7.31.2010
6.26.2010
cobwebs
Hello, blog, haven't seen you in a while. I don't know if anyone is aware of this blog but it's still here, I guess I'll revive it every once in a while.
The main push factor of me logging back into this blog was Kathy's update about how they re-vamped their designs...yeah HAYYY NEW LAYOUT!
Anyway. This summer is pretty fun so far, I haven't been really HOME for a bit, and it's quite nice, really. I miss the familiar faces and I miss my friends but getting into a change of scene is completely appropriate for me right now, and it's making me realize what I really value as important. Goals are changing, as they constantly do, and priorities are further exposing themselves.
But yeah, I just got a text message that drained me of all emotion, so I don't really know how to feel right now. Sometimes you read something and you have to read it over and over because its waves of impact constantly wash over you and knock you off your feet. But sometimes you read something once and then you feel a whole lot of nothing. Not apathy exactly, but if you could feel the phrase "I don't know" then that would be it! BINGO.
The quaint brick houses and hot summer air of the East Coast beckon to me, lure me in, and I'm certain that I'll be here again in the future, hopefully for a longer stay. California I love you, but change is good.
The main push factor of me logging back into this blog was Kathy's update about how they re-vamped their designs...yeah HAYYY NEW LAYOUT!
Anyway. This summer is pretty fun so far, I haven't been really HOME for a bit, and it's quite nice, really. I miss the familiar faces and I miss my friends but getting into a change of scene is completely appropriate for me right now, and it's making me realize what I really value as important. Goals are changing, as they constantly do, and priorities are further exposing themselves.
But yeah, I just got a text message that drained me of all emotion, so I don't really know how to feel right now. Sometimes you read something and you have to read it over and over because its waves of impact constantly wash over you and knock you off your feet. But sometimes you read something once and then you feel a whole lot of nothing. Not apathy exactly, but if you could feel the phrase "I don't know" then that would be it! BINGO.
The quaint brick houses and hot summer air of the East Coast beckon to me, lure me in, and I'm certain that I'll be here again in the future, hopefully for a longer stay. California I love you, but change is good.
3.21.2010
spring goals
Sometimes just talking to people I really trust helps me get my feet back on the ground. Just remembering what great friends I have helps me reorient myself when I feel lost or lonely.
---
SPRING QUARTER GOALS:
1. Floss more
2. Go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week
3. Listen to happier music
4. Change my eating habits and eat out less
5. Be more organized and clean
6. Party less, chill more
7. Listen more, talk less
8. Less internet, more me time
9. Stop putting things off
10. Stop always thinking two steps ahead and enjoy the present
11. Read more
I'm hoping for a chill quarter, nice and slow with just enough time to appreciate the good weather and good company. I hope this quarter will be a good one because I have a direction now and I have steps to take to accomplish my goals.
I'm also excited for my schedule. Though it's definitely up for some changes, I'm really excited to see what these courses will offer me. Note the lack of French and Journalism. (:
Anthro 139: improvisation, language, & culture
Anthro 30b: ethnography & anthropological methods
English 28C: realism & romance
And I'm trying to get into a stats class or a computer class so I can officially switch into Social Science and peace out from Humanities forevermore!
Additionally...
-Uni Studies 2 seminar (aka training for being a discussion leader for Fall '10)
-Campus Rep training (so I can be a full-on CR by Fall '10!!!)
WOO! K I'm stressing about all the crap I have to do before I leave for the forest so...peace out
---
SPRING QUARTER GOALS:
1. Floss more
2. Go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week
3. Listen to happier music
4. Change my eating habits and eat out less
5. Be more organized and clean
6. Party less, chill more
7. Listen more, talk less
8. Less internet, more me time
9. Stop putting things off
10. Stop always thinking two steps ahead and enjoy the present
11. Read more
I'm hoping for a chill quarter, nice and slow with just enough time to appreciate the good weather and good company. I hope this quarter will be a good one because I have a direction now and I have steps to take to accomplish my goals.
I'm also excited for my schedule. Though it's definitely up for some changes, I'm really excited to see what these courses will offer me. Note the lack of French and Journalism. (:
Anthro 139: improvisation, language, & culture
Anthro 30b: ethnography & anthropological methods
English 28C: realism & romance
And I'm trying to get into a stats class or a computer class so I can officially switch into Social Science and peace out from Humanities forevermore!
Additionally...
-Uni Studies 2 seminar (aka training for being a discussion leader for Fall '10)
-Campus Rep training (so I can be a full-on CR by Fall '10!!!)
