the great thing about pants

Or shoes, for that matter.

They come with a receipt. And a return policy. And a visible price tag! In life, none of this is offered. More on this later.

Conversation with my sister (who is startlingly similar to me in our approaches to zee "love life" or lack thereof…)

amy: cant
amy: stoppp
amy: thinking
amy: abt
amy: pants
me: lmao
me: i thought you were gonna say [boy]
me: i'm so glad you didnt
amy: i think im in .... love?
me: LOL
me: then go get the pants
me: if its true love
me: they'll wait for you
amy: noo
amy: but i want them.. NOW
amy: ohh mommmaa needs her sugarrrrr

Sometimes it freaks me out how similar we are. Oh but if only all life were like this! THINK ABOUT IT…

You walk into the store (aka life) not really wanting anything, just set on the idea that if anything surprises you and tickles your fancy enough you will consider it for a while and then purchase it, if you think it's worth it. Simple as that.

And it's so easy to find something that you fall in love with in a store, because they're so upfront and honest with you! You know how much they will cost you. You can try them on for as long as you want to see if they're a good fit. And you know that when it all comes down to it, you can just return them if the relationship is not working out!

Moral of the story: boys need price tags. And return policies.

Part deux: similarities between search for boys and search for shoes.

1. Appearance

No crocs. Must be nice looking, and us girls love to outdo each other with our cute accessories. Appearance of shoes (or boys I guess) tells you a lot about the person wearing them. This of course is the first factor that draws you in, the others come later as you try the shoes on. Or the boy.

2. Comfort
Pretty self-explanatory. Shoes or boy must not give you blisters from rubbing you the wrong way, be it physical blisters or emotional ones. Must be able to hang out with said shoes/boy for long periods of time without wanting to cry and/or escape.

3. Price range

Q: Is it worth it?
Q: If I don't buy them now, will I still be thinking of them? Will I regret it?
Q: Will the payback come? AKA will I get the maximum amount of bang for my buck? (K that sounds wrong when thinking of males)

4. Uniqueness

Shoes/boy should reflect your essential style. If it fits in with who you are as a unique entity, DO IT.

Shoe shopping is so much easier than life.

Then again, a pair of shoes won't make you laugh. Except for maybe these shoes. HAH..

blog barf

It seems to be an appropriate time to blog, considering the fact that I found out within the span of ten shocking minutes that I have a quiz and homework due tomorrow, as well as a final on Thursday for Anthro. Good thing I didn't go to Anthro at all last week. Oh week 9, how far away and lost you are to me.

So, I sit here neglecting my "responsibilities", as I am so apt to do. Instead of getting a move on my ridiculous student life, I watched "Above and BEYONCE" (clever, right?) on Fuse for an hour as I munched on tortilla chips and fresh-made guacamole. Beyonce is the greatest diva ever and I love her.

After realizing I spent a good hour polishing off that avocado and watching Beyonce transform from her glammed out, big hair, booty shakin days to her more sleek and polished...booty shakin (complete with robot hand), I headed to my bomb shelter of a room and decided that things must be done! So I blog.

Currently I am updating my iPod after what feels like a decade of not doing so. Sometime in the summer I accidentally pressed "sync" and about half of the songs from my PC library got deleted. Every time after that when I plugged my iPod into my laptop to add new songs, more oldies disappeared. Today I am taking the plunge and recklessly deleting all my old music and resorting to only having the music from my laptop on my iPod. Will I regret this? Maybe. Probably. Because what will I ever do when I just want to listen to music from the Hairspray soundtrack?? And this actually happens more often then you would think. But hi-ho, I can't be stuck in the past forever, and no regrets, yada yada yada. I know I'm being a little dramatic for JUST an iPod but...SIGH. I had been building that library for a good four years and now it is all going to music heaven in one fell swoop. Actually it's taking kind of a long time and those rotating arrows are killing me slowly.

