interviews & results

So the week is finally over! And I left my fourth and final interview in a hurry, not because of the rain, not even because of the wet socks (okay maybe a little bit because of the wet socks) but MOSTLY because I wanted to blog about how awkward interviews are!

Okay, maybe it’s not that they’re AWKWARD. They’re just unnatural. And isn’t that a little bit awkward? I tend to leave interviews in a little bit of a flurry of emotion. On the one hand, I like being asked questions about myself because I do tend to self-reflect a lot, and it’s fun to communicate innermost thoughts and workings of my mind to someone who is basically a complete stranger. Once long ago I’d try to shape my words into something more pleasant to their ears but now, I’ve become more comfortable with sharing my thoughts AS my thoughts. Make sense? Just being myself more, not trying so damn hard all the time.

On the other hand, though, I also leave interviews quite frustrated. Looking back I say, oh, I could have said something else here. Or elaborated on this point. Etc. There’s no point in lingering but what DOES bother me is the whole set up of an interview. Question and answer.

In Anthro we learned about a form of communication that is called initiation/response/evaluation, which is basically ask a question, get an answer, and then proceed from there. In conversation, the evaluation segment would be elaboration on that topic and divulging anecdotes and such. However in the interview setting evaluation is literally just that — evaluation on paper, filling in little boxes, taking note of what you just said. Uncomfortable? A little.

Anyhow, interviews aren’t meant to be conversations. They’re called interviews for a reason I guess, viewing between several people? But generally it’s NOT “between”, it’s more “directed at” someone…which is something I am not a fan of. Here I am, but where are you? Questions and answers on one way streets with almost no switchover.

I digress. What frustrates me is…well, just how am I supposed to share all the knowledge and experiences I’ve acquired in the 18+ years that I’ve been living and breathing and learning? Pack it into a well-worded short verbal paragraph and hurl it onto that piece of paper, being written on by entirely foreign fingers. How can I share the experiences that have molded me into the person that I am, the changes I’ve undergone and every step into the reason why I am how I am, and how can I form this into a statement that ultimately answers WHY I am qualified for this position? How can I get them to KNOW me and understand what I’m passionate about, and what I think about, and all this stuff? Interviews are merely an introduction but I’d rather get them to skip to the middle of this story.

Tough cookies! Going into the interview I was nervous because I knew it was something that I really wanted. In the interview I was less nervous because that’s usually how it is. Anticipation brings nerves but when you’re finally not sitting around doing nothing about it, it’s not half bad.

Before, I sat at the pub with friends and got myself into interview mode. I guess I had the jitters but I got some good laughs and it was a nice comfortable crowd to send me away into the waiting arms of the interview. Anyway I said before I left, “I am just the same as everyone else.”

Someone said, don’t think that way. But I can’t see why not. This way we’re all on equal ground. There’s no hierarchy. After the interview, sure we’ll be “ranked” differently, but right now we’ve all got the same thing. Names on paper, and we’re all just as interesting and involved and engaging as the next person. I am just the same as everyone else because we are all human and we have all been experiencing life and taking from it and applying it to ourselves. The only way we differ is how we’ve rebounded from the jabs that life throws us. Essentially though, we are all the same. We’re just people.

I can see how it can be taken negatively but I said it with no sense of self-pity or self-consciousness. I take that statement as a reminder that we’re all going through experiences and changing on a day to day. I take that as a reminder that when you take away these false labels and intricate cover-ups we’re all built the same.

Someone I interviewed last week said something along those lines…he said he was just like everyone else, so it wasn’t a big deal. I think it’s when we start drawing lines and saying oh I’m more qualified, or oh I’m more popular, or I’m smarter…that’s when we trip ourselves up and stop being ourselves. It raises the stakes and turns it into a competition, when it’s really not. Just do your thing and be happy doing it! Real talk! When you’re just like everyone else it’s easier to not be like everyone else and be more you. If that makes any sense at all. Which it doesn’t, but it does to me. I’ll think about this more I guess.

ANYWAY, the week is over and I am off to celebrate this gray Friday in a yellow car because screw you raindrops, you shall not dampen my mood! (: Lately I’ve been riding a wave of good humor or contentment…so I’m going to go buy something pretty to seal the deal. Busy weekend ahead!

IN OTHER NEWS....I finally heard back from Alternative Spring Break and I am SUPER excited to be a participant at the San Bernardino National Forest this coming break!!!!! AAAAH!!!! (:

merry christmas

Merry Christmas friends! (:

Someone asked me today: what did you want for Christmas?

I couldn't really think of anything off the top of my head; most of the things that I want cost a lot of money and are things that I want to work towards and save for myself (slr, France $$, snowboard). Other things that I want are things that have to be earned as well, things like the capacity for caring more about things, the ability to be happy with what I have, the ability to appreciate and share that appreciation.

So I told him that. His response? Wow, you've changed.

On the contrary I think I've always wanted those things, maybe I just never voiced them clearly enough. I guess getting absorbed into materialism and the consumer culture is easier than remembering what really matters in life...but then what REALLY matters anyway?

I think what matters now is improving relationships with people and remembering that people are around to make you laugh and to pull you out of ruts. What matters is...that in the future I keep remembering to be a good person, to remember what values I cherish most, to remember who I am past all these surface-type labels.

This is turning into a new-years-resolution type post and TRUST ME I'm already prepared for that one, so I'll stop now. I don't even know why I'm blogging. It's Christmas, I just decorated 25 cupcakes, overloaded on sugar, I have a kitchen to clean, I'm sleepy...Off to snoozeland I go. Must wake up early for matinee showing of Sherlock Holmes, love being Asian.

