blog barf

It seems to be an appropriate time to blog, considering the fact that I found out within the span of ten shocking minutes that I have a quiz and homework due tomorrow, as well as a final on Thursday for Anthro. Good thing I didn't go to Anthro at all last week. Oh week 9, how far away and lost you are to me.

So, I sit here neglecting my "responsibilities", as I am so apt to do. Instead of getting a move on my ridiculous student life, I watched "Above and BEYONCE" (clever, right?) on Fuse for an hour as I munched on tortilla chips and fresh-made guacamole. Beyonce is the greatest diva ever and I love her.

After realizing I spent a good hour polishing off that avocado and watching Beyonce transform from her glammed out, big hair, booty shakin days to her more sleek and polished...booty shakin (complete with robot hand), I headed to my bomb shelter of a room and decided that things must be done! So I blog.

Currently I am updating my iPod after what feels like a decade of not doing so. Sometime in the summer I accidentally pressed "sync" and about half of the songs from my PC library got deleted. Every time after that when I plugged my iPod into my laptop to add new songs, more oldies disappeared. Today I am taking the plunge and recklessly deleting all my old music and resorting to only having the music from my laptop on my iPod. Will I regret this? Maybe. Probably. Because what will I ever do when I just want to listen to music from the Hairspray soundtrack?? And this actually happens more often then you would think. But hi-ho, I can't be stuck in the past forever, and no regrets, yada yada yada. I know I'm being a little dramatic for JUST an iPod but...SIGH. I had been building that library for a good four years and now it is all going to music heaven in one fell swoop. Actually it's taking kind of a long time and those rotating arrows are killing me slowly.

ANYWAY, I have also been munching on these amazing dark chocolate/peppermint bark morsels from Dove. It always confused me when I saw Dove products in the candy aisle because I was like, what? Soap? Candy? What? BUT yeah these babies are delicious. Got me thinking of making a batch of peppermint bark sometime in the future. Another great thing about these is that every wrapper comes with a quick holiday tip from MARTHA STEWART HERSELF...in the past five minutes I have eaten three (do not judge) and have received the following holiday tips from the home-ec goddess:

-Try printing your own labels to personalize holiday tins.

-Use cake stands to serve food on your buffet table.

-Keep poinsettias out of drafty spaces.

I must admit they are rather drab pieces of advice, but these little tips have me unwrapping more and more chocolates. NOT because I am a fatty and want to taste the deliciously rich chocolate and peppermint medley melting in my mouth and seeping into my system...just because I want to read what Martha has to say. I mean, she went to jail, guys. If that doesn't equal life experiences/life advice then I don't know WHAT does.

But these holiday tips do have me in a rather festive moods. Plans are formulating in my mind; plans of turning myself into a cupcake factory and delivering home made cupcakes to everyone I like (making a list, checking it twice), plans of making aforementioned peppermint bark, along with cake balls and home-made ornaments, etc. etc. etc. Just call me Martha Jr.

The thing is though, these plans will probably not come to fruition. Well, aside from the cupcakes. I mean...my apartment is bare enough as it is and the wonderland of pine garlands and twinkly lights that I dream of would take sooo much EFFORT and MONEY. And I am quite short on both. SIGH, we'll see. Finals will roll around and I will suddenly find myself with SO much time and energy to do anything (but study) so...I guess I will keep you updated on my holiday cheer-meter.

Speaking of holiday cheer....Thanksgiving was not full of it. I'm sorry, I know it's a great holiday and all, but my parents freaking took me to Reno. Las Vegas' trampy little wannabe sister. It was so, so depressing.

Thursday evening we arrived at the hotel, with the casino on the first floor as usual. It was around 6pm, right when most families are sitting down ready to carve the (hopefully moist) turkey. And the casino was populated with older, lonely people. Sipping a beer or smoking a cigarette, seated at a slot machine with no friends or smiles in sight. It was really sad. Is this what some people are destined for? And if this is how they spend their Thanksgiving you can only imagine what the rest of their days are like.

Throughout the whole trip I saw sad people like that. The over-eager waitress with thick eyeliner trying to make her Thanksgiving better than it was, the family at the buffet with fighting kids until the mother told them to "shut the fuck up".....things like that. SIGH RENO, why you bummin me out.

Maybe it's my fault for thinking about this too much and maybe they shouldn't even be pitied to begin with. Who am I to judge and say that their lives are so sad and small? Certainly it's not something I would want for myself but then again it's only a glimpse of what I see of their lives, and I'm so quick to judge and assume and pity them. For all I know they could actually be so much happier than it seems. But also maybe not.

Anyway. Recently I guess I've been doubting everything I do. And when I say everything I mean everything. Motives, consequences, every single little thing. Maybe it was sitting in the car plugged into my iPod for a grand total of like...twelve hours that did it. Too much time to think. Thinking usually means looking back and grating on myself for past mistakes and regrets, and yes I will not lie, I regret a LOT of stuff from back in the day. I don't want to go back and dig up all these past mistakes so I should just...leave them in the ground, right? So I'm so set on doing that but at the same time I can't stop looking back and wishing I did something else, said something else, chose something else.

This second guessing just leads to more second guessing in the present. And about the future, I guess. I'm asking myself too much...and things I was so sure about just a couple weeks ago seem so distant and uncertain now. I don't know what is going to bring about some solidarity in my life but maybe I should just get used to this up in the air feeling.

And speaking of up in the air...my plane ride from SJ to the OC was delightful. I love being a stranger. Absolutely adore it. And also that feeling that you get, right as you take off, when your stomach drops a little bit and you don't know whether or not you're going to die...I love that feeling. It's the uncertainty, the tiny moment that you hang in the air wondering if you're going to fall in some spectacular crash of flame and metal, or if you're going to catch the wind and soar, continue on your way. That moment gives me such peace, that moment when I feel like I might just die. This sounds really morbid. But I really like that moment -- reminiscent of a Tyler Durden "near-life experience" type thing. And I really like turbulence...and we had a lot, surprisingly.

