Today was marked by the moments in between, sun in my eyes and the grass so green. Sandwiched between the last lost hour of class and a little crushed dream, I watched the cloudless sky and a dark bug zip by and I wondered about life, about love, the hows and whys. When do we just know, how do we know, what do we know? And what do we deserve? And how can we see, from the outside looking in, what is a facade and what's genuine? There's nothing like experience and we can only have our own, so here's to you and yours. I just know, some are meant to love and some are not, it's not a basic human right. It's another acceptance process and we can be sad or happy about it but it all boils down to the only changing factor, which is you. The only thing to change is you. Change your mind, your expectations, and change the world around you. Fast forward past rejection and some errands and I'm in my favorite sandwich shop, gazing at the people passing by and wondering, again, why. I'm alone here, me, but there's no where and no one else I'd rather be. So I'll live slowly and recognize that things just happen, or they don't. But that bug in the sun and this sandwich on my my tongue made my day what it happened to be -- perfect for me, just what I need.
---
Oh, today. So I faced rejection today, but to be honest I'm not too disappointed. Congratulations SPOP 2010!
To be honest I didn't really expect to get it; I guess in my heart of hearts I knew I wouldn't because I felt that I had taken my share from what I applied for. I got Alternative Spring Break, discussion leader, and Campus Rep. And I'm thrilled about all three, and so excited to be a part of all three. I guess I wanted SPOP to be the cherry on top of my sundae but I can't have it all. Plus I don't really like cherries, anyway.
Like T said, it gives other people an opportunity to grow. My growth is gonna happen in Campus Rep and everything else and I'm so thrilled to be granted those opportunities, so I shan't be greedy. There's always next year and if it wasn't meant to happen this year then it just wasn't.
Not to say I wasn't disappointed, because I was, of course. But at the same time I feel selfish being disappointed because I'm so lucky to have what I have.
Anyway, this was not meant to be a post about how I feel about not getting SPOP.
Today was overall a good day. I think I'm lost in this cloud of apathy just because I've been so sleep-deprived and stressed lately. But from this cloud I managed to pull out a few strands of good moments. I sat in the park for a while and contemplated life and love with M, wandered about campus finding good company, had a spring break meeting, then went grocery shopping (such a luxury) and ate a sandwich at Le Dip by myself. I really liked eating alone, it was just what I needed after a mess of a week.
And. I'm in the works to switch schools in the spring. Pretty sure I'm going to be majoring in Anthropology, HOLLER! I'm happy with this. I'm not enough of a go-getter to succeed at journalism, and though I love writing, I don't think I'm the right personality type to major in it. I could see myself hating it as time wore on with forced assignments and everything. I like the relationship I have with writing now, and I think it's something I can cultivate without the stress of majoring in it. Also I get to let go of French which is a GREAT relief.
I feel in-between in everything. Waiting for the winter to end and on the brink of the spring. Newly initiated, not fully active. Leaving Humanities and entering Social Sciences. Just caught in-between. The awkward lull of anticipation and wondering what it'll be like when I experience it. All I can do is wait. Wait and respect the process and appreciate that everything happens and everything is perfect just the way it is.
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
3.12.2010
3.01.2010
march alreadyyy?
It scares me when I think about how harshly people can judge each other. Sometimes I meet someone and imagine all the criticism they could throw my way, and I don't know why I think like this. I guess lately I've just found out that not everyone is as "nice" as I idealize them to be in my head, so when I meet some strangers I get a little intimidated.
Honestly, there's so much emphasis on being good-looking here that I hardly even know what it looks like anymore. Everyone is so under the microscope at all times that it's hard to find "beauty" in the unique and natural. Everything can get so cookie-cutter.
I went to my formal last Friday and looking at pictures, I get a little weirded out. I think I look too done up. Big curly hair and fake eyelashes and all this business...I think I like my hair straight and less makeup. I look like a doll. It makes me a little uncomfortable. Some people look like this every day, I don't know how they do it! I look at those pictures and I'm a little confused at who that girl is.
Also, I need to stop being such a people pleaser. I thought about this for a while and I realized that I tend to just go with the flow and do whatever everyone else wants to do. I mean, in certain situations. When it comes to being friends with people I'm pretty easy, I would say, and not very quick to judge. It's kind of a pet peeve of mine when friends interrupt my slow get-to-know process by presenting their ideas of a person to me.
I don't know. When it comes to judgments, I really wish American society had more of a Kahluli perspective on things. Learned about this in Anthro a couple weeks back. Basically the Kahluli mindset is that you can't make assumptions about people, because you just don't know their story. How did they end up with this ideology? And how did "we" end up with ours?
I just registered for classes this morning and it was pretty breezy! I'm taking French (bane of my existence), a lit journ class, an anthro class (with my fave professor) and a discussion that will teach me to be the best discussion leader for the freshmen next Fall. EXCITING. (: It looks like it will be a fun quarter and I left myself enough time to really excel in school, make some moneys, and grow in different directions. Hopefully I'll find myself more involved and invested in the things I've joined, as well.
That's about it...Olympics are over. ): Watching figure skating was simultaneously a slap in the face and the most uplifting experience in a while. I miss you. And I wish Mirai got third. Oh well, 2014 awaits!
Honestly, there's so much emphasis on being good-looking here that I hardly even know what it looks like anymore. Everyone is so under the microscope at all times that it's hard to find "beauty" in the unique and natural. Everything can get so cookie-cutter.
I went to my formal last Friday and looking at pictures, I get a little weirded out. I think I look too done up. Big curly hair and fake eyelashes and all this business...I think I like my hair straight and less makeup. I look like a doll. It makes me a little uncomfortable. Some people look like this every day, I don't know how they do it! I look at those pictures and I'm a little confused at who that girl is.
Also, I need to stop being such a people pleaser. I thought about this for a while and I realized that I tend to just go with the flow and do whatever everyone else wants to do. I mean, in certain situations. When it comes to being friends with people I'm pretty easy, I would say, and not very quick to judge. It's kind of a pet peeve of mine when friends interrupt my slow get-to-know process by presenting their ideas of a person to me.
I don't know. When it comes to judgments, I really wish American society had more of a Kahluli perspective on things. Learned about this in Anthro a couple weeks back. Basically the Kahluli mindset is that you can't make assumptions about people, because you just don't know their story. How did they end up with this ideology? And how did "we" end up with ours?
I just registered for classes this morning and it was pretty breezy! I'm taking French (bane of my existence), a lit journ class, an anthro class (with my fave professor) and a discussion that will teach me to be the best discussion leader for the freshmen next Fall. EXCITING. (: It looks like it will be a fun quarter and I left myself enough time to really excel in school, make some moneys, and grow in different directions. Hopefully I'll find myself more involved and invested in the things I've joined, as well.
That's about it...Olympics are over. ): Watching figure skating was simultaneously a slap in the face and the most uplifting experience in a while. I miss you. And I wish Mirai got third. Oh well, 2014 awaits!
2.06.2010
interviews & results
So the week is finally over! And I left my fourth and final interview in a hurry, not because of the rain, not even because of the wet socks (okay maybe a little bit because of the wet socks) but MOSTLY because I wanted to blog about how awkward interviews are!
Okay, maybe it’s not that they’re AWKWARD. They’re just unnatural. And isn’t that a little bit awkward? I tend to leave interviews in a little bit of a flurry of emotion. On the one hand, I like being asked questions about myself because I do tend to self-reflect a lot, and it’s fun to communicate innermost thoughts and workings of my mind to someone who is basically a complete stranger. Once long ago I’d try to shape my words into something more pleasant to their ears but now, I’ve become more comfortable with sharing my thoughts AS my thoughts. Make sense? Just being myself more, not trying so damn hard all the time.
On the other hand, though, I also leave interviews quite frustrated. Looking back I say, oh, I could have said something else here. Or elaborated on this point. Etc. There’s no point in lingering but what DOES bother me is the whole set up of an interview. Question and answer.
In Anthro we learned about a form of communication that is called initiation/response/evaluation, which is basically ask a question, get an answer, and then proceed from there. In conversation, the evaluation segment would be elaboration on that topic and divulging anecdotes and such. However in the interview setting evaluation is literally just that — evaluation on paper, filling in little boxes, taking note of what you just said. Uncomfortable? A little.
Anyhow, interviews aren’t meant to be conversations. They’re called interviews for a reason I guess, viewing between several people? But generally it’s NOT “between”, it’s more “directed at” someone…which is something I am not a fan of. Here I am, but where are you? Questions and answers on one way streets with almost no switchover.
I digress. What frustrates me is…well, just how am I supposed to share all the knowledge and experiences I’ve acquired in the 18+ years that I’ve been living and breathing and learning? Pack it into a well-worded short verbal paragraph and hurl it onto that piece of paper, being written on by entirely foreign fingers. How can I share the experiences that have molded me into the person that I am, the changes I’ve undergone and every step into the reason why I am how I am, and how can I form this into a statement that ultimately answers WHY I am qualified for this position? How can I get them to KNOW me and understand what I’m passionate about, and what I think about, and all this stuff? Interviews are merely an introduction but I’d rather get them to skip to the middle of this story.
Tough cookies! Going into the interview I was nervous because I knew it was something that I really wanted. In the interview I was less nervous because that’s usually how it is. Anticipation brings nerves but when you’re finally not sitting around doing nothing about it, it’s not half bad.
Before, I sat at the pub with friends and got myself into interview mode. I guess I had the jitters but I got some good laughs and it was a nice comfortable crowd to send me away into the waiting arms of the interview. Anyway I said before I left, “I am just the same as everyone else.”
Someone said, don’t think that way. But I can’t see why not. This way we’re all on equal ground. There’s no hierarchy. After the interview, sure we’ll be “ranked” differently, but right now we’ve all got the same thing. Names on paper, and we’re all just as interesting and involved and engaging as the next person. I am just the same as everyone else because we are all human and we have all been experiencing life and taking from it and applying it to ourselves. The only way we differ is how we’ve rebounded from the jabs that life throws us. Essentially though, we are all the same. We’re just people.