P.S. Christmas isn't about WANTING. Every day that we live is about wanting.

follow your heart

I've never been very good at this, in any aspect.

Yesterday was an excellent Saturday, consisting of:

-swinging in the park

-all you can eat KBBQ

-browsing Borders whilst sipping hot chocolate

-live guitarist

-wandering through Michaels & Target

-Sex & the City marathon

-all occurring in very good company.

Today was rather different...I went for a run with my roommate to the park and completely DIED. So very out of shape. But I got to swing again.

I think I'm dehydrated.

I bought this journal at Borders yesterday called "Skinny Bitchin." I'm excited to complete it, and I will be posting responses to the prompts.

Today I also wrote a letter to no one (someone), failed at studying for Anthro, formulated plans in my head for future park visits and a zoo trip, and found out that male giraffes often engage in sexual activities with each other.

Also, I've decided that this face :C is stupid.

---

Here is my goal for the week:

"Live more freely, walk more slowly, appreciate more readily. Understand and desire love, pursue love, live in love."

coming home, part three

I am finally in Jakarta. And quite exhausted. The past two days were pretty empty days, mostly spent sitting around waiting for planes that kept getting delayed. I won't go into detail but I will just say it took an extra 24 hours to actually make it to Jakarta, with a couple spare hours spent in Singapore with my aunt and adorable little cousins.

Before I go on I guess I should recap the rest of the Hong Kong leg of my trip. Day 2 was spent in normal tourist behavior, I guess. We went on a tram that was chugging straight up to Victoria Peak at what seemed like a four o'clock angle. The view from the top was absolutely remarkable! I can't wait to post pictures but I doubt I'll be able to until I'm back in the US. Anyway we lingered for a little bit but the blistering heat discouraged us from staying any longer.

We spent the afternoon lingering in cafes, exploring the IFC mall, and getting better acquainted with the MTR system. Dinnertime found us at a small and delicious restaurant tucked into a corner of the city, close to the water and our next destination, the Avenue of Stars.

Something of the HK version of Hollywood Blvd, the avenue was set right on the water and gave us an amazing view of the lit-up city sandwiched between dark sky and reflective waters. As 8 o'clock rolled around, the Symphony of Lights began and the skyscrapers across from us lit up, syncing with the music that was being projected from behind us. It was extremely well-coordinated and pretty much blew me away...I love watching light shows and things like that. The last time I was in a similar state of awe was probably last summer at the Disneyland fireworks show. SIGH<3

Day three was uneventful and consisted of the usual traveling bore - arriving at the airport early, waiting in line to check in, waiting for planes, etc. The failure of the plane to launch after four hours on the tarmac brought us a free night at the airport hotel as well as free dinner and breakfast.

I observed the crowd of delayed passengers and saw that almost all of them were angry. It got me thinking about stress and anger and how it all really just gets passed on for no real reason, and it was kind of frustrating. Honestly in situations like these anger will get you nowhere. I felt really bad for the guy trying to deal with all the vicious Asians, he looked no more than 21 and there was a look of confusion and panic on his face. I guess all these negative feelings just end up becoming a vicious cycle and they influence our environment for the worse. Honestly, I didn't mind the wait at all. I was just thinking that these people needed to chill and realize that it was not a huge deal.

Plus I had my third book of the trip to keep me company. Usually I hate waiting but now I really don't mind... I just whip out Obama's Dreams From My Father and keep reading about our president. As I read about his childhood in Jakarta, his descriptions came to life in my head, because I've seen everything he described before. In fact, I was heading there. It made me feel a connection to the president, as trivial and unrelated as it may be. This book is really becoming an inspiration for me, cheesy as that may sound. Oh and later on I found out that Obama was my aunt's friend's classmate in Indonesia...CRAZYY!

The next morning at 11 we were FINALLY in the air, and four hours later we were in Singapore, ready for another period of waiting. This time, since we had seven hours, my aunt picked us up and we settled at her house to catch up, eat, and see my cousins. They are 8 and 6, totally adorable, and EXTREMELY high energy.

The flight to Jakarta was a short one and I completely conked out. My other aunt picked us up at the airport and I fell asleep on the way home, the conversation occurring in Indonesian between the grown-ups sounding like music to my ears.

Coming to Indonesia feels oddly like coming home. Even though I can count the number of times I've visited on one hand, coming back to visit was kind of a sigh of relief. I guess it just feels familiar and I've had nothing but positive experiences here, what with spending so much time with all my family and all the relaxation. I guess some of my fondest memories are from the times I've spent in Indonesia, like last time when I was 15.

All my relatives stayed at a villa nestled in the countryside for a weekend. It was the perfect getaway: expansive fields, a cool stream nearby, and a well furnished and comfortable villa to house us all once night fell. Despite the fact that the house was more than able to accommodate us, everyone decided to sleep outside. We pitched tents by the stream, all the kids in one tent whispering and laughing as the adults told us to quiet down. I don't recall ever feeling more happy. Everything else is just a string of memories: laughing at the puppy sliding down the hills on his belly, exploring the stream and losing our sandals, sitting outside eating bananas and watching my talkative little cousin march around the soccer field barefoot, bossing the adults around.