ANYWAY, I have also been munching on these amazing dark chocolate/peppermint bark morsels from Dove. It always confused me when I saw Dove products in the candy aisle because I was like, what? Soap? Candy? What? BUT yeah these babies are delicious. Got me thinking of making a batch of peppermint bark sometime in the future. Another great thing about these is that every wrapper comes with a quick holiday tip from MARTHA STEWART HERSELF...in the past five minutes I have eaten three (do not judge) and have received the following holiday tips from the home-ec goddess:

-Try printing your own labels to personalize holiday tins.

-Use cake stands to serve food on your buffet table.

-Keep poinsettias out of drafty spaces.

I must admit they are rather drab pieces of advice, but these little tips have me unwrapping more and more chocolates. NOT because I am a fatty and want to taste the deliciously rich chocolate and peppermint medley melting in my mouth and seeping into my system...just because I want to read what Martha has to say. I mean, she went to jail, guys. If that doesn't equal life experiences/life advice then I don't know WHAT does.

But these holiday tips do have me in a rather festive moods. Plans are formulating in my mind; plans of turning myself into a cupcake factory and delivering home made cupcakes to everyone I like (making a list, checking it twice), plans of making aforementioned peppermint bark, along with cake balls and home-made ornaments, etc. etc. etc. Just call me Martha Jr.

The thing is though, these plans will probably not come to fruition. Well, aside from the cupcakes. I mean...my apartment is bare enough as it is and the wonderland of pine garlands and twinkly lights that I dream of would take sooo much EFFORT and MONEY. And I am quite short on both. SIGH, we'll see. Finals will roll around and I will suddenly find myself with SO much time and energy to do anything (but study) so...I guess I will keep you updated on my holiday cheer-meter.

Speaking of holiday cheer....Thanksgiving was not full of it. I'm sorry, I know it's a great holiday and all, but my parents freaking took me to Reno. Las Vegas' trampy little wannabe sister. It was so, so depressing.

Thursday evening we arrived at the hotel, with the casino on the first floor as usual. It was around 6pm, right when most families are sitting down ready to carve the (hopefully moist) turkey. And the casino was populated with older, lonely people. Sipping a beer or smoking a cigarette, seated at a slot machine with no friends or smiles in sight. It was really sad. Is this what some people are destined for? And if this is how they spend their Thanksgiving you can only imagine what the rest of their days are like.

Throughout the whole trip I saw sad people like that. The over-eager waitress with thick eyeliner trying to make her Thanksgiving better than it was, the family at the buffet with fighting kids until the mother told them to "shut the fuck up".....things like that. SIGH RENO, why you bummin me out.

Maybe it's my fault for thinking about this too much and maybe they shouldn't even be pitied to begin with. Who am I to judge and say that their lives are so sad and small? Certainly it's not something I would want for myself but then again it's only a glimpse of what I see of their lives, and I'm so quick to judge and assume and pity them. For all I know they could actually be so much happier than it seems. But also maybe not.

Anyway. Recently I guess I've been doubting everything I do. And when I say everything I mean everything. Motives, consequences, every single little thing. Maybe it was sitting in the car plugged into my iPod for a grand total of like...twelve hours that did it. Too much time to think. Thinking usually means looking back and grating on myself for past mistakes and regrets, and yes I will not lie, I regret a LOT of stuff from back in the day. I don't want to go back and dig up all these past mistakes so I should just...leave them in the ground, right? So I'm so set on doing that but at the same time I can't stop looking back and wishing I did something else, said something else, chose something else.

This second guessing just leads to more second guessing in the present. And about the future, I guess. I'm asking myself too much...and things I was so sure about just a couple weeks ago seem so distant and uncertain now. I don't know what is going to bring about some solidarity in my life but maybe I should just get used to this up in the air feeling.

And speaking of up in the air...my plane ride from SJ to the OC was delightful. I love being a stranger. Absolutely adore it. And also that feeling that you get, right as you take off, when your stomach drops a little bit and you don't know whether or not you're going to die...I love that feeling. It's the uncertainty, the tiny moment that you hang in the air wondering if you're going to fall in some spectacular crash of flame and metal, or if you're going to catch the wind and soar, continue on your way. That moment gives me such peace, that moment when I feel like I might just die. This sounds really morbid. But I really like that moment -- reminiscent of a Tyler Durden "near-life experience" type thing. And I really like turbulence...and we had a lot, surprisingly.