I can see how it can be taken negatively but I said it with no sense of self-pity or self-consciousness. I take that statement as a reminder that we’re all going through experiences and changing on a day to day. I take that as a reminder that when you take away these false labels and intricate cover-ups we’re all built the same.
Someone I interviewed last week said something along those lines…he said he was just like everyone else, so it wasn’t a big deal. I think it’s when we start drawing lines and saying oh I’m more qualified, or oh I’m more popular, or I’m smarter…that’s when we trip ourselves up and stop being ourselves. It raises the stakes and turns it into a competition, when it’s really not. Just do your thing and be happy doing it! Real talk! When you’re just like everyone else it’s easier to not be like everyone else and be more you. If that makes any sense at all. Which it doesn’t, but it does to me. I’ll think about this more I guess.
ANYWAY, the week is over and I am off to celebrate this gray Friday in a yellow car because screw you raindrops, you shall not dampen my mood! (: Lately I’ve been riding a wave of good humor or contentment…so I’m going to go buy something pretty to seal the deal. Busy weekend ahead!
IN OTHER NEWS....I finally heard back from Alternative Spring Break and I am SUPER excited to be a participant at the San Bernardino National Forest this coming break!!!!! AAAAH!!!! (:
1.27.2010
my hands smell like oranges
And oranges smell like Vitamin C.
Vitamin C, in turn, smells like "uh oh, Chery's getting sick."
Sitting in the VDC undergraduate lounge yet again, sitting on my foot, thinking about the foods I eat and how I could write a twenty-five minute long paper about this, in French, in 13 hours.
Me: I just want to blog.
J: You would.
So I finished my orange and blogged. I want to blog and I have been wanting to. therefore I need to, in a way. Before these words get backed up and I have to call a plumber, or before they shoot out of my fingertips like bullets from a loaded gun.
I recently found out that I'm not the only person in this wide universe who uses the "drafts" function in their cellular to keep track of running thoughts and creative strings of words. In his case he wrote a couple of stanzas of spoken word poetry, in my case I listed things I want(ed) to blog about. He read me his poem and I wondered if I could do this, like he said, just a thought. But I don't have time right now, what I have time for is to attend to the list on draft #35 of my cellular phone.
Right now though, my thoughts circle around Alternative Spring Break. It's a program that sends you to a particular destination, and so, instead of going home for spring break, you are sent there under a specific topic headline and you are given the task of learning more about that topic and giving back to your community in some way. The destination I seek is the San Bernardino National Forest, my topic headline being 'Giving Back to the National Forests.'
Hello, National Forests. I would like to be more near you.
My interview was this morning; I showed up early though my sinuses were clogged and I can only imagine that I sounded like some over-exaggerated germ-infested cartoon character. But I did my best. I talked with them, told them about myself (which I am remarkably terrible at doing), discussed what I consider my greatest achievement, all the usual interview questions. I'm not great at interviews. I know this.
After the formal interview was over, we talked about the different programs. The intern organizing the National Forests project was present and we discussed camping and being outdoors. It brought me back to all those hiking trips back in the day, with Girl Scouts or with my family or friends. And Marin Headlands in elementary school, Yosemite in 8th grade, even the camping trip I went on just last summer. The 2nd place Nature Award I got at Camporee...the late nights rubbing your toes together inside three pairs of socks because they still feel like ice. Building fires from scratch, trekking through switchback after switchback til we reach that glorious view, finding banana slugs to kiss. Grilling chicken and staring at our dust-decorated sneakers, everyone focusing in on one another and forgetting that such a thing called "wifi" and "Verizon Wireless" even exist. It's a whole nother planet.
Then it hit me just how much I want this experience. The intern said that one of her fears was how well everyone would get along, thirteen complete strangers in the wilderness, in unfamiliar conditions? It could be a recipe for disaster.
My mind flew to Grey's Anatomy and Meredith saying, "Pick me. Choose me. Love me."
And I thought, when she expressed those fears, how I could quell them. I feel like I could do this. This isn't another answer to the "why are you a great candidate" question, but then again, maybe it is.
I want this. Strangers sound so appealing. One week of ultimate bonding sounds so appealing. One week of being outdoors, of being far away, of giving back, sounds like the ultimate retreat for me, the best vacation possible.
I want this, badly. And the second that I realized just how much I wanted it, another emotion squeezed a spot open next to that desire. And that emotion was fear. Tangible fear that stepped on the toes of my plump desire and said "scoot over, exist less, so if you don't get this, your heart won't break."
I find out next Friday. Thankfully life is busy enough that I won't spend every waking minute thinking about how great of an opportunity this could be.
1.22.2010
locked inside that house
So for such a short week of school, it dragged on for what felt like an eternity! Maybe it was the crazy weather, I'm pretty sure I've done enough bitching about wet socks to last...another eternity.
GOAL: get over 24 hours of sleep this weekend. Hahahah...pretty do-able, I'd say. Also get everything else done. Yeah. Ta-ta!
Irvine got exciting for a while, what with all these strong winds and downpours and thunder and lightning shows! Then yesterday some guy was strolling around the Student Center buck naked and got arrested apparently. WILD TIMES.
Anyway, I kind of hope the rain continues this weekend, just so I can feel justified when I sit on the couch for hours on end watching movies and Sex & the City and ICE SKATING!!! Plus it'll be nice to just sit indoors and KNOW you won't have to go out and brave the wilderness to go to class. So my 2010 goal was to not ditch class and this week I ditched 2 because I was not devoted enough to get drenched for my classes. I know, I knowww... education>weather. Also I fell asleep in my anthro class with my cute/funny professor and I am SO, SO sad, so I have resolved to get more sleep, and thus fall asleep in his class never ever again.
Another nice thing, I think, will be to be relatively alone this weekend. I tumblr-ed about this earlier this week I think but I do really enjoy my ME TIME! And I think I over-socialized myself without getting some stuff done that I really need to do, ie clean my room, because I seriously have about four square feet of open floor space at the moment. Grand, I know. So yeah, time to dig away into my little hidey-hole.
PLUS, I bought this Thai sauce from Trader Joe's that I am dying to try out. OOH. I should probably go defrost some chicken breasts right nowww. MMMM 6:
I feel like an elitist sometimes...or just supremely detached. Someone said TFC? I hope to GOD I don't come off as that but, as someone else said, usually I'm just caught up in my own world with relatively little regard for the rest of the goings-on of the world. Isn't everyone like that though? I don't know how to further explain this. This blog was unsubstantial BUT I shall leave with this one realization: it's always what you make of it, and nobody will ever understand your full truth. But what gives? Don't worry your pretty little head.
GOAL: get over 24 hours of sleep this weekend. Hahahah...pretty do-able, I'd say. Also get everything else done. Yeah. Ta-ta!
1.19.2010
death by post-script
"Can you see me after class?"
But at the end of the class I sucked it up and talked to her and it was NO BIGGIE at ALL. She just wanted me to specify some more dates, next time...
Six simple words, an easy request. But sitting in my Lit Journ class, reading those words on the bottom of the last assignment I handed in...those words were six jabs at my morale and any ego I possess in that class.
I legitimately thought I was going to die. My blood vessels were constricting and I felt deprived of oxygen. My head started hurting and I almost wanted to hurl on the girl in front of me.
My mind started working furiously. What could be wrong with it? Maybe I should just tell her this isn't my scene. I'll get her to sympathize with me and say that I'm still trying to get my floaties on before I swim in the big girl pool. Or I'll just switch majors completely. I mean, I love Anthropology. My counselor takes drop-in sessions right? I'll just switch majors. My Anthro prof spent time abroad in Sweden and Micronesia and that is WAY, WAY cooler than being some damn journalist. I'm not cut out for this and I know it! Don't kid yourself girl!
For one and a half hours I dramatically imagined the end of my little stint in litjourn and the process of switching over to anthro, which is, what seems to me, a much more do-able major.
But at the end of the class I sucked it up and talked to her and it was NO BIGGIE at ALL. She just wanted me to specify some more dates, next time...
"Sorry for the ominous-sounding note!"
"Oh no, haha..not at all..."
It's not like I killed myself over the anticipation of it. It's not like I thought that my skin would be hanging from your wall as evidence of another LJ student who would not cut it.
HEAVE SIGH.
After getting my sense of self back together and figuratively slapping myself in the face I have decided that yes, I am still sticking with LJ, though I DO need to learn to grow up and stop being such a little bitch.
I'm not as critical and over-analytical as some people are, I'm not as quick to judgment and I'm not as opinionated. I'm more rose-colored glasses when it comes to certain things and I'm more accepting of human accounts of events and humans in general. Does this mean I won't succeed?
And does the fact that I randomly find stringing words together enjoyable mean that I'm cut out for literary journalism?
No to both, I guess...well that's what I hope, all we can do is sit around and wait I guess.
What DID boost my faith was my English teacher emailed and asked to use my essay draft as an example for the rest of the class, cause it was "excellent". YEAH, WHAT UP.
Anyway. I realize the reason why I overreacted so crazily was because it's important to me. Somehow. Somehow it matters to me whether or not I can be good at this. Weird, huh?
1.12.2010
decisions, decisions
So I think Australia is not going to work out after all.
After all this stress and thought that I put into it, maybe I'm a little thankful to be releasing it? I mean now is not a good time for me to be thinking about much other than the present, because the present is pretty much a giant, tentacled sea monster wrapping itself around me and pulling me into the depths of the ocean. It's just so much more work and research and meetings and questions to answer that I don't want to deal with anymore. Is it really worth it?
Maybe I won't know and maybe I'm missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime (I probably am) but at the moment I'm so, so willing to let it go and focus on the classes that I have right now that I am getting behind on. Seriously thinking about study abroad is so taxing...and I was a little surprised to find that I was relieved to find myself a concrete reason to not do it.