I guess Indonesia is the perfect vacation spot because I feel like a kid again. I'm not the one with responsibilities and a life schedule to plan, I'm just another cousin or niece or granddaughter. I hardly even know the language, too, so I'm not expected to converse fluently with the adults or company. It feels good being a kid again, being around my cousins reminds me of how simple and happy they are and I just feel a weight lifted off my shoulders when I'm playing with them. No judgments, no need to impress, no desire for approval. And it helps that my cousins are all a very talkative, high-energy, and sociable bunch. I wish I could be around more to watch them grow up, though. The last three years since I've seen them have brought considerable change, both in height and personality. I'm always a little apprehensive right before I see them -- what if they don't remember me, or what if they've gotten so different from how I remember them? My last memories of them are so fond that I don't want to replace them, unless of course with better ones.

And I'm pretty sure better memories are close on the horizon. This weekend we're all heading to a tea plantation complete with horses! I am excited. To say the least. (:

I watched two movies on the plane that I really enjoyed: Sunshine Cleaning and Big Fish. Both nearly had me to tears haha. GO WATCH if you haven't already! Time for lunch with my aunt and grandma.

simplify

I'm back from a weekend camping adventure at Lake Sonoma with the crew, unfortunately missing a few people. One camping thread and much stress on a certain vicious (but well-loved) camp director's part later and we were at campsites #95 and #96, grilling burgers, spewing profanities at bees, and getting gloriously filthy.

It was actually really nice to not have to worry about anything, including hygiene. That may sound disgusting now, but showers were not really a main priority, because you know that your neighbor stinks just as much as you do. It's a combination of campsite dust, sunblock, and sweat...and then maybe throw in some lingering scent of portapotty and lake water. Delicious.

Seriously though, the entire time I was there, I was hardly thinking (except when B and T brought up interesting topics) and mostly just enjoying every moment. I wasn't thinking about school, or all the things I had to do. I didn't think about people I miss in Irvine and I wasn't meticulously planning out my fall quarter. I wasn't belittling myself for failing to acquire an internship like my friend had, and I wasn't constantly reminding myself to make things happen. I was just be-ing, and it was refreshingly simple and nice.

Even when I'm at home, I plan things constantly. I am a list-maker and I plot out time frames in my mind, which I realize is an exceedingly stressful instinct. I plan when I shower, I plan what I am going to eat, I plan what I will wear, the list goes on. There's just too much to think of. Then there's the added stress of parentals and sibling and the expectations that they bring you. But when we were all camping, there wasn't really much to stress about. Plenty of delicious food, plenty of good company. And that is all I need to keep me content.

Turning off my phone was such a relief as well. I will admit that I am pretty attached to my cellular device here in the real world, and it is something that I both love and hate. I love it because it lets me get in contact with the people I like best, but I hate it because it means I'm always accessible and a text message could throw my pre-planned day wildly off course. Sometimes my phone brings me things that are not best for me. Plus my phone's presence by my side just makes me feel like I'm waiting for something. Expecting a text message or phone call from a friend, when in reality, the phone should be something I glance at once every couple hours instead of however often I actually do toy with it (which is embarrassingly frequent).

I could argue that I just check the time on my phone very often...which is another thing I liked about camping. I never really knew what time it was. We got back to an animalistic stage, I guess you could say. We ate when we were hungry, slept when we were tired, and got up when the sun came out. "What time is it?" we asked each other, bleary eyed, as we stumbled out of our tents. Nobody really knew...and then I realized it was of the least significance. Life became so much more simple and pleasant.

It was pleasant too, to sit and read for hours and hours. I can't remember the last time I really read for pleasure in chunks of time like this. I devoured my book, 200+ pages in about two days, reading on and off whenever I could. Most of the time when I read, I just read pages at a time and then get distracted by something else (namely technology, damn you). It was so nice to just sit, attempt to forget about the sweltering heat and obnoxious bees, and disappear into someone else's fictional life.

Now that I'm back in civilization I've decided to be less attached to these devices that steal simplicity and pleasure away from my life. But it's a tough routine to change, because here I am, listening to Drake on my iPod, typing furiously away on my laptop (with twitter, facebook, gmail, AIM, and my blog open), with my phone not three inches away. And where is the book that was such a great companion to me all weekend? It lies lonely and unfinished in my bedroom, where I dropped it after I got home.

I suppose the trip was just that -- a trip. We can't always escape the negatives of technology and modern life, but it was a nice reminder to me to retreat into simple times whenever I can. It was a weekend well-spent, with much loved friends and fun times I won't forget anytime soon.

Aside from the camaraderie, I already miss the night sky. I miss seeing the Milky Way and the millions of stars, and I miss hoping that I'll look up at exactly the right time and catch a shooting star in it's short-lived trip across the sky. Seeing that huge darkness and all the stars reminds you of how small you are, and it's reassuring in a way.

I guess I just need to bring camping philosophy into my everyday civilian life. Simplify, retreat, have fun, remember your insignificance every once in a while. Wear plenty of sunblock. Oh, and bring band-aids.

flight

It felt like freedom. Sometimes, things just feel right.
I can't really express how good it was to just be on the ice again...but I liked the challenge.
And something about physically falling and getting up and trying again is so...simple and nice.



Waking up sore this morning was a good feeling. I want this back.
It made me happy in a way that I haven't been for a while..



Thanks C for documenting, thanks B for the accompaniment and opportunity. (:

oh, those summer nights

I need to work at living in the moment
instead of considering the future
and questioning the past.

direction

The weekend was perfect! But hey, I'm speaking in the past tense and I still have some hours to burn before I can officially whine about it being Monday again. An adventure might be coming around...but for now I'm content with re-capping.