WOO! K I'm stressing about all the crap I have to do before I leave for the forest so...peace out
3.12.2010
in-between
Today was marked by the moments in between, sun in my eyes and the grass so green. Sandwiched between the last lost hour of class and a little crushed dream, I watched the cloudless sky and a dark bug zip by and I wondered about life, about love, the hows and whys. When do we just know, how do we know, what do we know? And what do we deserve? And how can we see, from the outside looking in, what is a facade and what's genuine? There's nothing like experience and we can only have our own, so here's to you and yours. I just know, some are meant to love and some are not, it's not a basic human right. It's another acceptance process and we can be sad or happy about it but it all boils down to the only changing factor, which is you. The only thing to change is you. Change your mind, your expectations, and change the world around you. Fast forward past rejection and some errands and I'm in my favorite sandwich shop, gazing at the people passing by and wondering, again, why. I'm alone here, me, but there's no where and no one else I'd rather be. So I'll live slowly and recognize that things just happen, or they don't. But that bug in the sun and this sandwich on my my tongue made my day what it happened to be -- perfect for me, just what I need.
---
Oh, today. So I faced rejection today, but to be honest I'm not too disappointed. Congratulations SPOP 2010!
To be honest I didn't really expect to get it; I guess in my heart of hearts I knew I wouldn't because I felt that I had taken my share from what I applied for. I got Alternative Spring Break, discussion leader, and Campus Rep. And I'm thrilled about all three, and so excited to be a part of all three. I guess I wanted SPOP to be the cherry on top of my sundae but I can't have it all. Plus I don't really like cherries, anyway.
Like T said, it gives other people an opportunity to grow. My growth is gonna happen in Campus Rep and everything else and I'm so thrilled to be granted those opportunities, so I shan't be greedy. There's always next year and if it wasn't meant to happen this year then it just wasn't.
Not to say I wasn't disappointed, because I was, of course. But at the same time I feel selfish being disappointed because I'm so lucky to have what I have.
Anyway, this was not meant to be a post about how I feel about not getting SPOP.
Today was overall a good day. I think I'm lost in this cloud of apathy just because I've been so sleep-deprived and stressed lately. But from this cloud I managed to pull out a few strands of good moments. I sat in the park for a while and contemplated life and love with M, wandered about campus finding good company, had a spring break meeting, then went grocery shopping (such a luxury) and ate a sandwich at Le Dip by myself. I really liked eating alone, it was just what I needed after a mess of a week.
And. I'm in the works to switch schools in the spring. Pretty sure I'm going to be majoring in Anthropology, HOLLER! I'm happy with this. I'm not enough of a go-getter to succeed at journalism, and though I love writing, I don't think I'm the right personality type to major in it. I could see myself hating it as time wore on with forced assignments and everything. I like the relationship I have with writing now, and I think it's something I can cultivate without the stress of majoring in it. Also I get to let go of French which is a GREAT relief.
I feel in-between in everything. Waiting for the winter to end and on the brink of the spring. Newly initiated, not fully active. Leaving Humanities and entering Social Sciences. Just caught in-between. The awkward lull of anticipation and wondering what it'll be like when I experience it. All I can do is wait. Wait and respect the process and appreciate that everything happens and everything is perfect just the way it is.
---
Oh, today. So I faced rejection today, but to be honest I'm not too disappointed. Congratulations SPOP 2010!
To be honest I didn't really expect to get it; I guess in my heart of hearts I knew I wouldn't because I felt that I had taken my share from what I applied for. I got Alternative Spring Break, discussion leader, and Campus Rep. And I'm thrilled about all three, and so excited to be a part of all three. I guess I wanted SPOP to be the cherry on top of my sundae but I can't have it all. Plus I don't really like cherries, anyway.
Like T said, it gives other people an opportunity to grow. My growth is gonna happen in Campus Rep and everything else and I'm so thrilled to be granted those opportunities, so I shan't be greedy. There's always next year and if it wasn't meant to happen this year then it just wasn't.
Not to say I wasn't disappointed, because I was, of course. But at the same time I feel selfish being disappointed because I'm so lucky to have what I have.
Anyway, this was not meant to be a post about how I feel about not getting SPOP.
Today was overall a good day. I think I'm lost in this cloud of apathy just because I've been so sleep-deprived and stressed lately. But from this cloud I managed to pull out a few strands of good moments. I sat in the park for a while and contemplated life and love with M, wandered about campus finding good company, had a spring break meeting, then went grocery shopping (such a luxury) and ate a sandwich at Le Dip by myself. I really liked eating alone, it was just what I needed after a mess of a week.
And. I'm in the works to switch schools in the spring. Pretty sure I'm going to be majoring in Anthropology, HOLLER! I'm happy with this. I'm not enough of a go-getter to succeed at journalism, and though I love writing, I don't think I'm the right personality type to major in it. I could see myself hating it as time wore on with forced assignments and everything. I like the relationship I have with writing now, and I think it's something I can cultivate without the stress of majoring in it. Also I get to let go of French which is a GREAT relief.
I feel in-between in everything. Waiting for the winter to end and on the brink of the spring. Newly initiated, not fully active. Leaving Humanities and entering Social Sciences. Just caught in-between. The awkward lull of anticipation and wondering what it'll be like when I experience it. All I can do is wait. Wait and respect the process and appreciate that everything happens and everything is perfect just the way it is.
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