breath

There's makeup on the pillow from the nights I'm out too late
There are plans and thoughts in my mind, cause I can't seem to wait
for things to keep on happening, I need to set the pace
but they say to take it slow, this life is not a race

---

More and more, the every day roller coaster is teaching me how to depend on myself and where to find the people to truly count on. I feel like I'm living the Sex & the City life cause right now the guys in my life are kinda whaaack. My close girl friends are so fun to chill with or go out on adventures with or cause trouble with...and it's really different from kicking it with boys, obviously. It's so weird cause it's kinda opposite from home-life, but I like both. I CAN HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS, TOO!

Which brings me to the point that I kind of have been really liking Miley Cyrus the past couple of days. Today I watched the Hannah Montana movie (and kind of secretly loved it). "See you again" has been on repeat lately, it's so fun to dance to hehe. SHH GUYS, this is a big secret. I told myself I would never like Miley but oh well.

Cause HONESTLY honestly, we all have our Hannah Montana sides! HAHA this is maybe one of the lamest analogies I've ever made but...I totally get it. We all have that interior that only a few people know. And I especially feel that there's a switch that I turn on when I go to parties or hang out with people. I feel like a different person. There's a select few here who know both sides to the story, and I think I'm going to keep it that way for now.

SO you know how there's that saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea"? Metaphorically, I totally understand. But yesterday I went grunion running and there were like...no fish in the sea. I was in the ocean for like 1+ hour getting DRENCHED (and loving it) and we caught one fish. We meaning the people who caught me and J. on our way to doing our laundry and convinced us to go with them to Seal Beach. Sigh, summer adventures...that result in late nights...and sleepy days...and bad grades on stats tests. BOO.

But yeah basically grunions are fish, once a year they come in to mate and when the waves come in they wash up on the beach and stuff. There were SO many people out trying to catch them, it was pretty crazy! I loved just being in the ocean at night, it just feels like another world. I got completely soaked and it was exhilirating.

So that brings my beach count for the summer up to a measly 2. Both were rather spontaneous nighttime adventures. Once was with A., a new friend(?). We'll see.

Honestly, tonight there are so many things I could do and I love that. But I'm kind of excited to take a breather and take it slow...for once, right? I haven't had much down time lately, there are people to see and things to do. I don't get a chance to write as often and I think my skills are definitely going down the drain. It's a scribbled thought accompanying my morning ramen or sandwiched between my late-night teeth-brushing and KO on the pillow.

I'm very excited to see C. tomorrow. (:

I can't control my train of thought right now! It's definitely de-railed. So I'll make some lists, cause that is what I am good at.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LATELY:
-I'm not a very romantic person.
-We're all a little bit racist.
-The Exorcist was not that scary.
-I feel low when I feel like there are no options.
-This is more of an opinion...but I think my cupcakes are better than Sprinkles. Maybe I just got a big ego (cue music)

---
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
---

GOALS:
summer:
-learn how to read palms (holla Arjun. hahah)
-get a bike, bike to Newport
-maybe run a 5k.
-learn how to play Ego and The Climb on the piano
-get back to ice skating
next year:
-formal rush but don't pledge
-join ASUCI
-write for the New U
-or join the yearbook
-Snowboard club?
-learn how to DANCE!
-join an environmental friendly club
-get into SPOP

---

This was the most random blog ever...

the cusp

Thus ends my freshman year at UC Irvine. Although I'm not moved out yet (quite the contrary in fact) everything has winded down. My roommate moved out today at 3; unfortunately, I wasn't around to bid her goodbye. I returned to half a barren room. The other side was as opposite of barren as possible, starting me on this endless task of packing my many many belongings. My freshman year lies forlornly around me, taking up more space than I can afford. Posters, quotes, random bits of memorabilia that my packrat self has decided to stow away. I suppose I feel some sort of success, looking back upon it all. But I think that's mostly because I tried so much, failed so much, and learned so much in turn.

I could go into details about personal growth and all that miscellaneous blabber but that's a more private entry that requires a bit more thought and reflection on my part. I haven't really sat down and thought about how I've changed over the past year, and I don't think it's something that can really be listed anyway. The important thing is I'm taking the lessons with me; hopefully they'll remind me to screw my head on straight.

The fact is, I know I've changed. We've all changed. It's surreal to think that just one year ago we were wearing those bedsheets they call graduation gowns, filled with an exuberance about the "last" summer in Cupertino and the adventures that the fall would bring us. Looking at all the pictures of 2009 graduating and going to prom and SANP is strange. It makes me feel old and irrelevant. And it feels like they're tresspassing on something that I've staked as my own claim; those events should belong to me and 2008. It's hard to realize that everyone has their own memories and everyone makes it what it is for themselves. It's hard to realize how important their graduation is to them, when the 2008 graduation is the only one that bears any significance for me. But of course this is always how it is, you're looking into the fishtank most of the time, and on special occasions you are the fish. Once you're outside the tank again it's weird to look at the fish and think it was you, just moments ago.