It's nice being around people who are goal-oriented. I was talking to C. about this today when she was here; hanging out with goal-oriented people makes me more goal-oriented. And goals are good: they give me something to direct my crazy energy towards. That's something I have to work on, usually I feel as though my energy gets wasted and I end up sitting around thinking too much and making myself sad or bored.

I'm looking forward to so much now. The rest of the summer, the trip to Asia, being home for small bursts...and then the start of my second year. First year was quite an adventure, but it seemed to lack direction. Next year I want to have things to focus on and goals to achieve. I want to work hard and feel rewarded. Next year I want to feel like I'm taking myself somewhere and making something of myself, instead of just having meaningless daily fun.

Lately my dreams have been telling me to expect disappointment or trouble...not gonna lie, this kind of frightens me because I'm in such a happy-go-lucky place in my life right now. I can't foresee any kind of discontentment on the horizon and I'm afraid that it will sneak up on me.

But I'm not worrying too much. I won't worry my life away! (:

breath

There's makeup on the pillow from the nights I'm out too late
There are plans and thoughts in my mind, cause I can't seem to wait
for things to keep on happening, I need to set the pace
but they say to take it slow, this life is not a race

---

More and more, the every day roller coaster is teaching me how to depend on myself and where to find the people to truly count on. I feel like I'm living the Sex & the City life cause right now the guys in my life are kinda whaaack. My close girl friends are so fun to chill with or go out on adventures with or cause trouble with...and it's really different from kicking it with boys, obviously. It's so weird cause it's kinda opposite from home-life, but I like both. I CAN HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS, TOO!

Which brings me to the point that I kind of have been really liking Miley Cyrus the past couple of days. Today I watched the Hannah Montana movie (and kind of secretly loved it). "See you again" has been on repeat lately, it's so fun to dance to hehe. SHH GUYS, this is a big secret. I told myself I would never like Miley but oh well.

Cause HONESTLY honestly, we all have our Hannah Montana sides! HAHA this is maybe one of the lamest analogies I've ever made but...I totally get it. We all have that interior that only a few people know. And I especially feel that there's a switch that I turn on when I go to parties or hang out with people. I feel like a different person. There's a select few here who know both sides to the story, and I think I'm going to keep it that way for now.

SO you know how there's that saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea"? Metaphorically, I totally understand. But yesterday I went grunion running and there were like...no fish in the sea. I was in the ocean for like 1+ hour getting DRENCHED (and loving it) and we caught one fish. We meaning the people who caught me and J. on our way to doing our laundry and convinced us to go with them to Seal Beach. Sigh, summer adventures...that result in late nights...and sleepy days...and bad grades on stats tests. BOO.

But yeah basically grunions are fish, once a year they come in to mate and when the waves come in they wash up on the beach and stuff. There were SO many people out trying to catch them, it was pretty crazy! I loved just being in the ocean at night, it just feels like another world. I got completely soaked and it was exhilirating.

So that brings my beach count for the summer up to a measly 2. Both were rather spontaneous nighttime adventures. Once was with A., a new friend(?). We'll see.

Honestly, tonight there are so many things I could do and I love that. But I'm kind of excited to take a breather and take it slow...for once, right? I haven't had much down time lately, there are people to see and things to do. I don't get a chance to write as often and I think my skills are definitely going down the drain. It's a scribbled thought accompanying my morning ramen or sandwiched between my late-night teeth-brushing and KO on the pillow.

I'm very excited to see C. tomorrow. (:

I can't control my train of thought right now! It's definitely de-railed. So I'll make some lists, cause that is what I am good at.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LATELY:
-I'm not a very romantic person.
-We're all a little bit racist.
-The Exorcist was not that scary.
-I feel low when I feel like there are no options.
-This is more of an opinion...but I think my cupcakes are better than Sprinkles. Maybe I just got a big ego (cue music)

---
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
---

GOALS:
summer:
-learn how to read palms (holla Arjun. hahah)
-get a bike, bike to Newport
-maybe run a 5k.
-learn how to play Ego and The Climb on the piano
-get back to ice skating
next year:
-formal rush but don't pledge
-join ASUCI
-write for the New U
-or join the yearbook
-Snowboard club?
-learn how to DANCE!
-join an environmental friendly club
-get into SPOP

---

This was the most random blog ever...

let me get my theme music

just forget everything that you know
let's take it all the way back to hello
they say you living like you died before
i got a place that only i can go...

---

SUMMER (:

Although I have been under house arrest for the past couple days I managed to leave the house today. And it was GLORIOUS! I love being home with these people. They get my endorphins up, you guys are my endorphrends. Sorry. I feel like I am on crack right now.

I'm excited to go back to Irvine too, though. Always this limbo.

I thought this blog would be more cohesive and thoughtful, but I just wanna have fun right now. Summer summer summmmmerrrrrr. Best word in the dictionary.

the cusp

Thus ends my freshman year at UC Irvine. Although I'm not moved out yet (quite the contrary in fact) everything has winded down. My roommate moved out today at 3; unfortunately, I wasn't around to bid her goodbye. I returned to half a barren room. The other side was as opposite of barren as possible, starting me on this endless task of packing my many many belongings. My freshman year lies forlornly around me, taking up more space than I can afford. Posters, quotes, random bits of memorabilia that my packrat self has decided to stow away. I suppose I feel some sort of success, looking back upon it all. But I think that's mostly because I tried so much, failed so much, and learned so much in turn.