Plane rides just make me happy in general. Feeling so far from the world below with it's grounding tendencies is refreshing and I love being in the air away from it all. The houses slowly getting back to regular size always bums me out a little bit.

I talked with my friend about plans today. He's a meticulous planner, very methodical, very thought-out, and he always follows through with his plans. Whereas I am a planner, but have much less follow-through. I don't know whether to consider this a good or bad thing, I guess there are some moments for both sides. Just that....the plans I have right now...I really want them to happen. And it scares me knowing my tendencies.

But I've made some recent changes.

I am going to stay busy as to avoid this over-thinking. Because thinking makes me dig holes and then I dig giant holes and then I find that I am stuck in these giant holes. Instead, I will keep busy, eat chocolate, and study more. YES.

I've also decided to be a vegetarian. As of today I have not eaten meat for 5 days, I am winning.

I think that's about it...I just got an invitation to go shopping at Nordstrom (WITH AN EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT) and I don't know how to handle this. Hyperventilating. Really wanting to buy shit that I don't really need. Must study. OMG, BRAIN EXPLOSION.

j'adore!

The vendor fair came to UCI today. One of my favorite weeks of the school year, hahah. Okay it's not really THAT amazing, but I just like seeing people out on Ring Road all the time.

Anyway, I caught an early bus to school and then spent $20 before class buying tops. After class I spent another $20 at the American Apparel booth...and because my bag was starting to get overstuffed because of my many purchases, I took a bus home to drop off my stuff.

I effectively wasted my intended one hour study period by buying t-shirts and then taking the t-shirts home. Next class was Earth System Science, where I fell asleep for five minutes after ignoring a rather random serenade while I found my seat. Yeah...anyway. The quiz in ESS was alright, I definitely need to purchase a textbook I guess. Bummer. MORE MONEY...

Afterwards I paid a visit to the vendor fair again, and then decided to appease my grumbling stomach with some DELICIOUS pizza. I'm very particular about crusts and this one hit the spot. Joyce and I also attended a Hepatitis B info session/art show in order to get free tickets for tonights concert.

A concert? TONIGHT? YES. I ran into some people advertising the "B free" awareness program and they told me that David Choi was performing tonight, among others. DAVID CHOI!!! YAY! I'm super thrrrrilled.

If all days were like today, life would be so nice and perfectly happy. Simple unfolding of little things, one after another. Happy happy happy.

I went with Mo over to UTC afterwards to get some sweets. Yogurt covered pretzels = my new best friend. Although the Koreans that own Sweet Tooth overprice these treats crazily, I am still a pretty consistent customer. SIGH, why do I spend money like I grow it in my backyard?!?! I DON'T!!! I don't even have a backyard!!!

UTC was interesting for two reasons:
1. Spotted J#1...and J#2. More on that later.
2. Received my second awkward phone call of the day. I feel like this is phone karma of some sort. Or rush karma. SOMETHING. Anyway this morning, I called my pledge mom to tell her that I was de-pledging from Gamma Phi Beta. It was kind of awkward with a lot of long empty pauses on her end, as well as some trailing off sentences and uncertainty and flustered lying on my part. But in the end the deed was done.
So then yeah, after de-pledging this, I get a call from alpha Kappa Delta Phi not six hours later informing me that they would LOVE to see me at their info night! Tonight! At 7pm! They really want to see me there!!!

Yeahh. I'm kind of done with the sorority thing. Why would they even want me? I'd probably just end up being the bitch that everyone hates but pretends to love, because we are "sisters" and happen to own the same clothing and know the same people.

MOVING ON. But yeah. OH. I made a creeper-y decision and convinced Mo that we NEEDED to go back on campus...for several reasons...one being that J#2 was headed that way. I'm not a stalker, I swear. But OKAY FINE it was pretty creepy on my part, I will admit. But the ultimate result was not a run-in with him, it was a run-in with other people that was actually much more enjoyable. Mini-errand running and mini-conversations were had, free shit was acquired, bathroom narration was listened to, and then I headed home fully satisfied and feeling very non-creepy.

Spy talk is so much fun. Target acquired! Abort mission, target is leaving the premises! LOL...