Plane rides just make me happy in general. Feeling so far from the world below with it's grounding tendencies is refreshing and I love being in the air away from it all. The houses slowly getting back to regular size always bums me out a little bit.

I talked with my friend about plans today. He's a meticulous planner, very methodical, very thought-out, and he always follows through with his plans. Whereas I am a planner, but have much less follow-through. I don't know whether to consider this a good or bad thing, I guess there are some moments for both sides. Just that....the plans I have right now...I really want them to happen. And it scares me knowing my tendencies.

But I've made some recent changes.

I am going to stay busy as to avoid this over-thinking. Because thinking makes me dig holes and then I dig giant holes and then I find that I am stuck in these giant holes. Instead, I will keep busy, eat chocolate, and study more. YES.

I've also decided to be a vegetarian. As of today I have not eaten meat for 5 days, I am winning.

I think that's about it...I just got an invitation to go shopping at Nordstrom (WITH AN EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT) and I don't know how to handle this. Hyperventilating. Really wanting to buy shit that I don't really need. Must study. OMG, BRAIN EXPLOSION.

where to begin

It's been so long since I've actually written any of the thoughts crossing my mind that I don't know where to start. How do I even go about doing this thoroughly?

Where I left off...I was still in Jakarta at my aunt's house. After that, I spent 3 days in Jogja being a tourist and visiting various Buddhist/Hindu temples. I also watched a show about Ramayana that I really enjoyed, and I ate lots of hella CHEAP & DELICIOUS local food. If you know me, you know I love the cheap & delicious. SIGH, we had dinner for six for twelve dollars. And it was SOO yummyyyy...okay, my mouth is watering. And my mom hasn't gone to Costco to re-stock our house yet, so all I've eaten so far is crackers from the plane. No more talk of food.

After Jogja, we returned to my aunt's house to re-pack for the weekend at my grandma's house. A 2-hour drive away, it's in a city called Bandung, and is infested with mosquitoes. My bug bite count probably quadrupled thanks to Bandung.

The first thing I do whenever I get to my grandma's house is look at the photos on the walls. There are tons of them, pictures of me and my cousins and my aunts and uncles at various ages. The most recent one of me is actually from when I was like 12 probably...this must change. But there are pictures of me at three dressed up in snow gear in Ohio, and pictures of me and my grandpa and grandma and cousins at Disneyland when I was six...times I don't really remember, but times I'm glad that my grandma is documenting. There's also a relatively recent family portrait; but sadly my family is absent. I felt like it was kind of mirroring the current situation: just a visit, 3 weeks of peeking into the family life that my cousins live every day. The people in that portrait welcome us with smiles and open arms but soon enough we always turn away.

There's also an 8x10 of my grandfather, who passed away when I was about ten or eleven. His face looks so serious but I've seen pictures where he's holding my sister and he's laughing and it looks like it comes so easily. I see some resemblance in my mother and aunts when I look at his picture, and I think about all the old stories that my mom used to tell of him, like how he didn't get to finish his education, and instead had to work hard to help support his family. And how he burned his one pair of socks while trying to let them dry...hahah. But when it comes down to it, I don't really remember this man, and it frustrates me. I feel like I have no right to miss him, but I guess I just wish he were around (or I were around more) for us to try and be friends. My one memory of him is probably from when I was eight or nine. He was smoking outside, looking pensive and reserved as usual, and my mom nudged me to go outside and tell him to stop smoking. I was a little reluctant to do so, I think at that age I was a little intimidated by him, and ashamed of my sad grasp on the language. But I tiptoed outside and stood next to him, and looked at him and asked in broken Indonesian, "please don't smoke, ok?" I remember him smiling quietly and putting out his cigarette...but that's pretty much all I have. Maybe one more memory of him retrieving a ball that my cousin and I lost...but for the most part, I know him only from stories and recollections.

I tried harder to get to know my grandma for this reason. She's an excellent chef, better at English than my grandpa was (I think) and still a rather active and very generous woman. I just liked being around her because I feel like she glues our family together. Everyone looks to her with such respect and gratitude and in turn, she takes care of everyone very well.

Just being in my grandma's house feels kind of like a time machine. It startled me when I realized that that was the exact house my mother grew up in. I was looking at old photographs and saw the same clocks and cabinets, the same set up...it was pretty crazy. I visualized my mom watching horror movies alone at night and then tiptoeing to her room fearfully...and then retraced her footsteps as I went to bed. I sat around the same dining table that my mom and her siblings and parents had breakfast and lunch and dinner around for countless years, walked around the same house that my mom's brother lived in for his tragically short life. The uncle I'll never know, aside from seeing his youthful face in old pictures. I can't really describe how I feel when I'm at my grandma's house, but it feels like being home, and it's one of my favorite places in the world.

Another thing about Bandung -- it's one of those towns where everyone knows everyone. Or it used to be that kind of town, at least. I met a tofu vendor who used to sell tofu to my mom when she was my age and younger, and I visited the doctor around the corner that my mom used to see...and went to the apothecary to pick up cough medicine, the same apothecary my grandma used to send my mom to pick up prescriptions. The owners still remembered her and invited her in and started a long conversation, in a trademark of Indonesian hospitality. It was pretty crazy realizing how much of my mom's history took place in that town.

...

back to reality

I have been home for less than one hour and already I have made five separate lists of things to do before I go back to Irvine. SIGH, back to reality much?