I could go into details about personal growth and all that miscellaneous blabber but that's a more private entry that requires a bit more thought and reflection on my part. I haven't really sat down and thought about how I've changed over the past year, and I don't think it's something that can really be listed anyway. The important thing is I'm taking the lessons with me; hopefully they'll remind me to screw my head on straight.

The fact is, I know I've changed. We've all changed. It's surreal to think that just one year ago we were wearing those bedsheets they call graduation gowns, filled with an exuberance about the "last" summer in Cupertino and the adventures that the fall would bring us. Looking at all the pictures of 2009 graduating and going to prom and SANP is strange. It makes me feel old and irrelevant. And it feels like they're tresspassing on something that I've staked as my own claim; those events should belong to me and 2008. It's hard to realize that everyone has their own memories and everyone makes it what it is for themselves. It's hard to realize how important their graduation is to them, when the 2008 graduation is the only one that bears any significance for me. But of course this is always how it is, you're looking into the fishtank most of the time, and on special occasions you are the fish. Once you're outside the tank again it's weird to look at the fish and think it was you, just moments ago.

Enough with the far-fetched analogy. There are definitely similarities between June 2008 and June 2009. For instance, I am sick. Graduation last year I was feeling feverish, and what resulted was a rather miserable (but memorable nonetheless) SANP, and then a week of recovery. I guess I can't stop myself from going full speed at the end of the year. It's always jam-packed and I'm not good at slowing down and taking care of myself. These "ends" will never happen again, right? Might as well make it memorable and suffer the consequences later. Full speed ahead! (:

I'm worried about coming home though. I don't want to be sick for the one week I have at home, sandwiched between long stays in Irvine. I have so much I want to do in that one week that being bed-ridden would completely KILL me! So I'm stocking up on vitamin C and pounding my body with fluids. And I'm not one to rely on medicine, but I have some Motrin in my bag. Just in case of emergency.

Besides that, I'm really excited for this summer. I know I won't be staying in one place for long, essentially I'm splitting my time between Irvine, Cupertino, and Indonesia. But I've always liked the jet-setting lifestyle and I hope the shortness of my stays will prevent me from becoming lazy and putting off things that I want to do. It does suck that I won't be able to spend more time in NorCal, but there's no fighting it now I guess. This is the first fragmented summer of many to come, I feel. In a way it's good: these short bursts of home keep reminding me of how good it is for me and keep me wanting more. I leave just when I'm really appreciating it, and it draws me back like nothing else.

Home just sounds so good right now. My dorm is empty and I can finally be unabashedly myself: singing Taylor Swift as I pack, being the messy and loud person that I naturally am without infringing on the comfort of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, but we all need our own space. And alone time was so limited this year. It was hard to sit and just BE, to wind down and re-achieve zen. To type a nice long blog and listen to music full blast. This is what home offers to me in my mind: a place where I can be myself without worrying. Sorry guys, I know I'm weird, but I know they've accepted my quirks and I've accepted theirs. This mutual understanding is what makes home that much more precious, no more judgements and the knowledge that they'll be there through thick and thin. The comfortable-as-you-are ambiance is something that Irvine lacks for a large part and is what I miss most.

Finals ended last night at 9pm (just as the Lakers won...) and I spent the night packing, playing tetris, and slowly burning up. I went to bed with a fever and chills, hating myself for having such a sad immune system. I woke up feeling better though, and I went to an Obey warehouse sale and shopped shopped shopped! I'm terrible at saving money, but hey, I deserved this. Today I packed and helped friends move, hung out a little bit and stressed over the swollen-ness of my stupid lymph nodes. (Is that what they are?) Tonight I'm hanging out with pledge sisters and the bros, and having a sleepover in Monique's room hopefully. The last kick! And tomorrow morning my parents are coming to pick me up. Hopefully I'll be completely packed and I can just throw my stuff in the car and BOUNCE!

I am so ecstatic that summer is here! It tastes like sweet tea from chick-fil-a and sounds like the laughter of friends and music on full blast. It smells like chlorine and ocean and Chipotle and frozen yogurt. It looks like a great view from Highway 9, a sunset over the beach, sunny days wherever I am. I can't wait to see my friends, and my family, and to recuperate and not worry about jack squat! ANTICIPATION! I have high hopes for Summer 2009 and I won't let myself down. (: (longboarding, DJing, being tan, getting my hair back to regular color, exercising, cooking, scrapbooking, finding dorm decor, industrial bar piercing?, bonfires, BAKING, beach trips, SF, dance choreos, sleepovers, camping, shopping, making bank, karaoke, bowling, swimming, movie marathons, piano, ice skating, reading, vegetating, eating too much, sitting around doing nothing with people who mean everything (:...etc.)