The thing is, if I major in Lit Journ, there are a number of courses that I have to take in a specific order, because they are prerequisites for other required classes. And some of these are only offered once per year so it's already a pretty tightly planned schedule. And since I've only started taking LJ classes this quarter, I would consider myself a little bit late. Going abroad for one quarter would probably push my graduation date further and this isn't something I'm willing to do. Though I'm not 100 percent sure that I'd have to graduate later, I'd rather have a less hectic college experience and be on campus and follow the schedule without having to worry about courses transferring over and stuff like that.
And yes, this is pretty much a post convincing myself that study abroad is not a good option for me. I mean, I've had these wishy-washy thoughts before, but I guess they were always pansy enough for me to quash them and continue researching, telling myself I'm doing myself a huge favor.
It's too much money, too much hassle, too much to think about, etc...Right now I will say that having study abroad off my plate frees up my to-do list quite a bit and gives me time to consider other opportunities that were all banking on study abroad. Maybe I'll regret this after I graduate but HEY, five-year-later-self if you are reading this, YOU ARE STRESSED RIGHT NOW, and seriously don't have the time to do this and you are panicking! Do your best on campus at UCI! Work a lot, save BANK, graduate early, and then go to Australia to frolic however you please!!! And then go to Italy and France too, and Egypt! And all those places you researched when you thought you were going to do study abroad! SERIOUSLY!!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!!
I guess I do a good job of convincing myself. And though it is with a heavy heart that I put away my Australia pamphlets, I guess I know it's for the best. I'm not strong enough to fight through all these obstacles right now, I hardly have the state of mind to conjugate simple French verbs as it is.
Heave sigh. Onward, ho. This is just the week of getting over things and over things and over things. Somehow, still, I have SO much to think about and do. EFF. And I do realize it was an opportunity to escape -- but what did I expect? That school in Australia would be way more chill than school here? Think again. I need to stop trying to run from the fact that I need to put in work to succeed, no matter how much I dislike it or the environment or whatever. I just need to learn how to suck it up. GOD. I'm such a wimp.
I guess that's the thing with decisions -- I thought it was all about making positive decisions, like YES I'm going to do this, but now I also understand that you have to make decisions to opt out, to know when to say NAY. Oh, bugger. Crikey. But I will end on a cliche -- one door closes and others open! That's how I feel.
After all this stress and thought that I put into it, maybe I'm a little thankful to be releasing it? I mean now is not a good time for me to be thinking about much other than the present, because the present is pretty much a giant, tentacled sea monster wrapping itself around me and pulling me into the depths of the ocean. It's just so much more work and research and meetings and questions to answer that I don't want to deal with anymore. Is it really worth it?
Maybe I won't know and maybe I'm missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime (I probably am) but at the moment I'm so, so willing to let it go and focus on the classes that I have right now that I am getting behind on. Seriously thinking about study abroad is so taxing...and I was a little surprised to find that I was relieved to find myself a concrete reason to not do it.
The thing is, if I major in Lit Journ, there are a number of courses that I have to take in a specific order, because they are prerequisites for other required classes. And some of these are only offered once per year so it's already a pretty tightly planned schedule. And since I've only started taking LJ classes this quarter, I would consider myself a little bit late. Going abroad for one quarter would probably push my graduation date further and this isn't something I'm willing to do. Though I'm not 100 percent sure that I'd have to graduate later, I'd rather have a less hectic college experience and be on campus and follow the schedule without having to worry about courses transferring over and stuff like that.
And yes, this is pretty much a post convincing myself that study abroad is not a good option for me. I mean, I've had these wishy-washy thoughts before, but I guess they were always pansy enough for me to quash them and continue researching, telling myself I'm doing myself a huge favor.
It's too much money, too much hassle, too much to think about, etc...Right now I will say that having study abroad off my plate frees up my to-do list quite a bit and gives me time to consider other opportunities that were all banking on study abroad. Maybe I'll regret this after I graduate but HEY, five-year-later-self if you are reading this, YOU ARE STRESSED RIGHT NOW, and seriously don't have the time to do this and you are panicking! Do your best on campus at UCI! Work a lot, save BANK, graduate early, and then go to Australia to frolic however you please!!! And then go to Italy and France too, and Egypt! And all those places you researched when you thought you were going to do study abroad! SERIOUSLY!!! NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!!
I guess I do a good job of convincing myself. And though it is with a heavy heart that I put away my Australia pamphlets, I guess I know it's for the best. I'm not strong enough to fight through all these obstacles right now, I hardly have the state of mind to conjugate simple French verbs as it is.
Heave sigh. Onward, ho. This is just the week of getting over things and over things and over things. Somehow, still, I have SO much to think about and do. EFF. And I do realize it was an opportunity to escape -- but what did I expect? That school in Australia would be way more chill than school here? Think again. I need to stop trying to run from the fact that I need to put in work to succeed, no matter how much I dislike it or the environment or whatever. I just need to learn how to suck it up. GOD. I'm such a wimp.
I guess that's the thing with decisions -- I thought it was all about making positive decisions, like YES I'm going to do this, but now I also understand that you have to make decisions to opt out, to know when to say NAY. Oh, bugger. Crikey. But I will end on a cliche -- one door closes and others open! That's how I feel.
1.06.2010
crazy, cont.
First off let me state that all technology hates me, for an unknown reason, because all I have ever done is shamelessly love and worship all things techy. Like my laptop for instance. I think the little crumb that was lodged under my 2 key has now migrated to underneath my d; thankfully it works if I press it really hard at just the right angle. THANKFULLY.
Also I just had a half-hour struggle with my laptop not starting when I plug my ethernet in, and the wifi failing in general, and then my laptop did this crazy restore type thing, and it SHOULD have fixed everything, but obviously not, because this KEEPS ON HAPPENING TO ME and I have NO IDEA WHY! Do I have bad tech-karma? I'll treat you better laptop, I promise, just be perfect for me right now, that's all I really ask.
This is a very inconvenient time for my laptop to start malfunctioning because as it stands, I am pretty majorly swamped. Yes it is 12:30 AM and I am blogging to find an outlet for all the stress that I am swimming in right now (yes, Nate, this might be a good time for a massage), when REALLY I should be being productive and reading my Aristotle (too bad it said it's gonna take ONE DAY TO LOAD....) OR even, if I'm a regular person with teachers and technology that are nice and functional, I should be out killing my liver -- people are college-style binge drinking, and I am just college-style pulling my hair out. EVEN THOUGH IT'S WEEK ONE. Usually week one translates into the last week of break.
Not this quarter. This quarter, we are hitting the ground running. No, not running. Sprinting. I am not good at any sort of athletic activity, actual physical activity or metaphorical or otherwise. So this might not be good.
Today was my first Lit Jrn class. It is safe to say that I will be learning a lot, whether I will be learning in tears or with steady drive, only the coming weeks will tell. My teacher is immediately someone I have massive respect for, she's written for a million different things and is very articulate, passionate, and REAL about the course as well as the whole writing industry. Kind of a scary genius. Though yes, it is a little disheartening to be told from day one that this industry is dying and you will probably not succeed, and that your work will be massively critiqued and you will end up failing at one point or another...and just other great, shiny little tidbits like that. Yay realism. No more "GOOD JOB!" stickers, not in this class.
Though I do respect this realistic attitude it was, I guess, kind of a shock. This is the first serious journalism class I've ever taken, but this is obviously not the case for my classmates. Sitting next to them I feel extremely average. They photograph, they started their high school paper, they intern for radical left-wing groups. They know all the cool underground indie bands, they worked in PR with all zee fashionistas, they are applying to law school. They are passionate, focused, articulate, and opinionated. And me? Uh...I should really start reading the news...
We had to do little introductions, the regular, yadayada, and everyone was talking about all their journalism experience and internships and where they want to be in the future and stuff like that.
My turn came and my heart started thumping furiously. WHY IS THAT? I am talking about me, a subject that I have steadily been observing for 18, almost 19, years. I am quite the authority on the subject of me, and yet when I talk about myself, I completely blank and forget my own damn name. I said something about how writing was mostly my hobby ever since I was little and I love it, this is my first lit journ class, I have a blog (NO BIGGIE, SRSLY), um....I had like a thousand xangas in middle school, so YEAH trying to see if this can be a career! My classmates chuckled at the xanga statement so yay, at least I'm not completely socially awkward. Or maybe they laughed out of pity. Who knows, you can never tell with these insane genius writer-gods.
After this 'writing is a hobby want to make it my career' little schpeel my teacher inserted a little fact about how writing should probably still be a hobby cause it's really hard to make a career out of it, etc. OKAY then, peace out, time to major in engineering or biology or something that will actually provide a roof over my head that is not made out of dismantled FedEx boxes and old Campbell soup cans.
Anyway, looking back it wasn't SO bad but maybe the passage of time softens the wounds inflicted by day one of lit journ. I do admire my teacher a lot, and hopefully I will get up the courage to go to office hours and be less intimidated by her/the course in general. She gave us some advice, telling us not to get discouraged (might be too late), and that "intellect without discipline is boring." I quite agree though I must say I think I am lacking in the discipline arena...yep, 12:45 AM, sitting in my rainbow undies listening to Katy Perry, DEF have not read Aristotle yet. Success? I think so.
Thankfully the other class I had today was totally uplifting. Meet my new professor and LOVE OF MY LIFE! He's HILARIOUS. AND SO SMART!! And he dresses really nicely. And SO FUNNY. Did I mention? So, so funny.
The class is Linguistics/Anthropology and I am so ready to dive into this subject matter and go to every single office hours session he holds so I can just listen to him talk and laugh at all his jokes....SIIIIIGH.