The stress of thinking about sorority stuff is now finally lifted and I feel like I can see so much clearer. I closed that door but opened several more today. I turned in an application for Yearbook at UCI, found out that I might be getting a position in ASUCI (not counting my chickens before they hatch!! CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME), and basically filled out my social schedule a little bit more. THANK GOODNESS for random run-ins with people I like.

So yeah, I'm in quite a chipper mood. The concert is at 6:30 so I'm planning to take the next two hours to be productive, catch up on work, etc. etc. My schedule feels so nice and empty without much to be pulling me back, only opportunities that I can choose to go to or choose to forget.

And today in French I learned how to say j'adore! How appropriate for a day that ended up being...adored? HA...I def need to practice my French.

EDIT
Okay, I was shamelessly lied to. I checked my twitter and David Choi is sick...and in Korea...WTF MATE. I guess I will still go, KevJumba and AJ Rafael are supposed to be there. Plus Kaba, always good to see. SIGH DAVID CHOI, WHY.

overwhelmed and undersatisfied

Like I mentioned before, so much has been going on...but I find that the moments I enjoy the most are probably spent here, in front of my computer. Solitary confinement perhaps, but it's more calming for me.

Yes, I'm sitting in THE glum t-shirt, wearing my comfiest undies, contemplating my life.

Lately I've been so indecisive, a trait that I usually hate to find in both myself and others. But I really can't shake this right now, for some reason.

N gave me some good advice..
Bcz I am MEAN: don't undervalue the goodness of shallow social life
Bcz I am MEAN: just make sure you don't lose the ability to have it

I know for a fact I can have it. I'm desiring it less and less though, as the opportunity comes around more and more. And more and more, it's starting to feel like a task instead of something I enjoy. To go out, make an appearance, make people laugh, project this image that I could so readily pick up at the door and discard as I left.

---

Today was a DGAF day. Need to have more of these.

I woke up around noon after having a confusing dream. Went to M's house to have an omelette and then started the day right -- at the mall. I proceeded to buy whatever I wanted without second guessing myself as often as I do. The result? Two pairs of new shoes, a couple of tops, and a skirt. An emptier wallet. A fuller stomach. But it was satisfying.

Afterwards we drove to Newport Beach. By this time it was around 7pm and getting pretty chilly, but it didn't matter much to me because the cold felt good. It felt real.

We sat on the sand as the world grew steadily darker around us. Releasing all the tension in my body and not caring whether or not sand got into my shorts, I lay back and saw one star in the light blue twilight. To my right, the faint post-sunset rainbow was fading, and to my left, the moon was rising. It was huge and calm, high above the dark beachfront houses. I lay in the cold sand thinking of absolutely nothing, watching the star sway above me, the clouds sliding past, and listening to the comforting roar of the ocean.

Something about the beach is so calming. It felt as though nothing could touch me. Nothing seemed to matter.

But then I came back and faced this confusion once more. I don't feel like myself, I feel like I've lost touch with what I really want.

---

On a brighter note, I'm very excited to wear my new clothes...ha. And next week is Jason Mraz in Hollywoodddd! (:

oh lately it's so quiet

it's perfect timing, really.

My parents+sister came down to visit today; so we spent some green on delicious food & clothing. My tame Saturday ends thus: cleaned my room, wrote, etc. And this, I suppose.

DIRECTIONS:
- Go to Google image search.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture
- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.
- Save the image for use in this note.
- Post and tag all your friends.

QUESTIONS:
1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?



It was entertaining.

it is hard to type

because my fingers are so cold. Haha, I exaggerate. But it is thirty-six degrees in Cupertino. It should not be this cold. Is this allowed?

Despite this BITING cold weather, I am actually enjoying myself, and hoping for rain for once in my life. Because rain usually means snow at higher/colder elevations, correct? And that means that we can take another trip up Montebello and frolic in the snow once more! I was there just a couple nights ago and there was a bit of it that hadn't melted yet. YAY! (:

Besides the late night hill adventures, Donut Wheel has been frequented twice in the past two days. The first night, I went with Richa and Tiffo and we got kicked out by the worker in cropped denim. He was giving us death glares all night, probably for our excessive laughter. Also the fact that we made fun of his "NO GAMES" sign might have been a factor. But still, we felt like badasses. And we were there for a good hour before he kicked us out, so no real loss. Haha. The second night I went with Meher, Katherine, Crystal, and Kevin and we managed to not get kicked out! He did, however, give us our donuts in take-out bags, probably an indication that our company was NOT welcome. Oh well.