I'm such a rambler. This blog is way too long. Time to get back to packing!
HOME SOON!!! (:

sigh of relief

So judging from the varied "IMUNNA DIEEE" tweets that my friends posted, I'm guessing we all pretty much had a hard week. This week was jam packed for me and I am now over the week 1 hump, with two rather sad side effects:
1. Busy schedule = no time for project 365. I neglected it rather shamefully, and I am realllly sad about this. I guess it only really lasted for 60 days? I'll pick it up again later, for sure.
2. My throat is starting to get a little sore, which frightens me. I DO NOT WANT TO BE SICK! ):

Besides that, I have tons of reading to do this weekend. Which I am actually not dreading. In fact, I am kind of excited to pick up my texts! My classes are pretty engaging and interesting so far and I'm happy that I picked classes that actually spark my interest:

Stats & Probability: okay, so this class has a lot of homework and tests but I'm thinking that's gonna keep me on the ball. The reading is pretty easy so far and there's a lot of people in this class with me. By far the best thing about this class is the professor. He reminds me of an old wise turtle cause he talks kind of slow and has some sort of strange (but kind of enjoyable) inflection. The first class he was sick so he sounded like he was drowning in his own phlegm half the time, especially when he said "guh-guh-guhghg-good". He keeps everyone awake in this class with his slow, subtle humor...or actually, I think most of the time everyone is just laughing at how strange he is. Haha. The first class he talked about giraffes and now I'm not sure I know what a giraffe is. Today he talked about letting a die decide the route of your life and now I'm convinced that it will be a fun experiment.

Humanities Core: The lecturer this week is relatively good. What I'm most concerned with is my pregnant discussion leader. First of all, I am a little bit (a lot bit) freaked out by pregnant women, and damn she is PREGNANT. Her belly button is no longer inverted. Every time I look up there I think about how there are actually TWO PEOPLE behind the podium, not just one. So she's due like 8th week of the quarter so she's leaving 6th week I believe. She made a joke about how she might go into labor in the middle of class...nobody laughed. Everyone kind of got tense and looked at each other like "how fast do you think I can drop this discussion??" She tried to smooth over that fail joke but I don't think it worked. She's really nice though, really smart and I feel like she'll be a good discussion leader. Second bad thing about this situation is that once she leaves, my professor (aka HEAD of the whole HumCore dept) is taking over. Just the last three or four weeks...oh yeah, and she's grading my research paper (70% of my grade) and my final (50% of my grade). I'M A LITTLE SCARED.

Atmosphere: This teacher is clueless. She struggles with her powerpoints and all the TAs are super ^___^ Y so they don't really know how to help her either...but it's okay. It's KIND of interesting, so far I've learned about the ozone and water vapor and great things like that. ALSO this guy: TROY HARTMAN. Surfs on air! Because really, we are at the bottom of an ocean of air! Hahaha. SO COOLLLLL. Oh and during the first class she mentioned "Pineapple Express" and EVERYONE perked up. But she didn't mean THAT kind of pineapple express...she meant the warm current of winds from Hawaii! Duh!!!

Urban Studies: Definitely love this class. The teacher is super passionate and pretty much knows EVERYTHING about every city that ever graced the face of this planet. He seriously made the three hour lecture super interesting, he has tons of pictures (that he took himself!) of cities ranging from Machu Pichu to Vienna to Beijing to Mumbai. He's super well-traveled, knowledgeable, approachable, and e's really funny too, and the class feel is just really engaging and interesting. This class is making me consider a major in urban planning or urban studies.

Besides academics, I've been rushing for PAPhi Lil Sis this week. So I went out to all their events just for fun and to meet people and they all turned out to be really cool. I'm a little wary of doing the program and I'm not completely sure I want to be invested in it yet, but we'll see what happens. The rush chair actually JUST called me and told me to come pick up an application at their booth sooo I will see how that goes.

I definitely had my gross grumpy patch on like Wednesday and Thursday. I was in the worst mood ever and every little thing was getting on my nerves but I'm pretty much over that now I think! Life is rainbows and daffodils again. I think it's cause it's Friday and it's sunny. (:

I've been in and out of my room so much this week that it's getting pretty grody...I need to clean and do laundry and catch up on reading and all that goodness.

Random highlights of the week:
-Natalie's phone call on April Fools
-watching Meher get his hair cut via Skype

DAMN spring break feels so long ago. Still missing NorCal hella-effing much but I'm keeping busy here so I won't die of loneliness.

I'm on a bus

motherfuckers, take a look at me.

YES! The title is indeed true, because I am blogging to you live from the Vietnamese Bus*. Slash Highway Five. It's a great day out here on the highway for a number of reasons:
1. the sun is shining! (even though I can't feel it and all the shades are drawn..)
2. I just found out this bus has wifi. LEGIT
3. the Jacki Chan movie about the Tuxedo is playing...which is a huge upgrade from Miss Vietnam Global. (Although I do love a good pageant show)
and of course,
4. "I'm On A Boat" has been stuck in my head for the past 3-4 hours, except the remixed version that my head created, "I'm On A Bus"...it's pretty great.
All in all a successful trip thus far. My estimated arrival time in Irvine is probably around 4 or 5, and from there I have a nice lonely evening and perhaps a kickback to attend if plans legitimize. (Is that even a word?)

*For those of you who are interested, I skipped out on the sandwich after finding out that it really is actually ground liver. And no, there is no nail salon. Unfortunate, my nails could use some work.

I just looked out my window....SHIET, MIDDLE CAL! D: Shoot me now. This giant bus is gonna kill so many butterflies and bugs. And there are no nice trees and hills for me to entertain my eyes with. Which leads me to the second list of my blogpost:

Why NorCal is Far Superior (from both SoCal and MidCal, if that even counts as a segment of Cal.)
1. THE AIR. So much more fresh, crisp, clean, more adjectives that remind you of a salad. Honestly, I can see LA from some parts in Irvine and it looks kind of like Mordor. Smog is no fun, kids.
2. Trees. There are a LOT more trees. And it's just a lot more dense and green and lush. Plus we have the REAL trees (ie Redwoods) not the wimpy little trees that I don't know the names of. They're nice too, but Redwoods will always be my favorite.