The first rule of this class is "be excellent to each other." Yes. He says things like this. He is from Boston and told us to be prepared to hear him talk about Boston (and "draring" and inserting random r's everywhere) at least four times per lecture. Sure enough I heard quite a bit about Boston just from today, but also SWEDEN where he studied furniture designers and the gestures they make! "I'm downplaying it right now cause it's my job...but it's pretty awesome." He also mentioned Avatar...and said things like "bad shits going down" and "um, uh, ah, we, well...expect this level of scholarship from me" and just other great, self-deprecating things like that. Am I gushing? I'm gushing. He also talked about this man-purse and how it's a symbol of great masculinity on this island in Micronesia where he did some research and it was just a giant lol-fest. I can't even explain. I am terribly, terribly excited. He is one of those extremely smart, energetic, and ENGAGING professors, which I absolutely love. I think I've only had one other prof like this.
I only wish I had that class more often, to de-stress me from the crazy that is my life. Two times a week is not enough Keith Murphy for me. Not enough time to distract me from the pile-up of reading and writing and interviewing, and other meetings, and oh you forgot this meeting, and hey wanna hang out? NO CAN'T, GOTTA FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET TO AUSTRALIA. Dammit.
I am seriously very, very stressed right now, I do not know what to do. Step by step, perhaps? Blog less, homework more? MMMM somehow this sounds very unappealing...
Sigh. At the end of this day I just feel like I am extraordinarly average without one interesting bone in my body. Hello self, stop thinking you are interesting and smart and good at writing. You are not. You are a baby with SO much to learn about the world. Heave a giant sigh and shoulder this burden. Tomorrow I will wake up and know that this is not exactly the case but for right now...someone just hug me. And be my personal assistant this quarter, please. And maybe give me $15,000, that would be nice.
1.04.2010
hello awkward life
Do you ever have one of those days when things are just OVERWHELMING? And these are like regular random things, like seeing people. Being near humans. Being near large quantities of regular, living human.
Today was all over the place. Yeah, coming back to school after a three-week lapse is bound to be a little strange, but I highly doubt that what I experienced today could be considered normal.
Let's start with French class. First off can I just say that three weeks, though it is apparently not enough time to forget about some things, seems to be JUST enough time to forget about 10 weeks worth of the French language. I stood there getting really nervous and awkwardly perspiring with my confused face on (this is not cute) as she blabbered on in French. I felt like I SHOULD have known what she was saying, and okay I really should have known what she was saying, but I just sat there listening and randomly caught her saying things like "today" and "you ask" and great things like that. Luckily for me my skills at piecing together sentences were...also not intact. Fail.
Lunch was a nice catch up session with J. After almost (unintentionally) stealing our pizzas, we caught up and talked about study abroad, winter break, tattoos, random people, etc. SO overall quite a success minus the three people who passed by and STARED at me, it was SO WEIRD. DID I HAVE PIZZA ON MY FACE? DID A BIRD POOP ON MY HAIR? I am not some exhibition creature guys, girls eat pizza too okay?! I thought this was like a known fact but APPARENTLY NOT.
Then I went to English. Here finally I was out-awkwarded by my TA who seemed to be a little overwhelmed at teaching this class of thirty students. Really, I would not be worried. I mean, one guy came in wearing crocs. I'm sorry, I would not be intimidated of this.
Okay I'm just kidding. Footwear really does not tell you anything about how smart someone is (he's probably a genius who doesn't have enough time to match regular-people shoes to his outfit because he's busy tying guns to trees with Al Gore in the fight against global warming -- SNL anyone??!!?).
Anyway. She was semi-nervous which made me feel a LITTLE better, cause my heart rate was up and my palms were sweaty (knees weak, arms are heavy) from running around a completely undiscovered area of campus trying to find my damn English class. REALLY, who schedules English classes in the Computer Science building? COME ON PEOPLE.
Afterwards I met up with Monique and my crazy found an outlet. Awkwardly ran into people and just pretended to NOT, kept laughing at things that were not funny in order to pretend that I actually have a life and/or sense of humor as I passed said awkward persons. Also I learned a new yoga pose (?) that is kind of like the fetal position, face down on the floor. It was fun, I like to think it helped me zen out after my crazy but then again, I'm not so sure. Monique says it helps cause your center of gravity is very close to the ground or your core or SOMETHING, I wasn't really listening, I was making puppy/dinosaur noises and thinking about taping my fingers together to see how it would feel to be a T-rex. Do I have ADD?
Open windows are also great, I've decided.
example one:
S and I are sitting in a car and two guys walk buy. Guy one does a double take.
S: HE TOTALLY DID A DOUBLE TAKE
C: IT'S CAUSE I'M HAAAAWT
S: YOU KNOW IT GIRL
C: EW LOOOK HE JUST SPIT WHAT A NASTYYYY
S: shit the window's open.
Yeah I'm pretty sure he heard us, and yes we do speak in Caps Lock in regular life.
example two:
M and I are driving by the bus stop and we see D there.
C: D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
car screeches to a stop.
M: D!!!!! D! D! D!!!!!!!!!!!
D waves.
car speeds off
We are non-awkward, I love it.
Open windows are great.
And today I went to Target and I did NOT buy chocolate! OR really cute wall hangings! OR makeup! Except I did buy makeup.
Anyway, I closed off the crazy day by eating leftover Thai food and blasting the greatest hits of pop music whilst singing obnoxiously loud with my lovely roommate. We also made THE MOST DELICIOUS GUACAMOLE EVER, seriously this guaco was ahhh-mazing. And we watched Sex & The City. All in all a rather uneventfully eventful day, if you catch my drift.
And yeah I decided that I need a little time before I can be integrated back into college society. Today, I was just really off my rocker. It was so weird. Funny, but weird.
It just felt weird to be back. Weird to be another face in the crowd that nobody really gives a hoot about. Maybe that was why I was so weird today, it was some sort of sad effort at separating myself from the masses. Well it definitely worked, I'm pretty sure the amount of people who think I am probably crazy has doubled since I set foot on campus at 10:30 this morning. All in a day's work.
Monique summed it up pretty well -- I was just overwhelmed. By people, "feelings", study abroad, the mystery of my missing check, housing, people I don't like, classes I am waitlisted for, being a failure at French, my ethernet not working, oh crap I need to turn in my rent. EVERYTHING. This must be how babies feel when they are birthed into this strange world of adult-sized people saying things that they don't understand and living lives that they don't understand. I'm a fetus guys.
It was also weird that I saw pretty much EVERYONE today. Everyone being, people I wasn't aware that I would run into. Yeah there are lots of people here to run into. I don't know, just imagine every single emotion you have EVER felt, and then imagine feeling them ALL at the same time, and then you pretty much have my day. Wild huh?
Oh and the greatest tidbit maybe. I ran to the bus just as the doors closed and screeched (seriously screeched, you know I make weird noises): NOOOooOooOOOO!
The driver opened it and said, "well, that works." So, semi-embarrassed, I thumped up the stairs and saw someone really familiar looking sitting in the first seat. "Hey!" he said. "HEYYYY," I said, smiling, and then proceeded to the back of the bus. It wasn't till I plopped myself down that I realized it was STEAK BOYYYY. HAHAHA I guess sometimes people who take you on nine hour dates don't really leave a lasting impression? What is WRONG with me.
Anywho. Hopefully life will settle down a little bit in the coming days, I'd like to not feel so alien and strange all the time. Or maybe I'll just stay this hyper and crazy, it's fun for everyone. If you think about it there are only 50 days this quarter, cause 10 weeks times 5 days of class is 50, and then subtract today and some random day we have off and it's 48 days!!! Isn't that uplifting!?!? 48 more days of awkward life!!! I'm excited!!!
12.03.2009
ebert & roeper style
Two thumbs up to magazine arrivals in the mail. Taylor on the cover of InStyle, Blake on the cover of Nylon, and SJP (iffffy, but okay) on the cover of Elle? I am QUITE satisfied.
One thumb up to mushroom/spinach/cheese quesadillas. My vegetarianism continues successfully......but yes I am feenin for an in-n-out burger or some kbbq. SIGH.
Two thumbs up to the strengthening of the Nexxus of Spite.
Two thumbs up to me dragging my sleepy ass out of bed at 9:15, 45 minutes later than usual, and still managing to make it to class on time, even though I looked like I fell down the rabbit hole. Can this get three thumbs up actually? I'm really proud of myself.
One thumb up to having great conversations/super chill visits with friends I click-click-click with. Insight, injuries, laughter and discussion galore...but only one thumb up because I intended to stay for an hour and ended up staying for three.
Two thumbs up for people I can be weird around. People who enjoy my cross-eyed dinosaur faces and my french-fry lovin habits. My fondness for weirdness GROWS AND GROWS. From anthro: "anthropology teaches us that people do weird things but they don't do them randomly. They have their reasons...their behavior follows a pattern. It has an internal logic." ...two big thumbs up for internal logic. heh.
One thumb up to John Mayer's CD, Battle Studies. And for actually downloading off the music thread in general, YAY.
No thumbs up to my final tomorrow. Actually one thumb up cause I really DGAF about this class (hah, future major maybe) and plus it's just another one to get through.
Two thumbs up to DISNEYLAND THIS FRIDAY!!! PLUS a Disneyland pass?!? PLEASE let this work.....I'm getting my other digits involved into this bullet point and crossing all my fingers.
No thumbs up to everyone and their dog being sick, even my friend's computer got a virus (ha, ha, ha......)
One thumb up to plans for baking cupcakes next Wednesday: planning on trying out recipes for gingerbread cupcakes or peppermint cupcakes or something holiday-like...
One thumb up to crafty creative thoughts about gift-wrapping and gift-purchasing and wishlists. Only one thumb because I have not the bank account to afford to wrap my gifts so lavishly or even purchase the items I wish I could for the dear ones in my life.
No thumbs up to discovering that UCI = high school, sans parents.
One thumb up to endless apricot blossom green tea addiction. This would get two thumbs up except for the fact that it swellllls my bladder and makes me pee in public restrooms, which I HATE.
No thumbs up to my messy messy room, you can hardly see the floor. And my laundry awaits.