My last night in Singapore I tossed and turned, insomnia-stricken, my mind running wild with tons of things to write about -- the trip, my experiences, observations, resolutions, etc...but now I'm kind of lazy. I just want to sit and be home for a while, vegetate for a bit. Real blog coming tomorrow I guess. I only have a week before I'm back at school sooo...busy days ahead! (:

coming home, part three

I am finally in Jakarta. And quite exhausted. The past two days were pretty empty days, mostly spent sitting around waiting for planes that kept getting delayed. I won't go into detail but I will just say it took an extra 24 hours to actually make it to Jakarta, with a couple spare hours spent in Singapore with my aunt and adorable little cousins.

Before I go on I guess I should recap the rest of the Hong Kong leg of my trip. Day 2 was spent in normal tourist behavior, I guess. We went on a tram that was chugging straight up to Victoria Peak at what seemed like a four o'clock angle. The view from the top was absolutely remarkable! I can't wait to post pictures but I doubt I'll be able to until I'm back in the US. Anyway we lingered for a little bit but the blistering heat discouraged us from staying any longer.

We spent the afternoon lingering in cafes, exploring the IFC mall, and getting better acquainted with the MTR system. Dinnertime found us at a small and delicious restaurant tucked into a corner of the city, close to the water and our next destination, the Avenue of Stars.

Something of the HK version of Hollywood Blvd, the avenue was set right on the water and gave us an amazing view of the lit-up city sandwiched between dark sky and reflective waters. As 8 o'clock rolled around, the Symphony of Lights began and the skyscrapers across from us lit up, syncing with the music that was being projected from behind us. It was extremely well-coordinated and pretty much blew me away...I love watching light shows and things like that. The last time I was in a similar state of awe was probably last summer at the Disneyland fireworks show. SIGH<3

Day three was uneventful and consisted of the usual traveling bore - arriving at the airport early, waiting in line to check in, waiting for planes, etc. The failure of the plane to launch after four hours on the tarmac brought us a free night at the airport hotel as well as free dinner and breakfast.

I observed the crowd of delayed passengers and saw that almost all of them were angry. It got me thinking about stress and anger and how it all really just gets passed on for no real reason, and it was kind of frustrating. Honestly in situations like these anger will get you nowhere. I felt really bad for the guy trying to deal with all the vicious Asians, he looked no more than 21 and there was a look of confusion and panic on his face. I guess all these negative feelings just end up becoming a vicious cycle and they influence our environment for the worse. Honestly, I didn't mind the wait at all. I was just thinking that these people needed to chill and realize that it was not a huge deal.

Plus I had my third book of the trip to keep me company. Usually I hate waiting but now I really don't mind... I just whip out Obama's Dreams From My Father and keep reading about our president. As I read about his childhood in Jakarta, his descriptions came to life in my head, because I've seen everything he described before. In fact, I was heading there. It made me feel a connection to the president, as trivial and unrelated as it may be. This book is really becoming an inspiration for me, cheesy as that may sound. Oh and later on I found out that Obama was my aunt's friend's classmate in Indonesia...CRAZYY!

The next morning at 11 we were FINALLY in the air, and four hours later we were in Singapore, ready for another period of waiting. This time, since we had seven hours, my aunt picked us up and we settled at her house to catch up, eat, and see my cousins. They are 8 and 6, totally adorable, and EXTREMELY high energy.

The flight to Jakarta was a short one and I completely conked out. My other aunt picked us up at the airport and I fell asleep on the way home, the conversation occurring in Indonesian between the grown-ups sounding like music to my ears.

Coming to Indonesia feels oddly like coming home. Even though I can count the number of times I've visited on one hand, coming back to visit was kind of a sigh of relief. I guess it just feels familiar and I've had nothing but positive experiences here, what with spending so much time with all my family and all the relaxation. I guess some of my fondest memories are from the times I've spent in Indonesia, like last time when I was 15.

All my relatives stayed at a villa nestled in the countryside for a weekend. It was the perfect getaway: expansive fields, a cool stream nearby, and a well furnished and comfortable villa to house us all once night fell. Despite the fact that the house was more than able to accommodate us, everyone decided to sleep outside. We pitched tents by the stream, all the kids in one tent whispering and laughing as the adults told us to quiet down. I don't recall ever feeling more happy. Everything else is just a string of memories: laughing at the puppy sliding down the hills on his belly, exploring the stream and losing our sandals, sitting outside eating bananas and watching my talkative little cousin march around the soccer field barefoot, bossing the adults around.

I guess Indonesia is the perfect vacation spot because I feel like a kid again. I'm not the one with responsibilities and a life schedule to plan, I'm just another cousin or niece or granddaughter. I hardly even know the language, too, so I'm not expected to converse fluently with the adults or company. It feels good being a kid again, being around my cousins reminds me of how simple and happy they are and I just feel a weight lifted off my shoulders when I'm playing with them. No judgments, no need to impress, no desire for approval. And it helps that my cousins are all a very talkative, high-energy, and sociable bunch. I wish I could be around more to watch them grow up, though. The last three years since I've seen them have brought considerable change, both in height and personality. I'm always a little apprehensive right before I see them -- what if they don't remember me, or what if they've gotten so different from how I remember them? My last memories of them are so fond that I don't want to replace them, unless of course with better ones.

And I'm pretty sure better memories are close on the horizon. This weekend we're all heading to a tea plantation complete with horses! I am excited. To say the least. (:

I watched two movies on the plane that I really enjoyed: Sunshine Cleaning and Big Fish. Both nearly had me to tears haha. GO WATCH if you haven't already! Time for lunch with my aunt and grandma.

I STICKY.

I decided to not even bother to figure out the time differences and how to switch between HK and CA. Instead, I am adopting the recently acquired camping philosphy that time is of no importance. I mean, I'm on vacation, after all.