Enough with the far-fetched analogy. There are definitely similarities between June 2008 and June 2009. For instance, I am sick. Graduation last year I was feeling feverish, and what resulted was a rather miserable (but memorable nonetheless) SANP, and then a week of recovery. I guess I can't stop myself from going full speed at the end of the year. It's always jam-packed and I'm not good at slowing down and taking care of myself. These "ends" will never happen again, right? Might as well make it memorable and suffer the consequences later. Full speed ahead! (:

I'm worried about coming home though. I don't want to be sick for the one week I have at home, sandwiched between long stays in Irvine. I have so much I want to do in that one week that being bed-ridden would completely KILL me! So I'm stocking up on vitamin C and pounding my body with fluids. And I'm not one to rely on medicine, but I have some Motrin in my bag. Just in case of emergency.

Besides that, I'm really excited for this summer. I know I won't be staying in one place for long, essentially I'm splitting my time between Irvine, Cupertino, and Indonesia. But I've always liked the jet-setting lifestyle and I hope the shortness of my stays will prevent me from becoming lazy and putting off things that I want to do. It does suck that I won't be able to spend more time in NorCal, but there's no fighting it now I guess. This is the first fragmented summer of many to come, I feel. In a way it's good: these short bursts of home keep reminding me of how good it is for me and keep me wanting more. I leave just when I'm really appreciating it, and it draws me back like nothing else.

Home just sounds so good right now. My dorm is empty and I can finally be unabashedly myself: singing Taylor Swift as I pack, being the messy and loud person that I naturally am without infringing on the comfort of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, but we all need our own space. And alone time was so limited this year. It was hard to sit and just BE, to wind down and re-achieve zen. To type a nice long blog and listen to music full blast. This is what home offers to me in my mind: a place where I can be myself without worrying. Sorry guys, I know I'm weird, but I know they've accepted my quirks and I've accepted theirs. This mutual understanding is what makes home that much more precious, no more judgements and the knowledge that they'll be there through thick and thin. The comfortable-as-you-are ambiance is something that Irvine lacks for a large part and is what I miss most.

Finals ended last night at 9pm (just as the Lakers won...) and I spent the night packing, playing tetris, and slowly burning up. I went to bed with a fever and chills, hating myself for having such a sad immune system. I woke up feeling better though, and I went to an Obey warehouse sale and shopped shopped shopped! I'm terrible at saving money, but hey, I deserved this. Today I packed and helped friends move, hung out a little bit and stressed over the swollen-ness of my stupid lymph nodes. (Is that what they are?) Tonight I'm hanging out with pledge sisters and the bros, and having a sleepover in Monique's room hopefully. The last kick! And tomorrow morning my parents are coming to pick me up. Hopefully I'll be completely packed and I can just throw my stuff in the car and BOUNCE!

I am so ecstatic that summer is here! It tastes like sweet tea from chick-fil-a and sounds like the laughter of friends and music on full blast. It smells like chlorine and ocean and Chipotle and frozen yogurt. It looks like a great view from Highway 9, a sunset over the beach, sunny days wherever I am. I can't wait to see my friends, and my family, and to recuperate and not worry about jack squat! ANTICIPATION! I have high hopes for Summer 2009 and I won't let myself down. (: (longboarding, DJing, being tan, getting my hair back to regular color, exercising, cooking, scrapbooking, finding dorm decor, industrial bar piercing?, bonfires, BAKING, beach trips, SF, dance choreos, sleepovers, camping, shopping, making bank, karaoke, bowling, swimming, movie marathons, piano, ice skating, reading, vegetating, eating too much, sitting around doing nothing with people who mean everything (:...etc.)

I'm such a rambler. This blog is way too long. Time to get back to packing!
HOME SOON!!! (:

irresponsible weekends

are something that I absolutely love.

My weekends always start early because I'm done with class on Thursdays at 2pm. Around 12 hours after that I received a call from Crystal, so I met up with her and her SD friends at Jack in the Box. The following four hours consisted of chatting and eating delicious pho, and then I pretty much crashed in the trunk of Matt's Land Rover and failed at directing them to the UCI exit. So OKAY, I was on my way to SD. Hooray spontaneity.