3. Hills. I never really noticed, but Cupertino is constantly receiving a giant hug from the hills on pretty much all sides. And they are GREEN and fabulous. I just want to run up all of them and sing about how the hills are alive with the sound of music. But then I remind myself that I am not in that great shape and I am also not Julie Andrews, so I will content myself with driving up the hills with my friends (HOLLA highway 9!). NorCal has soo many great lookout spots; perhaps I'm just not well acquainted with Irvine enough to know where the good spots are, but so far the only place I know of is the top floor of the parking structure. WIN.


4. Character. I feel like NorCal is not as manufactured and planned as SoCal. Especially Irvine, which was plotted out specifically and planned meticulously by the Irvine Company. Hooray for having a Utopian style town (bleh) but um...I like towns and cities that grow. I can't really explain it, but just looking around the streets of NorCal you KNOW that there's character and stories and growing. SoCal just feels too materialistic and image-conscious.
5. They say we have nothing, but honestly we have everything. We have the Bay. The beaches, the hills, and everything in between. We have great cities like SF and we have Santa Cruz and scenery and real trees...and we have Tahoe! Although that is kind of a drive.
6. NorCal has tons of Priuses! I saw one that was painted really nicely; it was an ocean scene I think? Then it blended into a rainbow. THE POINT IS we are environment-friendly! Unlike Mordor and those smog producing Orcs. I hardly ever see Priuses in SoCal and when I do it makes me a little happy inside. Haha.
7. The people. This one is kind of a given.


Which leads me to the discussion of a most fabulously-spent holiday. It's hard to believe that a little less than a week ago, Nate, Crystal and I were careening down this same highway, killing bugs without a thought, heading for HOME and friends and happiness. I can honestly say, although this break seems to be ending prematurely, it was very well spent in great company. It just fits, like puzzle pieces nawmean? I guess I didn't truly realize the significance of HOME before this break, I don't know why. I have a lot more to say on this subject but as it is, this blogpost is already quite long and I know that if I got into the details it would be more self-reflective boring-for-you-to-read material. So I will hold off on that and write about random things instead.

The guy sitting catty corner from me was writing in his moleskine earlier. I wanted to pat him on the head, but I held myself back. I'm giving Nate a holla by using his fave phrase, "catty corner." And when I was asking how to spell it, this greatness happened:
N: catty and kitty are also exceptable
C: okay
C: ACCEPTABLE*
C: SHIET SON, YOU JUST GOT CORRECTED
N: shiit
C: I AM GOING TO BLOG ABOUT THIS.

So I did. Also he gave a really weak excuse:
N: I woke up like an hour ago so gimme a break

Hahaha, oh meepkins. Not getting off that easy. This is a victory that I am going to relish forever. CHyeah I just immortalized it into my blogspot. What now.

Last night I had a dream that I was on my way to class and I got a phone call from a mystery number. I picked it up, and it was none other than JASON MRAZ. He was calling to tell me that he wanted me to dance in his music video or something. And do you know what I said???? "Can I call you back later? I'm in class."
I take that as a really good sign for my grades next quarter. You don't just turn down Jason Mraz! I was surprised at my dream-self when I woke up.

Anyway, spring break was The Shit minus some sourness with my parents that I can forget about. I am re-energized for the hardest quarter this year, and I'm ready to work hard and slack off less. Being home reminded me that there are good people in the world and that there are reasons to prove yourself and have ambitions. It was just the breath of fresh air that I needed.

edit// 4pm
In my dorm room! Just added some pics...and this is me at the end of the Vietnamese bus trip:


YAY

and in the end

"...the love you take
is equal to
the love you make."
-the end, the beatles

Reading people's blogs about coming home made me really happy. I can't wait to be back in the Bay myself next Friday night. (:

I feel like I wasted this quarter (on academic terms), and it's now when I'm re-reading material that I realize how interesting the subject matter was. It all ties together, which I'm finding really cool, because studying for one class is actually helping me understand the other classes better at the same time. I learned a lot about myself this quarter, too; specifically I found out my interest in culture and urban studies. I feel like a great example of an undeclared student; I'm like an octopus projecting out my tentacles and searching for a topic to suction myself to for four years. Ain't that a pretty picture.

The Beatles & the 60s was an amazing class and I am a fountain of Beatles trivia now! Tis quite fun. Psych was what I expected, I probably should have stayed awake during lecture more. And attended a discussion or two. Haha, out of the 10 discussions that were held I went to zero. Pat on the back for me. And Humcore was hot and cold for me. Cold being Weimar Republic, pre-war German culture, Porgy & Bess, and hot being Alberti's On Painting, Death & Life of American Cities, and coolhunting with Malcolm Gladwell. Although I did get some rather interesting material from the cold segment.

Anyway, I am excited for a break, obviously, but also to jump in to the subjects I am taking next quarter. I hope I'll realize early on how interesting it is, instead of realizing at the last moment as I am now.

Spring Quarter:
HumCore - the theme next quarter is "doing" and involves the study of music/revolutions and the such, as well as the production of a giant research paper that I am not looking forward to. Also reading some of Gandhi's work which I am looking forward to!
The Atmosphere - the course description mentioned something about weather patterns...so I'm hoping to gain insight about the weather so I can more appropriately plan what to wear every day. hah, that is what I call applying studies to every day life. Yeah honestly I don't really know what this class is about...
Stats & Probability - not looking forward to this, because as we all probably know, I am very mathematically challenged. People say stats is the easiest math to take and it is a BREEZE but for me I am still a little worried. This class takes care of a GE plus a requirement for the Bus. Man. minor so I hope I have the strength to be smart and stick with it.
Intro to Urban Studies - I'm not sure if I'm going to forsure take this class, both because it would put me at 20 units and cause it's on Thursday nights from 7-9:50. Yes. Three hours, on COLLEGE NIGHT. ): I signed up for this class last minute because the little detour that HumCore took into urban planning really interested me, and I heard the teacher is really cool. BUT STILL! Urban Studies > College night? Stay tuned.