After a pretty fast 13 hour flight (consisted of Running With Scissors, 17 Again omgzacefron, & SLEEP), we landed in HK. Immediately after stepping off the plane I was greeted with a cloud of humidity and instantly my pores started filling with sweat. Apparently the fact that it was 5 in the morning does not stop HK from being an already sweltering 87 degrees Fahrenheit.

We left the airport and went on an adventure. After getting picked up by a rollicky double decker reminiscent of the Knight Bus in Harry Potter, we transferred buses a couple more times, stopped at a 7/11 for snackage, and then took a ride through dense greenery to arrive at the Big Buddha. Can I first just say -- Hong Kong is breathtakingly beautiful. It's extremely lush, it's seriously GREEN everywhere you look. The mountains are amazing to look at too, and the ocean view is just as nice. Pictures do not do it justice.

So according to my mother, the story is that if you touch the lotus leaves that the Big Buddha is seated upon, you get to make a wish. We made our way up the many many stairs and soon found ourselves at the foot of the statue. Unfortunately we soon found out that to actually get close enough to touch the lotus, we would have to pay a fee. Any spark of faith in spirituality fizzled quickly...sigh. HAHA. Moving on.

After this little side-trip we went to our hotel. L'Hotel. It's QUITE swanky and I enjoy it immensely! We have a room on the 33rd floor and I absolutely love it, unlike my dad who has a fear of heights. Glancing out the big glass windows and being greeted with a view of high rises and bustling city streets far below fulfills some sort of happiness within me. I sat on my crisp white bed and soaked it in for a while as my sister flipped through channels. We couldn't decide what to watch:
1. A program called "Let's Speak Korean!!" taught by an entirely too enthusiastic Korean girl to an entirely too white man. Pretty entertaining.
2. A (BAD) soap opera where the main character is a white girl who speaks English with a Russian accent, but speaks in Mandarin to her father, who looks EXACTLY like Gimli (complete with beard/grunting) and has recently been diagnosed with diabetes.
Needless to say we found our way to MTV soon enough and fell asleep to Colbie Caillat and Taylor Swift music videos. LOVE!

Random HK tidbits:
-Conversation between me and my mother (some of you know she was concerned about my clothing being not conservative enough.)
Mom: (pointing at girls wearing t-shirts) see, those girls aren't wearing tank tops
Chery: they also look like they haven't seen sunlight in fourteen years. I have a tan to show off.
Mom: (laughs at me. SIGH)
To fit in amongst the HK girls I would probably have to lose 20 pounds and get 30 shades lighter. And then take a trip back to 2006 and give myself lawnmower bangs again.
-My enthusiastic urban studies professor's voice has been in my head because HK is full of...
1. ROUNDABOUTS!! A great way to divert traffic! (drift off into a personal story about getting lost in the roundabouts in Paris)
2. High rises galore!! High density, affordable housing! (insert another miscellaneous story from his well-traveled life)
Seriously, I can hear him echoing in my brain. But I'm interested in all this city stuff and city life is fascinating for me right now so I'm fine with it...
-MINUS the fact that I wish I had...very limited parental attention. Haha. Clubbing & Happy Hour are not activities to bring Ma and Pa along on. NTS, come back with friends. I am dying to explore the city without parents.
-like I mentioned earlier I have 2 bug bites already, more than the rest of my family combined. I don't know whether to be flattered that the bugs love me so much or just plain annoyed. One has swollen to nickel sized and the other to poker chip sized. Incredible. My body really just amazes me sometimes.
-HUMIDITY...I STICKY, ALL THE TIME! The immortal words of Katherine Hu, spoken almost EXACTLY a year ago (!!!) hold extremely true at this point in my life. I don't remember what it feels like to be non-sticky. SIGH, southeast Asia. How you tickle my fancy.
-LOTS OF DRAGONFLIES! They're huge. I also saw these bright red spiders with creepily long legs, and a praying mantis the size of my hand.
-peoplewatching = much fun to be had. Also there are billboards of girls who look like they could go to UCI.

And yeah, I finished reading Running With Scissors. Which I HIGHLY enjoyed & highly recommend. I remembered a recent conversation I had with C about getting really immersed into a book and then starting to hear the narrator in your head...because now Augusten Burroughs basically lives in my head. HAHA I'm starting to feel a little crazy, but yeah there is a narration going on in my mind right now. It's fine. Seriously though, that book was CRAZY good. And CRAZY! But really good.

Oh, and I have been writing entirely too much...someone please buy me an electronic journal with a QWERTY keypad so I can write ALL THE TIME. Being on vacation = too much free time, too much free time = too much thinking, too much thinking = too much writing = hand cramps and chicken scratch handwriting. WiFi would be good too, thanks.

But yeah, I am enjoying Hong Kong so far! I'm not really jetlagged, I guess because my sleep schedule at home was weird enough for me to not feel 13 hours of re-scheduling. Whatever. Ok, goodbye from the lobby of my swanky L'HOTEL! Until the next time the computer is freee...

HK!

HERE! Yay.

Bug bite count: 2. Although I feel like they should count for 2 each because they've swollen to pretty incredible size.

Sigh, internet time is limited. And I finished reading Running With Scissors. C was right, WEIRD...but hilarious.

simplify

I'm back from a weekend camping adventure at Lake Sonoma with the crew, unfortunately missing a few people. One camping thread and much stress on a certain vicious (but well-loved) camp director's part later and we were at campsites #95 and #96, grilling burgers, spewing profanities at bees, and getting gloriously filthy.