No thumbs up to SHITTT it's 2:00 time to actually get work done......bye.
10.23.2009
words of wisdom
Today started off semi-rough.
I had a French quiz this morning...and if you didn't see my status, you will now.
Chery Sutjahjo: LOL FML french quiz: he asked me who is the laziest in my family, i answered by telling him where i keep my spare umbrellas....HAHAHAHA FAIL
YEAHHH so, paresseux and parapluie definitely NOT the same thing. I was basically laughing my head off the whole time as he reviewed the quiz and went over the answers. Because my answer, instead of saying something along the lines of "I am the laziest in my family" or something like that, was more like "In the closet." .......HAHAHA.
Good thing I have a midterm on Tuesday. WIN! Actually I'm a LOT better at written as opposed to oral testing, so I'm not supremely worried about this. Still. Studying to be done.
Anyway...some random little tidbits have been needling at me much more too. I don't know why I'm being so touchy today, but there was some SERIOUS vibin going on.
VIBIN - Vicious Inner Bitchin. Occurs when I am not a good mood and start mentally hating on every living being on this planet for no apparent reason. This never translates to vocal bitchin, which is good. Just turns my head into some crazy place for the time being.
Yeah so I was hardcore vibin for a large portion of today, I don't really know why. Thankfully my buddy Meher knows whats up, and when I texted him telling him about my weird mood, he responded:
Fuck'em Friday, noun - a spontaneous occurrence of extreme vibin, usually occurring on, but not limited to, a Friday. Reason for occurrence: bitches ain't shit. Ex, "man, fuck'em Friday, I'm vibin on these hoes."
I loled in the middle of class.
Anyway the rest of the day was satisfactory, and this weekend should be ultimate rest time. Not much planned and I'm enjoying it the way that it is. DGAF weekend for sure! GOD I need to stop with these weird terms.
ALSO, I HAVE A NEW BABY:
HTTP://SALMONFRESH.BLOGSPOT.COM
more lifestyle, less whining. please add!
I had a French quiz this morning...and if you didn't see my status, you will now.
Chery Sutjahjo: LOL FML french quiz: he asked me who is the laziest in my family, i answered by telling him where i keep my spare umbrellas....HAHAHAHA FAIL
YEAHHH so, paresseux and parapluie definitely NOT the same thing. I was basically laughing my head off the whole time as he reviewed the quiz and went over the answers. Because my answer, instead of saying something along the lines of "I am the laziest in my family" or something like that, was more like "In the closet." .......HAHAHA.
Good thing I have a midterm on Tuesday. WIN! Actually I'm a LOT better at written as opposed to oral testing, so I'm not supremely worried about this. Still. Studying to be done.
Anyway...some random little tidbits have been needling at me much more too. I don't know why I'm being so touchy today, but there was some SERIOUS vibin going on.
VIBIN - Vicious Inner Bitchin. Occurs when I am not a good mood and start mentally hating on every living being on this planet for no apparent reason. This never translates to vocal bitchin, which is good. Just turns my head into some crazy place for the time being.
Yeah so I was hardcore vibin for a large portion of today, I don't really know why. Thankfully my buddy Meher knows whats up, and when I texted him telling him about my weird mood, he responded:
Fuck'em Friday, noun - a spontaneous occurrence of extreme vibin, usually occurring on, but not limited to, a Friday. Reason for occurrence: bitches ain't shit. Ex, "man, fuck'em Friday, I'm vibin on these hoes."
I loled in the middle of class.
Anyway the rest of the day was satisfactory, and this weekend should be ultimate rest time. Not much planned and I'm enjoying it the way that it is. DGAF weekend for sure! GOD I need to stop with these weird terms.
ALSO, I HAVE A NEW BABY:
HTTP://SALMONFRESH.BLOGSPOT.COM
more lifestyle, less whining. please add!
10.12.2009
no thing, nothing
So guys. Monday is apparently wake-up call day, Chery doesn't have a thing day.
That's right. A thing. Especially now, it's noticeable. People have THINGS...C has her dance/photo/fashion thing, A has the architecture and the dance thing, N has his political thing, T has his biology business, M has the music thing...need I continue? Oh it's not only home people who have things (I hope you don't feel like I'm pointing fingers), UCI people have more things. Seriously everyone and their mother AND their dog is pledging for a sorority/fraternity (not that I'm jealous) but that counts as a thing!!! M has her SPOP/being friends with everybody thing, J has like a thousand different things, all of which are resume boosting AND enjoyable for her, S has freakin TRIATHLON CLUB...where does this leave me?? THING LESS!!! I DON'T EVEN GO TO THE GYMMMMM.
At least I have TRIED things...right? Sorority thing? Tried it for a week, wasn't for me. Lots of frustration and confusion on my part there but a good and worthwhile experience when it all comes down to it. And it's taught me to grow up as a person too.
So what makes me notice, even more tonight than ever before, that I don't have a thing?? Well, I ran into a summer friend on the bus today, and he managed to convince me to go to a dance workshop. So I went. I was pretty psyched, I was like, YES, I did one boogiezone class over the summer, a couple hiphop classes last year, flight school in Meher's garage, TOTALLY legit. It was like, time to get back on the dance crack!! YES. I thought I could easily make dance my thing. I mean, everyone here dances. Not that hard, right?
Fast forward about one hour, Chery = chopped and screwed. Not in the good way. Yeah okay so maybe I shouldn't have gone back to the dance crack by diving head first into a workshop for PROS. It's like after you have a hangover you go out again and then start the night by taking 10 shots in a row, BAM, no bueno. Okay that didn't really make sense BUT I think you get my jist.
Yeah so it was a pretty demeaning hour. I felt about one inch tall. And lemme tell ya, there were like PEOPLE I KNOW there, and I talked to them, so they KNOW I went. This was none of the James Bond under-the-radar secretly training to be Ciara type shit, this was like OH HEY YOU'RE HERE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU DANCED, COOL. Yeah I don't dance guys. And they didn't believe me either, so when I failed it was like, "wow she wasn't being modest, she does suck." And since they all know I was there, cause I talked to them (mistake) they also all know that I left about 2 hours early...
But HONESTLY swear to GOD, I thought the girl said "bathroom run!" In actuality she said "back to front" which is why everyone started shuffling around and rearranging. You can see how that would be confusing right? But yeah I saw it as an opportunity to roll out, cause come on, that was not really where I was meant to be at that moment in time. Plus my friend was like hardcore hating her life right then and I felt supersuper bad for dragging her with me on my druggie quest for dance crack...so yeah we peaced out. Not a shining moment for me because leaving involved walking past the front of the basketball courts...where everyone was facing, trying to learn this super legit piece...yeaaaah.
High five self, at least I tried, RIGHT?
So, dance. NOT MY THING.
I went home and cooked myself six potstickers, extra browned and crispy and delicious, to make myself feel better. All the while I vented to my roomie about how I don't have a thing. So then I segmented off my life into past things and future things and present things.
THINGS I ONCE HAD
-the ice skating thing. Can't really go back to it now, it's just a side thing. Not even really a thing. Even when I actually had it I didn't appreciate it at it's full value, and then I quit, so anyway it's NOT my thing.
-piano thing, again, QUIT. Such a quitter, fml.
-I guess I had the yearbook thing in high school. Again, does not translate into college life.
-Girl Scout. Um...didn't officially quit, just kind of gradually drained it out of my life. Not a thing.
Which leaves me with no things.
THINGS I TRIED TO HAVE
-New U: well, basically, I failed at writing an article for the first week because I'm too busy...killing flies or something. This week there are more pieces that I can write and I am going to strap myself to my chair with the new belt I bought until something worth reading comes out of my fingertips or I sit there long enough until I starve and lose a thousand pounds and slip out from under the belt, whichever comes first.
-Dance: HAAA, see above. I still want this to be a thing in my life but I need baby steps guys! And everyone here is freaking good already so my baby steps are like...lost among their running man steps. HA, reference to a dance "picture" that I semi-learned today, omg, I am being such a poser trying to sound like a pro right now. Moving right along.
-Sorority thing: Can I get a nice, rousing "NAY"? Nay.
Still have nothing.
So what do I do with my life then? REALLY, REALLY? 24 hours a day, and usually I am awake for about at least 14 of them, so what the eff am I doing all day?
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE RECENT PAST:
-overcame my disgust for flies and killed around 4 of them yesterday in a panic-induced killing frenzy spurred by my roommate and friend. Then proceeded to vacuum up the guts and corpses, and then rewarded myself with a pizookie.
-I bought really cute shoes today. I'm wearing them right now, and they are possibly the only things making me happy at this moment in time.
-I had a really delicious breakfast burrito, and now my grocery list includes breakfast burrito ingredients. I also have a new list of movies to see, including one called "Nobody" which is pretty much how I feel right now. Go watch the trailer and then take me to the movie, THANKS.
-I think I got a 3/3 on my quiz today for Earth System Science.....YAAAAAY.
And not much else... I guess...
Okay it has also been brought to my attention that I keep telling people that I'm a journalism major, but I haven't even declared yet, so BASICALLY I've been lying to everyone I've met since Week 0...SORRY GUYS.
Jacki and I tried to figure out what my thing is as she cooked me dessert. When I say dessert, I mean deep fried nutella wrapped in wonton skins and then sprinkled with powdered sugar.
Jacki: I'm not sure if they'll be good...let's just try it and then pretend this never happened if they suck.
Chery: Jacki. They have chocolate, sugar, and are deep fried. They HAVE to be good. Rule of nature.
And then after that we kind of died and stopped talking cause we were busy stuffing our faces.
Anyway, trying to figure out my thing...
Jacki: You like reading!! That's a thing!!
Chery: JACKI. ANYONE CAN READ. THAT'S NOT MY THING.
But yeah, things that I AM good at include...
-reading. WOOOO
-eating, especially fried things or sweet things, or salty things. Or all of the above.
-spending unnecessary money on unnecessary items, like good clothes or good food.