Also next quarter I am hoping to
-study more
-exercise more
-be healthier in general
-sleep earlier

COOL! Catchya laterrr

retreat

I've wrapped myself in text. My days are spent with my nose in a book, or with my eyes glued to a computer screen. Not facebooking, maybe on twitter once in a while, but generally, reading.

I'm finding this personal space and immersion in studying someone else's words very relaxing, somehow. Like I am finally doing something to counter my stupid anti-productivity of the recent past. And it's easy to just adopt someone's perspective and regurgitate; what's hard is figuring out if what is being said is right for you and if it applies to your life. Luckily for me (?), that is not what my final demands of me.

The Science Library is my new favorite place.


It's a different view by day


transformed at night.

Good luck to everyone,
on the tests that really don't matter
in subjects that may or may not interest us.

hats

One time, I did this project in the fifth grade about how the president wears a ton of different hats, like the commander-in-chief hat and the economic-adviser hat and such and such.

Everyone wears hats, not just the president.

My - button is sticky, I think there is a tiny bit of salsa verde chip jammed under it. Because I can not watch my opera without a spicy snack, and the crunchy factor split it when I bit it and it flew into my keyboard. Now, my -_- faces are made with great effort, so if I give you one remember to be grateful.

I've been productive & restless, I'm still looking for something and growing and gaining insight. Time flies, I feel different. It's cool.

Today Nate said, "Maybe when you grow up." Really, maybe when I grow up. When do we hit the age of "grown up"? And is it a mental thing or an emotional thing or a physical thing or what?

"Sometimes, I just wanna dance." -LMFAO

P.S. Do you know about The Secret?

LMFAO

rocks. so does dj air keke


yay skyblu and redfoo
they were crazyfun


dj air hollahollahollaaaa


me & skyblu

yee. today was gold. i went to zero classes, oops. homework time!

happy bubble

It's cool to let things roll off your shoulders and accept things for what they are. I kind of miss high school days, but there is SO much that I am looking forward to in the coming years. Growing is fun, I feel like a plant.

My weekend was fun-filled. It was delicious and perfect. My essay on the other hand, is neither of the two.

Oops @ me getting written up by my RA's boyfriend. Yeah, the one I had a 2-hour breakfast expedition with. Haha, oh life.

when

will I be this happy, content, appreciative again? I'm going to try and make it last forever.


a beautiful magnolia tree -- I like the curve. Do you see it?


I like my daffodils



Neverland, basically.

I feel so blessed, thank you to whatever forces rule this universe 'cause I feel like I am learning so much in such a happy and mind-opening way.

My soundtrack of the moment is almost purely Beatles, Beach Boys, and Simon & Garfunkel. Do I even belong in this era anymore? haha.

irresponsible weekends

are something that I absolutely love.

My weekends always start early because I'm done with class on Thursdays at 2pm. Around 12 hours after that I received a call from Crystal, so I met up with her and her SD friends at Jack in the Box. The following four hours consisted of chatting and eating delicious pho, and then I pretty much crashed in the trunk of Matt's Land Rover and failed at directing them to the UCI exit. So OKAY, I was on my way to SD. Hooray spontaneity.



A fully chill weekend where my mind did not stray to homework; not once, thanks to the eat-sleep-eat more routine. And now I am greeted with quite a pile! Oops! Irresponsible weekends bite you in the ass, I now have an essay to write and 50 pages to read.

I doubt I will be finishing my homework tonight, what with the Grammys (aka terrible performaces by Katy Perry and effing Miley Cyrus, but cutie Paul McCartney so it's all okay) and my EXCITEMENT for the vendor sales coming to UCI tomorrow! I know it will be rainy but I am so, SO thrilled to once again have the mall come to me and I will empty my wallet readily. So sad. But I am applying for jobs, brownie points for me right?

Oh, and I said I would write about He's Just Not That Into You. When honestly, I should be writing about a movie called He's Just Not That Into You...YET!

While the first half of the movie was cynically pleasing and realistically portrayed, the second half completely failed and just adhered to chick-flick standards, causing the packed theatre to drown in "oohs" and "aahs". Pretty much the movie went against what it was trying to say, so it was a little disappointing. Still enjoyable overall though, I just wish it hadn't started off so realistically and ended up so fairytale-like. Sorry kids, reality bites.

So pretty much all I'm waiting for is Lil Wayne on the Grammys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C68ONaIAaw
WHY is he so cute? Hahaha I was laughing so hard. Newfound respect for Weezy F. Baby.

My horoscope tells me to be ready to jump in for adventure and change. This excites me. However, last night I dreamt of a lion dying. Upon referral to my little dream book, I found that a lion symbolized leadership and strength. SO leadership and strength are dying in my life? YEAH cool...haha.

ALSO! I got a twitter! My friend convinced me to get one, so I did. I'm easily persuaded. You guys should get one too, if you want. It confuses me. But yeah it seems cute or stalkery, I still can't decide.

OK I'm out! Peace.