It was actually really nice to not have to worry about anything, including hygiene. That may sound disgusting now, but showers were not really a main priority, because you know that your neighbor stinks just as much as you do. It's a combination of campsite dust, sunblock, and sweat...and then maybe throw in some lingering scent of portapotty and lake water. Delicious.

Seriously though, the entire time I was there, I was hardly thinking (except when B and T brought up interesting topics) and mostly just enjoying every moment. I wasn't thinking about school, or all the things I had to do. I didn't think about people I miss in Irvine and I wasn't meticulously planning out my fall quarter. I wasn't belittling myself for failing to acquire an internship like my friend had, and I wasn't constantly reminding myself to make things happen. I was just be-ing, and it was refreshingly simple and nice.

Even when I'm at home, I plan things constantly. I am a list-maker and I plot out time frames in my mind, which I realize is an exceedingly stressful instinct. I plan when I shower, I plan what I am going to eat, I plan what I will wear, the list goes on. There's just too much to think of. Then there's the added stress of parentals and sibling and the expectations that they bring you. But when we were all camping, there wasn't really much to stress about. Plenty of delicious food, plenty of good company. And that is all I need to keep me content.

Turning off my phone was such a relief as well. I will admit that I am pretty attached to my cellular device here in the real world, and it is something that I both love and hate. I love it because it lets me get in contact with the people I like best, but I hate it because it means I'm always accessible and a text message could throw my pre-planned day wildly off course. Sometimes my phone brings me things that are not best for me. Plus my phone's presence by my side just makes me feel like I'm waiting for something. Expecting a text message or phone call from a friend, when in reality, the phone should be something I glance at once every couple hours instead of however often I actually do toy with it (which is embarrassingly frequent).

I could argue that I just check the time on my phone very often...which is another thing I liked about camping. I never really knew what time it was. We got back to an animalistic stage, I guess you could say. We ate when we were hungry, slept when we were tired, and got up when the sun came out. "What time is it?" we asked each other, bleary eyed, as we stumbled out of our tents. Nobody really knew...and then I realized it was of the least significance. Life became so much more simple and pleasant.

It was pleasant too, to sit and read for hours and hours. I can't remember the last time I really read for pleasure in chunks of time like this. I devoured my book, 200+ pages in about two days, reading on and off whenever I could. Most of the time when I read, I just read pages at a time and then get distracted by something else (namely technology, damn you). It was so nice to just sit, attempt to forget about the sweltering heat and obnoxious bees, and disappear into someone else's fictional life.

Now that I'm back in civilization I've decided to be less attached to these devices that steal simplicity and pleasure away from my life. But it's a tough routine to change, because here I am, listening to Drake on my iPod, typing furiously away on my laptop (with twitter, facebook, gmail, AIM, and my blog open), with my phone not three inches away. And where is the book that was such a great companion to me all weekend? It lies lonely and unfinished in my bedroom, where I dropped it after I got home.

I suppose the trip was just that -- a trip. We can't always escape the negatives of technology and modern life, but it was a nice reminder to me to retreat into simple times whenever I can. It was a weekend well-spent, with much loved friends and fun times I won't forget anytime soon.

Aside from the camaraderie, I already miss the night sky. I miss seeing the Milky Way and the millions of stars, and I miss hoping that I'll look up at exactly the right time and catch a shooting star in it's short-lived trip across the sky. Seeing that huge darkness and all the stars reminds you of how small you are, and it's reassuring in a way.

I guess I just need to bring camping philosophy into my everyday civilian life. Simplify, retreat, have fun, remember your insignificance every once in a while. Wear plenty of sunblock. Oh, and bring band-aids.

the cusp

Thus ends my freshman year at UC Irvine. Although I'm not moved out yet (quite the contrary in fact) everything has winded down. My roommate moved out today at 3; unfortunately, I wasn't around to bid her goodbye. I returned to half a barren room. The other side was as opposite of barren as possible, starting me on this endless task of packing my many many belongings. My freshman year lies forlornly around me, taking up more space than I can afford. Posters, quotes, random bits of memorabilia that my packrat self has decided to stow away. I suppose I feel some sort of success, looking back upon it all. But I think that's mostly because I tried so much, failed so much, and learned so much in turn.

I could go into details about personal growth and all that miscellaneous blabber but that's a more private entry that requires a bit more thought and reflection on my part. I haven't really sat down and thought about how I've changed over the past year, and I don't think it's something that can really be listed anyway. The important thing is I'm taking the lessons with me; hopefully they'll remind me to screw my head on straight.

The fact is, I know I've changed. We've all changed. It's surreal to think that just one year ago we were wearing those bedsheets they call graduation gowns, filled with an exuberance about the "last" summer in Cupertino and the adventures that the fall would bring us. Looking at all the pictures of 2009 graduating and going to prom and SANP is strange. It makes me feel old and irrelevant. And it feels like they're tresspassing on something that I've staked as my own claim; those events should belong to me and 2008. It's hard to realize that everyone has their own memories and everyone makes it what it is for themselves. It's hard to realize how important their graduation is to them, when the 2008 graduation is the only one that bears any significance for me. But of course this is always how it is, you're looking into the fishtank most of the time, and on special occasions you are the fish. Once you're outside the tank again it's weird to look at the fish and think it was you, just moments ago.

Enough with the far-fetched analogy. There are definitely similarities between June 2008 and June 2009. For instance, I am sick. Graduation last year I was feeling feverish, and what resulted was a rather miserable (but memorable nonetheless) SANP, and then a week of recovery. I guess I can't stop myself from going full speed at the end of the year. It's always jam-packed and I'm not good at slowing down and taking care of myself. These "ends" will never happen again, right? Might as well make it memorable and suffer the consequences later. Full speed ahead! (:

I'm worried about coming home though. I don't want to be sick for the one week I have at home, sandwiched between long stays in Irvine. I have so much I want to do in that one week that being bed-ridden would completely KILL me! So I'm stocking up on vitamin C and pounding my body with fluids. And I'm not one to rely on medicine, but I have some Motrin in my bag. Just in case of emergency.