The mall has also been quite a popular hot spot for me! And by hot spot, I mean a place where I somehow lose money surprisingly quickly. I need to be better at this. But I'm stimulating our economy! That's what I keep telling my dad, haha. Mr. Chiang taught me well last year.

Being home makes me happy. And it sucks to be stupid and not realize how much your friends really mean to you and how much fun you have doing nothing with them and how much they make you smile until you have to be ripped apart from them for a good four months. But hi, I'm stupid, and I kind of just realized now how awesome my friends are. Congrats, stay friends with me plzthx.

Winter break is pretty much just what I needed right now.

it rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone

Don't ask me to explain the title, it would take waaay too much effort. All I have to say for myself is that Taylor Swift is the greatest. Also, this blows my mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSfhyjKr7pE&feature=PlayList&p=7A8772C4056060AD&index=0. Favorite! This paragraph made no sense.

Everyone is at the hall dinner tonight, but I decided to skip out on it and opt for a study sesh/quick dinner duo. So that is what I am doing, except for that first part. Catching up on blogs seems a much more worthwhile way to pass the time, and I truly can not concentrate on studying when the leaves of my Caesar salad are the size of my face. (Seriously, eating this salad is ridiculous. Dressing splatters everywhere when I attempt to force even one oversized leaf into my mouth.)

I signed up for classes! Winter quarter consists of Management, Psych, and Humanities Core. I'm looking forward to next quarter, but not everyone else is. It's going to be BULLY for a ton of people and everyone will be studying all the time or at class or labs and we will have no time to socialize! Yeah, right...that's what they say now. But you know for sure that we'll be staying up late doing nothing as always.

So I stayed up until 4 AM yesterday, not studying. Duh. I was doing this riddle website with a couple friends and I strongly encourage you to attempt it! There are 20 questions and yes, it took us quite a while, but I do enjoy a good riddle. Too bad I am stubborn with things like this and ABSOLUTELY MUST finish all the riddles even though it is 4 in the morning and I have completely disregarded studying! Anyway. Here is the link: http://urlriddle.googlepages.com/

This late bedtime was really not a good idea. Instead of waking up at 7 to turn in my housing application as planned, I woke up at 10. So I missed the ideal housing app turn-in time as well as a shopping date at the vendor fair! ): After the fastest shower I've ever taken I went to class and then to Albertson's and finally onto a shuttle to Vista Del Campo, my apartment complex for next year.



VDC is freaking sweet. I don't really know what else to say other than that. Hopefully I'm going to be living in a 4 bed/2 bath apartment with Lesley, Sarah, and Jacki. I'm super excited to decorate and have my own room for the first time in seventeen years!! I kid you not.

I made it to the vendor fair eventually and bought another scarf to add to the stuff I bought yesterday. I spend way too much money, thanks. Stimulating the economy is definitely a top priority for me.

All the halls in Middle Earth are being judged tomorrow for their holiday decor. Our hall is pretty decked out; we have a wreath, stockings for everyone, giant candycanes, dangling dreidles, a tree, lights EVERYWHERE, and more! Today I sat for a good hour and made longlonglongg paper chains to hang on the banister and I must say it is pretty fab. Snowflake cutting is happening later in the night and I am thuper exthited! It seems like I am getting very into the holiday season this year, or maybe it is only because my hall is so damn cute. Anyway, paper-chain making was very therapeutic and it made me feel crafty, so the hour spent really was for a good cause.

I have progressed into a state of mind where little matters to me other than the right now. I really like being busy and having things to occupy me; the slow days are nice every so often, but a schedule with something always happening keeps me content and prevents me from focusing on things I really shouldn't focus on. Hoorah.

Also, hoorah for bandwagon hopping:

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