A fully chill weekend where my mind did not stray to homework; not once, thanks to the eat-sleep-eat more routine. And now I am greeted with quite a pile! Oops! Irresponsible weekends bite you in the ass, I now have an essay to write and 50 pages to read.

I doubt I will be finishing my homework tonight, what with the Grammys (aka terrible performaces by Katy Perry and effing Miley Cyrus, but cutie Paul McCartney so it's all okay) and my EXCITEMENT for the vendor sales coming to UCI tomorrow! I know it will be rainy but I am so, SO thrilled to once again have the mall come to me and I will empty my wallet readily. So sad. But I am applying for jobs, brownie points for me right?

Oh, and I said I would write about He's Just Not That Into You. When honestly, I should be writing about a movie called He's Just Not That Into You...YET!

While the first half of the movie was cynically pleasing and realistically portrayed, the second half completely failed and just adhered to chick-flick standards, causing the packed theatre to drown in "oohs" and "aahs". Pretty much the movie went against what it was trying to say, so it was a little disappointing. Still enjoyable overall though, I just wish it hadn't started off so realistically and ended up so fairytale-like. Sorry kids, reality bites.

So pretty much all I'm waiting for is Lil Wayne on the Grammys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C68ONaIAaw
WHY is he so cute? Hahaha I was laughing so hard. Newfound respect for Weezy F. Baby.

My horoscope tells me to be ready to jump in for adventure and change. This excites me. However, last night I dreamt of a lion dying. Upon referral to my little dream book, I found that a lion symbolized leadership and strength. SO leadership and strength are dying in my life? YEAH cool...haha.

ALSO! I got a twitter! My friend convinced me to get one, so I did. I'm easily persuaded. You guys should get one too, if you want. It confuses me. But yeah it seems cute or stalkery, I still can't decide.

OK I'm out! Peace.

i'm the worst roommate ever

what with my constant sniffling and sneezing, my water boiler being extremely noisy, and my light being...on. And yeah, Sarah is sleeping peacefully while I click-click away on my again, very noisy laptop keyboard. Doing nothing productive and reverting to blogging to keep myself entertained.

This weekend consisted of the usual college revelries...and then some.



So I pretty much love Socal. Sorry, east coasters/norcal-ers, to rub it in your face. Just gives you more reason to visit me! The weather, and cause I miss you. Duh.

Anyway, I'm sick again. I never really got over my first wave of being sick. And then not sleeping and not doing sick-person things will screw you over so here I am being Ms. Sniffles again.

Also I have two midterms this week, so hopefully I will not get so bad that (God forbid) I won't be able to focus on studying. Hahaha.

And weather in the high seventies means that I will be tanning by the pool...hoorah!

talk

There's too much talk sometimes. Things get tangled up in everyone's different accounts of what happened, different opinions of what went wrong, different perceptions of people and how they act. There's too much talk about people's motives and people's loyalties and how to fix misunderstandings. There is miscommunication and there is lack of communication and even if you do happen to get the right amount of talk in, sometimes it's still wrong. Who's to say if trust in the talk is the best idea? There are just too many things unsaid and then there are things that are said too much. When does it ever strike the right balance? And when and who do you trust, whose talk do you believe?

I wonder if it would be better if we were all mute.

Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you

edit;
Sometimes things aren't said when you know they should be, and sometimes you leave it alone. Sometimes you say things you don't really mean, sometimes you say too much of what you mean, sometimes you over-think, sometimes you don't think enough. Sometimes you speak without thinking and think without speaking.


Humans in general and me in particular need to know when to talk and when to shut up and cut the bullshit.

back to bouncy

Somehow I kind of fell into a downer mood the past couple of days. But there are a number of things that totally cheered me up and here they are:

-Lady GaGa & happy music in general. I mentioned to Crystal that she should not listen to sad music and then realized that I was a filthy hypocrite, so I rid myself of my glum Mraz and instead turned to find the Remedy in happier songs (haha, such Wordplay here (omg I did it again)). Also, dancing in my room alone when nobody is looking is pretty much therapeutic.

-Going to the gym. I've been going regularly! Endorphins are my drug. Hahaha...no.

-The little study room in my dorm where little studying occurs. My friends and I record videos for each other in there, and there are a number of epic productions scattered among our friends' walls. For instance, there is one bootay-poppin video somewhere on facebook, and another video of "Jizz in my Pants" (pretty beast) somewhere else. And the study room was the scene of my friend's pencil twirling gone awry -- the pencil spun out of control and jabbed him in the eye. HAHAHA! Of course he was not hurt, otherwise I would not be laughing. Except I probably would be anyway.