Besides that, I'm really excited for this summer. I know I won't be staying in one place for long, essentially I'm splitting my time between Irvine, Cupertino, and Indonesia. But I've always liked the jet-setting lifestyle and I hope the shortness of my stays will prevent me from becoming lazy and putting off things that I want to do. It does suck that I won't be able to spend more time in NorCal, but there's no fighting it now I guess. This is the first fragmented summer of many to come, I feel. In a way it's good: these short bursts of home keep reminding me of how good it is for me and keep me wanting more. I leave just when I'm really appreciating it, and it draws me back like nothing else.

Home just sounds so good right now. My dorm is empty and I can finally be unabashedly myself: singing Taylor Swift as I pack, being the messy and loud person that I naturally am without infringing on the comfort of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, but we all need our own space. And alone time was so limited this year. It was hard to sit and just BE, to wind down and re-achieve zen. To type a nice long blog and listen to music full blast. This is what home offers to me in my mind: a place where I can be myself without worrying. Sorry guys, I know I'm weird, but I know they've accepted my quirks and I've accepted theirs. This mutual understanding is what makes home that much more precious, no more judgements and the knowledge that they'll be there through thick and thin. The comfortable-as-you-are ambiance is something that Irvine lacks for a large part and is what I miss most.

Finals ended last night at 9pm (just as the Lakers won...) and I spent the night packing, playing tetris, and slowly burning up. I went to bed with a fever and chills, hating myself for having such a sad immune system. I woke up feeling better though, and I went to an Obey warehouse sale and shopped shopped shopped! I'm terrible at saving money, but hey, I deserved this. Today I packed and helped friends move, hung out a little bit and stressed over the swollen-ness of my stupid lymph nodes. (Is that what they are?) Tonight I'm hanging out with pledge sisters and the bros, and having a sleepover in Monique's room hopefully. The last kick! And tomorrow morning my parents are coming to pick me up. Hopefully I'll be completely packed and I can just throw my stuff in the car and BOUNCE!

I am so ecstatic that summer is here! It tastes like sweet tea from chick-fil-a and sounds like the laughter of friends and music on full blast. It smells like chlorine and ocean and Chipotle and frozen yogurt. It looks like a great view from Highway 9, a sunset over the beach, sunny days wherever I am. I can't wait to see my friends, and my family, and to recuperate and not worry about jack squat! ANTICIPATION! I have high hopes for Summer 2009 and I won't let myself down. (: (longboarding, DJing, being tan, getting my hair back to regular color, exercising, cooking, scrapbooking, finding dorm decor, industrial bar piercing?, bonfires, BAKING, beach trips, SF, dance choreos, sleepovers, camping, shopping, making bank, karaoke, bowling, swimming, movie marathons, piano, ice skating, reading, vegetating, eating too much, sitting around doing nothing with people who mean everything (:...etc.)

I'm such a rambler. This blog is way too long. Time to get back to packing!
HOME SOON!!! (:

oh lately it's so quiet

it's perfect timing, really.

My parents+sister came down to visit today; so we spent some green on delicious food & clothing. My tame Saturday ends thus: cleaned my room, wrote, etc. And this, I suppose.

DIRECTIONS:
- Go to Google image search.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture
- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.
- Save the image for use in this note.
- Post and tag all your friends.

QUESTIONS:
1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?



It was entertaining.

I'm on a bus

motherfuckers, take a look at me.

YES! The title is indeed true, because I am blogging to you live from the Vietnamese Bus*. Slash Highway Five. It's a great day out here on the highway for a number of reasons:
1. the sun is shining! (even though I can't feel it and all the shades are drawn..)
2. I just found out this bus has wifi. LEGIT
3. the Jacki Chan movie about the Tuxedo is playing...which is a huge upgrade from Miss Vietnam Global. (Although I do love a good pageant show)
and of course,
4. "I'm On A Boat" has been stuck in my head for the past 3-4 hours, except the remixed version that my head created, "I'm On A Bus"...it's pretty great.
All in all a successful trip thus far. My estimated arrival time in Irvine is probably around 4 or 5, and from there I have a nice lonely evening and perhaps a kickback to attend if plans legitimize. (Is that even a word?)

*For those of you who are interested, I skipped out on the sandwich after finding out that it really is actually ground liver. And no, there is no nail salon. Unfortunate, my nails could use some work.

I just looked out my window....SHIET, MIDDLE CAL! D: Shoot me now. This giant bus is gonna kill so many butterflies and bugs. And there are no nice trees and hills for me to entertain my eyes with. Which leads me to the second list of my blogpost:

Why NorCal is Far Superior (from both SoCal and MidCal, if that even counts as a segment of Cal.)
1. THE AIR. So much more fresh, crisp, clean, more adjectives that remind you of a salad. Honestly, I can see LA from some parts in Irvine and it looks kind of like Mordor. Smog is no fun, kids.
2. Trees. There are a LOT more trees. And it's just a lot more dense and green and lush. Plus we have the REAL trees (ie Redwoods) not the wimpy little trees that I don't know the names of. They're nice too, but Redwoods will always be my favorite.

3. Hills. I never really noticed, but Cupertino is constantly receiving a giant hug from the hills on pretty much all sides. And they are GREEN and fabulous. I just want to run up all of them and sing about how the hills are alive with the sound of music. But then I remind myself that I am not in that great shape and I am also not Julie Andrews, so I will content myself with driving up the hills with my friends (HOLLA highway 9!). NorCal has soo many great lookout spots; perhaps I'm just not well acquainted with Irvine enough to know where the good spots are, but so far the only place I know of is the top floor of the parking structure. WIN.