-venting
-making fun of people, probably. Verbally or mentally...sneakily or otherwise.
-procrastinating (like what I'm doing now)
-making lists.
-...texting
and surprise, surprise, these are ALL THINGS that basically ANY human being on this whole Earth can do. So basically I'm a non-unique waste of oxygen. Haaa...
I think my problem is I just can't commit to things. Maybe I should just pick a thing, and stop flirting with too many things, and then openly ask the thing to be in a relationship with me, and then change my status on facebook, and then spend all my time with this thing such that people will say, "Oh, Chery? Yeah, she's that girl! She has that _____ thing."
I mean, as of right now, I don't even know how people classify me. Not that I want to be classified, but I especially don't want to be known as thing-less girl, or be defined by who I hang out with. "Oh, Chery? Yeah she's always with that SPOP/dance/Frat/Sorority girl/boy."
But no. I fail at committing to things in general. I will have lunch with you later this week but I will probably forget who you are by the end of the month. So how am I supposed to pick a thing and love that thing for ever and ever??? I freaking get tired of my outfit by the end of the day, dammit.
I don't even want any sympathy right now, don't tell me I'm not a failure. JUST TELL ME I'M A FAILURE, maybe then I'll get a move on and DO something about it for once, instead of vent to my three online readers. And DON'T EVEN say the "writing thing" because one, I have been lying to people about that being my major, two, the only writing I do right now is blogging which hardly counts and making lists of things to do which counts even less, and then copying lecture notes which counts the least because I'm hardly even thinking as I sit there vacuously copying slide after slide, and three I haven't even written an article for the New U yet, and let me be frank, it's not like it's a huge struggle to do. I just...haven't. If writing was my thing I'd have churned out like a thousand articles by now and been crowned unofficial staff writer of the month.
SIGH. It's fine. This is an optimistic kind of depression... and thus begins the search for my thing. At least I don't have swine flu, having swine flu as your thing is worse than having no thing at all. Praise the skies.
That's right. A thing. Especially now, it's noticeable. People have THINGS...C has her dance/photo/fashion thing, A has the architecture and the dance thing, N has his political thing, T has his biology business, M has the music thing...need I continue? Oh it's not only home people who have things (I hope you don't feel like I'm pointing fingers), UCI people have more things. Seriously everyone and their mother AND their dog is pledging for a sorority/fraternity (not that I'm jealous) but that counts as a thing!!! M has her SPOP/being friends with everybody thing, J has like a thousand different things, all of which are resume boosting AND enjoyable for her, S has freakin TRIATHLON CLUB...where does this leave me?? THING LESS!!! I DON'T EVEN GO TO THE GYMMMMM.
At least I have TRIED things...right? Sorority thing? Tried it for a week, wasn't for me. Lots of frustration and confusion on my part there but a good and worthwhile experience when it all comes down to it. And it's taught me to grow up as a person too.
So what makes me notice, even more tonight than ever before, that I don't have a thing?? Well, I ran into a summer friend on the bus today, and he managed to convince me to go to a dance workshop. So I went. I was pretty psyched, I was like, YES, I did one boogiezone class over the summer, a couple hiphop classes last year, flight school in Meher's garage, TOTALLY legit. It was like, time to get back on the dance crack!! YES. I thought I could easily make dance my thing. I mean, everyone here dances. Not that hard, right?
Fast forward about one hour, Chery = chopped and screwed. Not in the good way. Yeah okay so maybe I shouldn't have gone back to the dance crack by diving head first into a workshop for PROS. It's like after you have a hangover you go out again and then start the night by taking 10 shots in a row, BAM, no bueno. Okay that didn't really make sense BUT I think you get my jist.
Yeah so it was a pretty demeaning hour. I felt about one inch tall. And lemme tell ya, there were like PEOPLE I KNOW there, and I talked to them, so they KNOW I went. This was none of the James Bond under-the-radar secretly training to be Ciara type shit, this was like OH HEY YOU'RE HERE, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU DANCED, COOL. Yeah I don't dance guys. And they didn't believe me either, so when I failed it was like, "wow she wasn't being modest, she does suck." And since they all know I was there, cause I talked to them (mistake) they also all know that I left about 2 hours early...
But HONESTLY swear to GOD, I thought the girl said "bathroom run!" In actuality she said "back to front" which is why everyone started shuffling around and rearranging. You can see how that would be confusing right? But yeah I saw it as an opportunity to roll out, cause come on, that was not really where I was meant to be at that moment in time. Plus my friend was like hardcore hating her life right then and I felt supersuper bad for dragging her with me on my druggie quest for dance crack...so yeah we peaced out. Not a shining moment for me because leaving involved walking past the front of the basketball courts...where everyone was facing, trying to learn this super legit piece...yeaaaah.
High five self, at least I tried, RIGHT?
So, dance. NOT MY THING.
I went home and cooked myself six potstickers, extra browned and crispy and delicious, to make myself feel better. All the while I vented to my roomie about how I don't have a thing. So then I segmented off my life into past things and future things and present things.
THINGS I ONCE HAD
-the ice skating thing. Can't really go back to it now, it's just a side thing. Not even really a thing. Even when I actually had it I didn't appreciate it at it's full value, and then I quit, so anyway it's NOT my thing.
-piano thing, again, QUIT. Such a quitter, fml.
-I guess I had the yearbook thing in high school. Again, does not translate into college life.
-Girl Scout. Um...didn't officially quit, just kind of gradually drained it out of my life. Not a thing.
Which leaves me with no things.
THINGS I TRIED TO HAVE
-New U: well, basically, I failed at writing an article for the first week because I'm too busy...killing flies or something. This week there are more pieces that I can write and I am going to strap myself to my chair with the new belt I bought until something worth reading comes out of my fingertips or I sit there long enough until I starve and lose a thousand pounds and slip out from under the belt, whichever comes first.
-Dance: HAAA, see above. I still want this to be a thing in my life but I need baby steps guys! And everyone here is freaking good already so my baby steps are like...lost among their running man steps. HA, reference to a dance "picture" that I semi-learned today, omg, I am being such a poser trying to sound like a pro right now. Moving right along.
-Sorority thing: Can I get a nice, rousing "NAY"? Nay.
Still have nothing.
So what do I do with my life then? REALLY, REALLY? 24 hours a day, and usually I am awake for about at least 14 of them, so what the eff am I doing all day?
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE RECENT PAST:
-overcame my disgust for flies and killed around 4 of them yesterday in a panic-induced killing frenzy spurred by my roommate and friend. Then proceeded to vacuum up the guts and corpses, and then rewarded myself with a pizookie.
-I bought really cute shoes today. I'm wearing them right now, and they are possibly the only things making me happy at this moment in time.
-I had a really delicious breakfast burrito, and now my grocery list includes breakfast burrito ingredients. I also have a new list of movies to see, including one called "Nobody" which is pretty much how I feel right now. Go watch the trailer and then take me to the movie, THANKS.
-I think I got a 3/3 on my quiz today for Earth System Science.....YAAAAAY.
And not much else... I guess...
Okay it has also been brought to my attention that I keep telling people that I'm a journalism major, but I haven't even declared yet, so BASICALLY I've been lying to everyone I've met since Week 0...SORRY GUYS.
Jacki and I tried to figure out what my thing is as she cooked me dessert. When I say dessert, I mean deep fried nutella wrapped in wonton skins and then sprinkled with powdered sugar.
Jacki: I'm not sure if they'll be good...let's just try it and then pretend this never happened if they suck.
Chery: Jacki. They have chocolate, sugar, and are deep fried. They HAVE to be good. Rule of nature.
And then after that we kind of died and stopped talking cause we were busy stuffing our faces.
Anyway, trying to figure out my thing...
Jacki: You like reading!! That's a thing!!
Chery: JACKI. ANYONE CAN READ. THAT'S NOT MY THING.
But yeah, things that I AM good at include...
-reading. WOOOO
-eating, especially fried things or sweet things, or salty things. Or all of the above.
-spending unnecessary money on unnecessary items, like good clothes or good food.
-venting
-making fun of people, probably. Verbally or mentally...sneakily or otherwise.
-procrastinating (like what I'm doing now)
-making lists.
-...texting
and surprise, surprise, these are ALL THINGS that basically ANY human being on this whole Earth can do. So basically I'm a non-unique waste of oxygen. Haaa...
I think my problem is I just can't commit to things. Maybe I should just pick a thing, and stop flirting with too many things, and then openly ask the thing to be in a relationship with me, and then change my status on facebook, and then spend all my time with this thing such that people will say, "Oh, Chery? Yeah, she's that girl! She has that _____ thing."
I mean, as of right now, I don't even know how people classify me. Not that I want to be classified, but I especially don't want to be known as thing-less girl, or be defined by who I hang out with. "Oh, Chery? Yeah she's always with that SPOP/dance/Frat/Sorority girl/boy."
But no. I fail at committing to things in general. I will have lunch with you later this week but I will probably forget who you are by the end of the month. So how am I supposed to pick a thing and love that thing for ever and ever??? I freaking get tired of my outfit by the end of the day, dammit.
I don't even want any sympathy right now, don't tell me I'm not a failure. JUST TELL ME I'M A FAILURE, maybe then I'll get a move on and DO something about it for once, instead of vent to my three online readers. And DON'T EVEN say the "writing thing" because one, I have been lying to people about that being my major, two, the only writing I do right now is blogging which hardly counts and making lists of things to do which counts even less, and then copying lecture notes which counts the least because I'm hardly even thinking as I sit there vacuously copying slide after slide, and three I haven't even written an article for the New U yet, and let me be frank, it's not like it's a huge struggle to do. I just...haven't. If writing was my thing I'd have churned out like a thousand articles by now and been crowned unofficial staff writer of the month.
SIGH. It's fine. This is an optimistic kind of depression... and thus begins the search for my thing. At least I don't have swine flu, having swine flu as your thing is worse than having no thing at all. Praise the skies.