-Long talks! I started getting to know this guy better and I stayed up until around 5 two nights in a row cause we just kept talking! These are the kinds of conversations I love, even though they leave me feeling drained and falling asleep in Psychology. And there is absolutely nothing romantical about these conversations, which makes me all the happier. Friendship is fun and so are fluvial conversations!

**Side note: FLUVIAL is the greatest word. Instead of saying "we clicked!" when referring to someone you get along with really well, my friends and I now say fluvial. Of or pertaining to a river. AKA FLOW! Fluvial. Woot.

-I dropped my Management class with my fobby bee-ness professor. And now I am enrolled in maybe the Best Class of All Time. Beatles & the 60's!!! I am totally pumped for this class and I don't even care that people gripe about how much memorization it is. My first lecture was today and it was pretty damn interesting, although I did fall asleep for a moment. Not to happen again! I can't wait to learrrrn.

-WEATHER!<3 Irvine has been a delicious 80+ degrees the whole week. I'm hoping for a nice summery glow in the midst of winter.

Okay my eyelids are drooping like a dozy dog's. Haha oh alliteration! Till next time.

it rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone

Don't ask me to explain the title, it would take waaay too much effort. All I have to say for myself is that Taylor Swift is the greatest. Also, this blows my mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSfhyjKr7pE&feature=PlayList&p=7A8772C4056060AD&index=0. Favorite! This paragraph made no sense.

Everyone is at the hall dinner tonight, but I decided to skip out on it and opt for a study sesh/quick dinner duo. So that is what I am doing, except for that first part. Catching up on blogs seems a much more worthwhile way to pass the time, and I truly can not concentrate on studying when the leaves of my Caesar salad are the size of my face. (Seriously, eating this salad is ridiculous. Dressing splatters everywhere when I attempt to force even one oversized leaf into my mouth.)

I signed up for classes! Winter quarter consists of Management, Psych, and Humanities Core. I'm looking forward to next quarter, but not everyone else is. It's going to be BULLY for a ton of people and everyone will be studying all the time or at class or labs and we will have no time to socialize! Yeah, right...that's what they say now. But you know for sure that we'll be staying up late doing nothing as always.

So I stayed up until 4 AM yesterday, not studying. Duh. I was doing this riddle website with a couple friends and I strongly encourage you to attempt it! There are 20 questions and yes, it took us quite a while, but I do enjoy a good riddle. Too bad I am stubborn with things like this and ABSOLUTELY MUST finish all the riddles even though it is 4 in the morning and I have completely disregarded studying! Anyway. Here is the link: http://urlriddle.googlepages.com/

This late bedtime was really not a good idea. Instead of waking up at 7 to turn in my housing application as planned, I woke up at 10. So I missed the ideal housing app turn-in time as well as a shopping date at the vendor fair! ): After the fastest shower I've ever taken I went to class and then to Albertson's and finally onto a shuttle to Vista Del Campo, my apartment complex for next year.



VDC is freaking sweet. I don't really know what else to say other than that. Hopefully I'm going to be living in a 4 bed/2 bath apartment with Lesley, Sarah, and Jacki. I'm super excited to decorate and have my own room for the first time in seventeen years!! I kid you not.

I made it to the vendor fair eventually and bought another scarf to add to the stuff I bought yesterday. I spend way too much money, thanks. Stimulating the economy is definitely a top priority for me.

All the halls in Middle Earth are being judged tomorrow for their holiday decor. Our hall is pretty decked out; we have a wreath, stockings for everyone, giant candycanes, dangling dreidles, a tree, lights EVERYWHERE, and more! Today I sat for a good hour and made longlonglongg paper chains to hang on the banister and I must say it is pretty fab. Snowflake cutting is happening later in the night and I am thuper exthited! It seems like I am getting very into the holiday season this year, or maybe it is only because my hall is so damn cute. Anyway, paper-chain making was very therapeutic and it made me feel crafty, so the hour spent really was for a good cause.

I have progressed into a state of mind where little matters to me other than the right now. I really like being busy and having things to occupy me; the slow days are nice every so often, but a schedule with something always happening keeps me content and prevents me from focusing on things I really shouldn't focus on. Hoorah.

Also, hoorah for bandwagon hopping:

post a memory of me as a comment for this entry.
it can be anything you want.
maybe your first, maybe your favorite.
& post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.

hello november

So WOW, November totally sprang up on me. It's election day already, so for those of you who can vote I hope you exercise this power and know that poor little me is extremely jealous.

I feel like I had interesting things to say earlier. I was in my Humanities lecture this morning and as usual, my mind was straying. This morning I happened to be thinking about blogging and several note-worthy topics occurred to me. Unfortunately I cannot seem to remember them at the current moment so you are left with reading this recollection of worthwhile thoughts that are now lost forever...so yeah, you're reading nothing.