4. Character. I feel like NorCal is not as manufactured and planned as SoCal. Especially Irvine, which was plotted out specifically and planned meticulously by the Irvine Company. Hooray for having a Utopian style town (bleh) but um...I like towns and cities that grow. I can't really explain it, but just looking around the streets of NorCal you KNOW that there's character and stories and growing. SoCal just feels too materialistic and image-conscious.
5. They say we have nothing, but honestly we have everything. We have the Bay. The beaches, the hills, and everything in between. We have great cities like SF and we have Santa Cruz and scenery and real trees...and we have Tahoe! Although that is kind of a drive.
6. NorCal has tons of Priuses! I saw one that was painted really nicely; it was an ocean scene I think? Then it blended into a rainbow. THE POINT IS we are environment-friendly! Unlike Mordor and those smog producing Orcs. I hardly ever see Priuses in SoCal and when I do it makes me a little happy inside. Haha.
7. The people. This one is kind of a given.


Which leads me to the discussion of a most fabulously-spent holiday. It's hard to believe that a little less than a week ago, Nate, Crystal and I were careening down this same highway, killing bugs without a thought, heading for HOME and friends and happiness. I can honestly say, although this break seems to be ending prematurely, it was very well spent in great company. It just fits, like puzzle pieces nawmean? I guess I didn't truly realize the significance of HOME before this break, I don't know why. I have a lot more to say on this subject but as it is, this blogpost is already quite long and I know that if I got into the details it would be more self-reflective boring-for-you-to-read material. So I will hold off on that and write about random things instead.

The guy sitting catty corner from me was writing in his moleskine earlier. I wanted to pat him on the head, but I held myself back. I'm giving Nate a holla by using his fave phrase, "catty corner." And when I was asking how to spell it, this greatness happened:
N: catty and kitty are also exceptable
C: okay
C: ACCEPTABLE*
C: SHIET SON, YOU JUST GOT CORRECTED
N: shiit
C: I AM GOING TO BLOG ABOUT THIS.

So I did. Also he gave a really weak excuse:
N: I woke up like an hour ago so gimme a break

Hahaha, oh meepkins. Not getting off that easy. This is a victory that I am going to relish forever. CHyeah I just immortalized it into my blogspot. What now.

Last night I had a dream that I was on my way to class and I got a phone call from a mystery number. I picked it up, and it was none other than JASON MRAZ. He was calling to tell me that he wanted me to dance in his music video or something. And do you know what I said???? "Can I call you back later? I'm in class."
I take that as a really good sign for my grades next quarter. You don't just turn down Jason Mraz! I was surprised at my dream-self when I woke up.

Anyway, spring break was The Shit minus some sourness with my parents that I can forget about. I am re-energized for the hardest quarter this year, and I'm ready to work hard and slack off less. Being home reminded me that there are good people in the world and that there are reasons to prove yourself and have ambitions. It was just the breath of fresh air that I needed.

edit// 4pm
In my dorm room! Just added some pics...and this is me at the end of the Vietnamese bus trip:


YAY

when

will I be this happy, content, appreciative again? I'm going to try and make it last forever.


a beautiful magnolia tree -- I like the curve. Do you see it?


I like my daffodils



Neverland, basically.

I feel so blessed, thank you to whatever forces rule this universe 'cause I feel like I am learning so much in such a happy and mind-opening way.

My soundtrack of the moment is almost purely Beatles, Beach Boys, and Simon & Garfunkel. Do I even belong in this era anymore? haha.

irresponsible weekends

are something that I absolutely love.

My weekends always start early because I'm done with class on Thursdays at 2pm. Around 12 hours after that I received a call from Crystal, so I met up with her and her SD friends at Jack in the Box. The following four hours consisted of chatting and eating delicious pho, and then I pretty much crashed in the trunk of Matt's Land Rover and failed at directing them to the UCI exit. So OKAY, I was on my way to SD. Hooray spontaneity.



A fully chill weekend where my mind did not stray to homework; not once, thanks to the eat-sleep-eat more routine. And now I am greeted with quite a pile! Oops! Irresponsible weekends bite you in the ass, I now have an essay to write and 50 pages to read.

I doubt I will be finishing my homework tonight, what with the Grammys (aka terrible performaces by Katy Perry and effing Miley Cyrus, but cutie Paul McCartney so it's all okay) and my EXCITEMENT for the vendor sales coming to UCI tomorrow! I know it will be rainy but I am so, SO thrilled to once again have the mall come to me and I will empty my wallet readily. So sad. But I am applying for jobs, brownie points for me right?

Oh, and I said I would write about He's Just Not That Into You. When honestly, I should be writing about a movie called He's Just Not That Into You...YET!

While the first half of the movie was cynically pleasing and realistically portrayed, the second half completely failed and just adhered to chick-flick standards, causing the packed theatre to drown in "oohs" and "aahs". Pretty much the movie went against what it was trying to say, so it was a little disappointing. Still enjoyable overall though, I just wish it hadn't started off so realistically and ended up so fairytale-like. Sorry kids, reality bites.

So pretty much all I'm waiting for is Lil Wayne on the Grammys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C68ONaIAaw
WHY is he so cute? Hahaha I was laughing so hard. Newfound respect for Weezy F. Baby.

My horoscope tells me to be ready to jump in for adventure and change. This excites me. However, last night I dreamt of a lion dying. Upon referral to my little dream book, I found that a lion symbolized leadership and strength. SO leadership and strength are dying in my life? YEAH cool...haha.