10.09.2009
cruise control
Here we are! The end of the week has finally been reached. For the most part I spent it in autopilot -- which I'm sure you guys understand, if not from your own lives, but from my recent blog posts. Yeah, I've been complaining. Or not complaining specifically but wondering and over-thinking too much, as usual, I guess.
Every day felt like the same thing again and again. Maybe it's because I have to wake up at the same time every day, that when I turn and see the clock hands pointing at 8:30 AM every morning, it just feels like some weird deja vu, as if I'm heading into a day that I've already lived through once before.
So it was school, that was routine enough. Work, very routine. Even social functions & friendships are getting strained as everyone starts to divert their attention to their own lives and own interests. It's not necessarily that I'm feeling left behind...maybe just that everyone is so certain of what they want, and I'm a little more susceptible to just floating for a while.
Anyway, I cruise controlled myself through the week and ended up here, this paradise of a Friday afternoon. I'm planning on cleaning/reorganizing my room because...busy weeks = messy rooms, complete with clothes cast aside as they were deemed unworthy outfit choices. I need to plan my weekend and get started on writing a piece for the new U which is due this Sunday. I need to catch up on notes/readings from the week...
This is starting to turn into a to-do list, and I already have too many of those.
Things I am looking forward to:
-football game tonight between 2 frats. (: I'm pretty good friends with one of the frats and they invited me to come out and support. I'm excited -- I miss watching football, as little as I understand it. I miss HIGH SCHOOL and HOMECOMING, sigh sigh sigh.
-JASON MRAZ concert on Saturday! To be honest at this moment I'm not supremely thrilled or anything...but I suppose that's just because I'm in mellowed-out finally-Friday stage. A good nights sleep and a little bit of fun will definitely change that for me.
But yeah lately I've been feeling like a granny. Not wanting to do much, just wanting to get to bed early or have a little ME time. I should seriously start learning how to knit and/or play bridge.
Every day felt like the same thing again and again. Maybe it's because I have to wake up at the same time every day, that when I turn and see the clock hands pointing at 8:30 AM every morning, it just feels like some weird deja vu, as if I'm heading into a day that I've already lived through once before.
So it was school, that was routine enough. Work, very routine. Even social functions & friendships are getting strained as everyone starts to divert their attention to their own lives and own interests. It's not necessarily that I'm feeling left behind...maybe just that everyone is so certain of what they want, and I'm a little more susceptible to just floating for a while.
Anyway, I cruise controlled myself through the week and ended up here, this paradise of a Friday afternoon. I'm planning on cleaning/reorganizing my room because...busy weeks = messy rooms, complete with clothes cast aside as they were deemed unworthy outfit choices. I need to plan my weekend and get started on writing a piece for the new U which is due this Sunday. I need to catch up on notes/readings from the week...
This is starting to turn into a to-do list, and I already have too many of those.
Things I am looking forward to:
-football game tonight between 2 frats. (: I'm pretty good friends with one of the frats and they invited me to come out and support. I'm excited -- I miss watching football, as little as I understand it. I miss HIGH SCHOOL and HOMECOMING, sigh sigh sigh.
-JASON MRAZ concert on Saturday! To be honest at this moment I'm not supremely thrilled or anything...but I suppose that's just because I'm in mellowed-out finally-Friday stage. A good nights sleep and a little bit of fun will definitely change that for me.
But yeah lately I've been feeling like a granny. Not wanting to do much, just wanting to get to bed early or have a little ME time. I should seriously start learning how to knit and/or play bridge.
10.06.2009
celebrity
In-N-Out was the place to be on Monday night, especially if you're usually a person who sits in front of their computer on Monday nights.
All under one roof: AJ Rafael, Christine "Happy Slip", Kev Jumba, Uncle Same, Scott Yoshimoto, Cathy Nguyen, Paul Dateh, Phil Wang and Wesley Chan. The youtube generation -- made it big on the interweb and gained fans by posting videos. Fans who now flock to events to see their Internet crushes in the flesh.
I went to a concert to raise awareness for Hepatitis B among Asian Americans. Performers included AJ Rafael, Kev Jumba, Happy Slip, Paul Dateh, and Kaba Modern. A pretty great show when it all comes down to it.
The thing that got to me most was how they came by their stardom. They all pretty much had the same humble roots and chanced upon this new youtube culture that is steadily gaining momentum and bursting forward into a new medium of pop culture. These artists are known mostly through their online persona -- youtube, twitter, facebook, what have you. What a strange world when fame starts on such a personal scale. It's a weird kind of celebrity, I guess...because it takes one to know one. One youtube junkie to recognize another. One talented artist to spend the time in front of the computer posting videos, and a distant fan spending the time to watch and listen, comment and subscribe.
Then the relationship that sprouts from that is weird as well. They're not used to fame, I don't think they expected it. It's still the beginning stages of "stardom" I guess you could say, blinking in the light of the flashbulbs and unable to turn down an offer. Still eager for fans and recognition, appreciative of support and encouraging more turnout. I guess it's a stage where they still HAVE to be nice. They're not famous enough or successful enough to turn down fans. Their reputation as an artist isn't developed enough for them to be selfish. So I must assume that it is incredibly taxing -- to keep smiling for photographs, keep talking and promoting, keep signing scooters...when all you really want is a damn burger and some peace and quiet.
I could never be famous. I used to dream of the glitz and glamour and people yelling my name and wanting my autograph. But now I know I'd never be able to deal with that kind of attention, I'd never be able to consistently be the STAR that everyone wants to see. I have my breakdowns and moments when I don't want to be anyone at all. And I guess I'd have to admit that I'm selfish enough to submit to these momentary emotional instabilities.
So as I discussed with Joyce as we nibbled our late night egg rolls, it's much better to be successful and well-known than famous and well-recognized. People who work behind the scenes still get the importance and influence as famous people do, but they don't get the swarms of eager fans, because fans don't really know what they look like. They get to eat their burgers in peace.
When I was younger I wished I had an instantly displayable talent. Things I did -- ice skating, piano, writing -- required some special arena or instrument. I couldn't just whip out a talent in the middle of the blacktop at recess like some singer could. I couldn't sprint around the track at warp speed, I couldn't do a backflip in the middle of the auditorium. I needed a rink or a piano or some kind of essay or piece to showcase my "talent".
Now I guess it's not such a bad thing. As a writer I could have influence, and perhaps even change the way people think and perceive the world. But I don't necessarily have to be physically recognized. I could write from the safety of my bedroom, growing nostril hairs to the tip of my chin with my head of hair uncombed and greasy and the world would probably never know. I could be the spitting image of the mean witch in Snow White, but nobody would really care as long as I wrote well enough. My picture could just be some outdated, photoshopped, airbrushed picture to be stamped at the head of a column every single week.
So I have a great deal of admiration for these people. They know what the public wants to see and they are able to cater to that, 24/7. It's not just when they're on stage. So major props to them.
I guess because of this, and because I wonder if they are happy with this chanced-upon fame, I get shy when I talk to them. I admire them so much, have so much to ask them about how they got to where they are, but usually I just clam up, ask for a picture, and then sidle away. I don't want to be a bother, and I'm unsure whether or not they're being honest when they say they don't mind. Who am I to keep them talking to me?
But I guess this is a skill I need to work on. I watched as some of my friends joked around with Paul Dateh -- as if he were a real person!! Unthinkable!! They even invited him to In N Out for a milkshake and I tagged along, at a loss of words and at the same time not wanting to seem like some dumb groupie. But yeah I'm definitely missing that aggressive/personable factor that turns people from celebrities to neighbors. Something I need to work on. I think it's a confidence thing.
---
Something else I struck upon tonight as I discussed Greek life with Omar. It's important to think about your place in the world from a 360 degree view. Who are you looking up to, who is looking up to you? Who is next to you, going through the same things that you are going through?
During my one week as a Greek (I can't get over this cheesy rhyme) I looked at the girls in the sororities and saw girls I could look up to, girls who could be like big sisters, to be asked advice and to be admired. I saw girls who I could be friends with, to discuss current problems and solve them side by side. And I even saw girls who I felt like I could be a leader for. When you find all three I guess it's a good match because you can grow in all directions.
Applying this theory to everyday life and the friends that I have now, I realize it's quite the same. People I talk to every day are people I look up to and want to emulate. There are people who are right beside me going through the same things that I am dealing with. And there are people beside me who I feel that I can offer guidance to. I think a balance between these three is what makes life interesting, because then it's not always the same thing being expected of you.
All under one roof: AJ Rafael, Christine "Happy Slip", Kev Jumba, Uncle Same, Scott Yoshimoto, Cathy Nguyen, Paul Dateh, Phil Wang and Wesley Chan. The youtube generation -- made it big on the interweb and gained fans by posting videos. Fans who now flock to events to see their Internet crushes in the flesh.
I went to a concert to raise awareness for Hepatitis B among Asian Americans. Performers included AJ Rafael, Kev Jumba, Happy Slip, Paul Dateh, and Kaba Modern. A pretty great show when it all comes down to it.
The thing that got to me most was how they came by their stardom. They all pretty much had the same humble roots and chanced upon this new youtube culture that is steadily gaining momentum and bursting forward into a new medium of pop culture. These artists are known mostly through their online persona -- youtube, twitter, facebook, what have you. What a strange world when fame starts on such a personal scale. It's a weird kind of celebrity, I guess...because it takes one to know one. One youtube junkie to recognize another. One talented artist to spend the time in front of the computer posting videos, and a distant fan spending the time to watch and listen, comment and subscribe.
Then the relationship that sprouts from that is weird as well. They're not used to fame, I don't think they expected it. It's still the beginning stages of "stardom" I guess you could say, blinking in the light of the flashbulbs and unable to turn down an offer. Still eager for fans and recognition, appreciative of support and encouraging more turnout. I guess it's a stage where they still HAVE to be nice. They're not famous enough or successful enough to turn down fans. Their reputation as an artist isn't developed enough for them to be selfish. So I must assume that it is incredibly taxing -- to keep smiling for photographs, keep talking and promoting, keep signing scooters...when all you really want is a damn burger and some peace and quiet.