Yesterday I woke up at 5:45 AM to sign up for housing for 2009. My roomie and our friend woke up early too, and we all thought we'd be done within a couple minutes and back to snoozing till the sun was high in the sky. Too bad the rest of my hall had the same intentions and everyone was up, pretty much yelling their asses off and being super annoying. Seriously, if I wasn't that groggy I would've yelled at them, but yeah, I was too lazy. Anyway. It wasn't only my hall that had waken up early apparently. It was the freaking rest of the freshman class. So the site to sign up opened up at 6AM and the server crashed promptly at around oh, I'd say 6:01 AM. Thank you, UCI Housing. Please don't come again. I've only heard a couple stories about people actually getting through and submitting their app, and these stories have been passed around like legends for the past 24+ hours.

So yeah, we can accurately say that that messed up my sleep cycle quite a bit. I feel like there is no night and day, it is just sleep whenever you want to. Which is most of the time. I don't even sleep that much at night anymore cause I take naps during the day, so night sleep accounts for only like 50% of my total shut-eye. Plus I have classes to wake up for (BOOOOO) and sometimes loud phone calls to listen in on...just kidding, I really wasn't. I couldn't help it. The girl next door to me was having a very loud and seemingly very painful breakup with her boyfriend at 9AM this morning. And honestly, my heart goes out to you and I hope you feel better, but I'm sleepy. Please help me out. Whisper through your pain!

Aside from the non-sleep, I am also getting very good at non-study. Yesterday I spent around four or five hours in the study room and I accomplished one task on my endless to-do list. I did everything BUT study. Caught up on Gossip Girl (YAY!), changed the settings of my computer, planned outfits for the rest of the week, and had many interesting conversations with Cupertino folk whom I miss dearly. But yeah, my poor friends Mendel and Descartes were shamefully neglected. My bad.

Oh also it rained this morning apparently. Lucky for me I wasn't awake to experience this odd sensation cause as most of us know, I am not a huge fan of rain. I went outside and stepped in puddles in my flip flops and mourned the worms on the sidewalk and basically dreaded the next five months. Yeah it's Socal and winter here is not that bad but STILL. I really do not like wetness.

I'm hungry. Ramen time! And I'm super excited for tonighttt YAY OBAMA!

another "what I did today" post..

So today was the 25% off sale at the bookstore. It opened at 8 AM, and being the dedicated shopper that I am, I found a buddy to go with me at 8 AM. Funny how I can be motivated enough to wake up for 8 AM shopping but not for 8 AM bio lectures...duh. I actually expected the store to be pretty quiet, cause come on. 8 AM and college students usually don't mix. Contrary to my beliefs though...the store was packed. It was like freaking Black Friday three weeks early!! Thus my shopping strategy changed completely! I ended up getting a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and shorts. Who says I'm not a morning person?

After this extreme success, Joyce and I headed over to Pippin for breakfast. This was maybe the first or second time I've actually had a legit breakfast since coming here and MY was it delicious! We had cappuccinos and made a waffle with Oreos in it and it is QUALITY! (Haha)

So yes. My morning went remarkably well and it set the mood for the rest of the day, minus all the ridiculous studying I have to do for Humanities core. So my midterm is tomorrow and I haven't really started studying...go me.

The past few days have been relatively uneventful, just regular college times sleeping too late and slacking off too much, eating unhealthy deliciousness and sometimes suffering because of it. For example, I was boiling water in my hot water pot a few days ago so I could have some tasty tasty ramen (whoever invented ramen is my hero). I burnt my thumb on the hot steam pouring out of the hot pot. It got kind of swollen and red but it was fine for the most part. The next day I had ramen again and burnt my tongue...I think I should just avoid ramen altogether. Anyway. My tongue really hurts and I was brushing my teeth this morning and it started like...bleeding lightly. Sorry to paint a disgusting picture but I was super surprised and a little grossed out. OUCH ):

My suite decorated for Halloween! We put up ghosts, covered the lights with red paper, and taped down outlines of bodies that bitchy maintenance people later removed (!!!!). We even have a black light!! It's pretty bomb.

In other news, I miss my friends far too much. It's funny how this crazy wave of homesickness is just hitting me after being in Irvine for over a month. I just want to be back with my true homies for a bit so I can remember what it feels like to trust completely and be 100% yourself without having to censor yourself or fear the consequences of what you honestly say or believe. I miss the trust and lack of judgement and the non-gossipyness.

Till next time! If I can possibly drag myself out from piles and piles of Aristotle and Plato, that is. Wish me luck.