ALSO! I got a twitter! My friend convinced me to get one, so I did. I'm easily persuaded. You guys should get one too, if you want. It confuses me. But yeah it seems cute or stalkery, I still can't decide.

OK I'm out! Peace.

i'm the worst roommate ever

what with my constant sniffling and sneezing, my water boiler being extremely noisy, and my light being...on. And yeah, Sarah is sleeping peacefully while I click-click away on my again, very noisy laptop keyboard. Doing nothing productive and reverting to blogging to keep myself entertained.

This weekend consisted of the usual college revelries...and then some.



So I pretty much love Socal. Sorry, east coasters/norcal-ers, to rub it in your face. Just gives you more reason to visit me! The weather, and cause I miss you. Duh.

Anyway, I'm sick again. I never really got over my first wave of being sick. And then not sleeping and not doing sick-person things will screw you over so here I am being Ms. Sniffles again.

Also I have two midterms this week, so hopefully I will not get so bad that (God forbid) I won't be able to focus on studying. Hahaha.

And weather in the high seventies means that I will be tanning by the pool...hoorah!

snow retreat recap

Long time no blog! So brace yourselves for a recap of epic proportions.

The first week back in general was pretty filled with fun. It was great settling back in and catching up with people again, and I found myself occupying a slightly different niche than the one I had left back in December. Not to say that this is a bad thing, on the contrary, I find that this branching out may actually be better for me, so hoorah for that. The first week was also pretty successful in the academic and health aspects. I actually did my homework for the most part, and what I didn't do was really not my fault. Honestly, if you say it is due on Friday, I would think it'd be due Friday afternoon or something. Not Thursday at 12 AM. Though it is technically Friday already, but whatever, my TA is dumb. At least now I know. Anyway, I was pretty healthy last week too! I went to the gym four days and legitimately worked out and felt pretty damn good. Eating healthier and snacking less, as well. Hopefully this pattern will continue.

This weekend a bunch of people from my hall drove up to Lake Arrowhead for our winter retreat. It was a total of about 25ish people so it was quite comfy and fun for all. We left Friday evening after dinner and arrived at the ginormo and luxurious mansion later that night. It was freaking huge and amazing and we definitely had fun playing sardines and exploring. Bonding activities were fun as usual, and then we all tried to turn in early because the following day would be activity filled and energy was definitely required!

However, this plan failed pretty epically. I went to bed around 12:30, decided it would be a good idea to make win sandwiches with my friends at around 1:00, and then ended up back on my pillow by around 2:30. Oh also, I was sleeping in a room filled with about 10 people and MAN do people breathe loudly! Not only snore because there was plenty of that, but BREATHING! SO LOUDLY, EVERYWHERE! I did not get a wink of sleep and I dragged my grumpy and moody ass out of bed at 5:30 to get ready for a day of snowboarding.

We got to the rather sad little resort around 8 and to our dismay, found out that only two lifts were open due to high winds. One lift was up an almost completely flat span of space, and the other went up a bunny-hill like run with three options for coming down. Also, it was not snowy, it was icy. Hard and cold and...ICE. Yeah. Going into it I was pessimistic about the conditions but I turned out to have a pretty fantastic day on that one hill, minus my moment of eating shit when trying to jump.

Speaking of! The boredom that the existence of one hill created encouraged me and my fellow snowboarding buddies to try some of the easier freestyle terrain. I successfully did a box and a jump, hoorah! I did completely eat shit on my second try at the jump though, I landed straight on my ass and slid a good 15 feet down the icy ramp. My hat and head parted, and it was sadly laying there being red and lonely for a while before my plea for help was finally answered. My butt is sore as a motherbitch, but it was totally worth it. Funnest ever. But yeah, a day of snowboarding for 8 hours will pretty much kill you. I was dead tired.

On the way back I also had a near-death experience. My friend decided to test out the 4-wheel-drive function of his new Land Rover on some steep snow banks and he deemed it an appropriate time. So he tried it, and it was pretty effing scary/badass all at the same time. Our car was tilted SO much I swore I was about to die and the glass would shatter and we would get in so much trouble etc. etc. but Land Rovers are a good deal! We are alive and live to tell this amazing story of adventure and risk. Haha, I didn't have one of those "life flashing before your eyes!" moments but I did worry about getting in trouble for forging my parents signatures for the release of liability for the trip. I definitely pictured myself in a hospital bed all bandaged up with my parents and RA yelling at me. Oh, conscience.

The rest of the night was filled with lounging around, the most amazing shower, a delicious dinner, and then a fat cuddlepuddle in the observatory. Overall a great ending to a great day, but I was feeling kind of sick and very exhausted so I retired early.

We left the cabin this morning at around 11. Maneuvering around the piles of people's crap was definitely hard, I felt like an 80 year old woman with severe arthritis and aches and pains etc. The drive back was really fun, we sang along to old-school songs and played around with the other car of people heading back. It was quite clever and fun.

Irvine welcomed us back with 85 degree weather, so the girls and I deemed it a good idea to sit in the park and simultaneously tan and study. We lugged our textbooks and happy selves to the beautifully sun-drenched Aldrich park and proceeded to lounge around and do very little homework, as expected! It was really fun and we were all having a great time until an epic bee decided it would be fun to terrorize us. So our party was broken up, and we headed back. I did get to climb a tree today, and it made me happy, so hoorah. Parks and picnics and good friends and sunshine make me happy.

Since then I have not really been doing much. Avoiding homework, watching the Golden Globes, looking at/tagging facebook pictures, the usual.

Sorry for a boring recap post, I promise next time I'll be more interesting and tell you about interesting things like failing at ordering food and the indecision that plagues my life. Also about the good happy times that happen, but for now I am too tired and too bored with myself to do anything to spice up this post.

Have a happy week!