I could never be famous. I used to dream of the glitz and glamour and people yelling my name and wanting my autograph. But now I know I'd never be able to deal with that kind of attention, I'd never be able to consistently be the STAR that everyone wants to see. I have my breakdowns and moments when I don't want to be anyone at all. And I guess I'd have to admit that I'm selfish enough to submit to these momentary emotional instabilities.
So as I discussed with Joyce as we nibbled our late night egg rolls, it's much better to be successful and well-known than famous and well-recognized. People who work behind the scenes still get the importance and influence as famous people do, but they don't get the swarms of eager fans, because fans don't really know what they look like. They get to eat their burgers in peace.
When I was younger I wished I had an instantly displayable talent. Things I did -- ice skating, piano, writing -- required some special arena or instrument. I couldn't just whip out a talent in the middle of the blacktop at recess like some singer could. I couldn't sprint around the track at warp speed, I couldn't do a backflip in the middle of the auditorium. I needed a rink or a piano or some kind of essay or piece to showcase my "talent".
Now I guess it's not such a bad thing. As a writer I could have influence, and perhaps even change the way people think and perceive the world. But I don't necessarily have to be physically recognized. I could write from the safety of my bedroom, growing nostril hairs to the tip of my chin with my head of hair uncombed and greasy and the world would probably never know. I could be the spitting image of the mean witch in Snow White, but nobody would really care as long as I wrote well enough. My picture could just be some outdated, photoshopped, airbrushed picture to be stamped at the head of a column every single week.
So I have a great deal of admiration for these people. They know what the public wants to see and they are able to cater to that, 24/7. It's not just when they're on stage. So major props to them.
I guess because of this, and because I wonder if they are happy with this chanced-upon fame, I get shy when I talk to them. I admire them so much, have so much to ask them about how they got to where they are, but usually I just clam up, ask for a picture, and then sidle away. I don't want to be a bother, and I'm unsure whether or not they're being honest when they say they don't mind. Who am I to keep them talking to me?
But I guess this is a skill I need to work on. I watched as some of my friends joked around with Paul Dateh -- as if he were a real person!! Unthinkable!! They even invited him to In N Out for a milkshake and I tagged along, at a loss of words and at the same time not wanting to seem like some dumb groupie. But yeah I'm definitely missing that aggressive/personable factor that turns people from celebrities to neighbors. Something I need to work on. I think it's a confidence thing.
---
Something else I struck upon tonight as I discussed Greek life with Omar. It's important to think about your place in the world from a 360 degree view. Who are you looking up to, who is looking up to you? Who is next to you, going through the same things that you are going through?
During my one week as a Greek (I can't get over this cheesy rhyme) I looked at the girls in the sororities and saw girls I could look up to, girls who could be like big sisters, to be asked advice and to be admired. I saw girls who I could be friends with, to discuss current problems and solve them side by side. And I even saw girls who I felt like I could be a leader for. When you find all three I guess it's a good match because you can grow in all directions.
Applying this theory to everyday life and the friends that I have now, I realize it's quite the same. People I talk to every day are people I look up to and want to emulate. There are people who are right beside me going through the same things that I am dealing with. And there are people beside me who I feel that I can offer guidance to. I think a balance between these three is what makes life interesting, because then it's not always the same thing being expected of you.
10.05.2009
j'adore!
The vendor fair came to UCI today. One of my favorite weeks of the school year, hahah. Okay it's not really THAT amazing, but I just like seeing people out on Ring Road all the time.
Anyway, I caught an early bus to school and then spent $20 before class buying tops. After class I spent another $20 at the American Apparel booth...and because my bag was starting to get overstuffed because of my many purchases, I took a bus home to drop off my stuff.
I effectively wasted my intended one hour study period by buying t-shirts and then taking the t-shirts home. Next class was Earth System Science, where I fell asleep for five minutes after ignoring a rather random serenade while I found my seat. Yeah...anyway. The quiz in ESS was alright, I definitely need to purchase a textbook I guess. Bummer. MORE MONEY...
Afterwards I paid a visit to the vendor fair again, and then decided to appease my grumbling stomach with some DELICIOUS pizza. I'm very particular about crusts and this one hit the spot. Joyce and I also attended a Hepatitis B info session/art show in order to get free tickets for tonights concert.
A concert? TONIGHT? YES. I ran into some people advertising the "B free" awareness program and they told me that David Choi was performing tonight, among others. DAVID CHOI!!! YAY! I'm super thrrrrilled.
If all days were like today, life would be so nice and perfectly happy. Simple unfolding of little things, one after another. Happy happy happy.
I went with Mo over to UTC afterwards to get some sweets. Yogurt covered pretzels = my new best friend. Although the Koreans that own Sweet Tooth overprice these treats crazily, I am still a pretty consistent customer. SIGH, why do I spend money like I grow it in my backyard?!?! I DON'T!!! I don't even have a backyard!!!
UTC was interesting for two reasons:
1. Spotted J#1...and J#2. More on that later.
2. Received my second awkward phone call of the day. I feel like this is phone karma of some sort. Or rush karma. SOMETHING. Anyway this morning, I called my pledge mom to tell her that I was de-pledging from Gamma Phi Beta. It was kind of awkward with a lot of long empty pauses on her end, as well as some trailing off sentences and uncertainty and flustered lying on my part. But in the end the deed was done.
So then yeah, after de-pledging this, I get a call from alpha Kappa Delta Phi not six hours later informing me that they would LOVE to see me at their info night! Tonight! At 7pm! They really want to see me there!!!
Yeahh. I'm kind of done with the sorority thing. Why would they even want me? I'd probably just end up being the bitch that everyone hates but pretends to love, because we are "sisters" and happen to own the same clothing and know the same people.
MOVING ON. But yeah. OH. I made a creeper-y decision and convinced Mo that we NEEDED to go back on campus...for several reasons...one being that J#2 was headed that way. I'm not a stalker, I swear. But OKAY FINE it was pretty creepy on my part, I will admit. But the ultimate result was not a run-in with him, it was a run-in with other people that was actually much more enjoyable. Mini-errand running and mini-conversations were had, free shit was acquired, bathroom narration was listened to, and then I headed home fully satisfied and feeling very non-creepy.
Spy talk is so much fun. Target acquired! Abort mission, target is leaving the premises! LOL...
The stress of thinking about sorority stuff is now finally lifted and I feel like I can see so much clearer. I closed that door but opened several more today. I turned in an application for Yearbook at UCI, found out that I might be getting a position in ASUCI (not counting my chickens before they hatch!! CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME), and basically filled out my social schedule a little bit more. THANK GOODNESS for random run-ins with people I like.
So yeah, I'm in quite a chipper mood. The concert is at 6:30 so I'm planning to take the next two hours to be productive, catch up on work, etc. etc. My schedule feels so nice and empty without much to be pulling me back, only opportunities that I can choose to go to or choose to forget.
And today in French I learned how to say j'adore! How appropriate for a day that ended up being...adored? HA...I def need to practice my French.
EDIT
Okay, I was shamelessly lied to. I checked my twitter and David Choi is sick...and in Korea...WTF MATE. I guess I will still go, KevJumba and AJ Rafael are supposed to be there. Plus Kaba, always good to see. SIGH DAVID CHOI, WHY.
Anyway, I caught an early bus to school and then spent $20 before class buying tops. After class I spent another $20 at the American Apparel booth...and because my bag was starting to get overstuffed because of my many purchases, I took a bus home to drop off my stuff.
I effectively wasted my intended one hour study period by buying t-shirts and then taking the t-shirts home. Next class was Earth System Science, where I fell asleep for five minutes after ignoring a rather random serenade while I found my seat. Yeah...anyway. The quiz in ESS was alright, I definitely need to purchase a textbook I guess. Bummer. MORE MONEY...
Afterwards I paid a visit to the vendor fair again, and then decided to appease my grumbling stomach with some DELICIOUS pizza. I'm very particular about crusts and this one hit the spot. Joyce and I also attended a Hepatitis B info session/art show in order to get free tickets for tonights concert.
A concert? TONIGHT? YES. I ran into some people advertising the "B free" awareness program and they told me that David Choi was performing tonight, among others. DAVID CHOI!!! YAY! I'm super thrrrrilled.
If all days were like today, life would be so nice and perfectly happy. Simple unfolding of little things, one after another. Happy happy happy.
I went with Mo over to UTC afterwards to get some sweets. Yogurt covered pretzels = my new best friend. Although the Koreans that own Sweet Tooth overprice these treats crazily, I am still a pretty consistent customer. SIGH, why do I spend money like I grow it in my backyard?!?! I DON'T!!! I don't even have a backyard!!!
UTC was interesting for two reasons:
1. Spotted J#1...and J#2. More on that later.
2. Received my second awkward phone call of the day. I feel like this is phone karma of some sort. Or rush karma. SOMETHING. Anyway this morning, I called my pledge mom to tell her that I was de-pledging from Gamma Phi Beta. It was kind of awkward with a lot of long empty pauses on her end, as well as some trailing off sentences and uncertainty and flustered lying on my part. But in the end the deed was done.
So then yeah, after de-pledging this, I get a call from alpha Kappa Delta Phi not six hours later informing me that they would LOVE to see me at their info night! Tonight! At 7pm! They really want to see me there!!!
Yeahh. I'm kind of done with the sorority thing. Why would they even want me? I'd probably just end up being the bitch that everyone hates but pretends to love, because we are "sisters" and happen to own the same clothing and know the same people.
MOVING ON. But yeah. OH. I made a creeper-y decision and convinced Mo that we NEEDED to go back on campus...for several reasons...one being that J#2 was headed that way. I'm not a stalker, I swear. But OKAY FINE it was pretty creepy on my part, I will admit. But the ultimate result was not a run-in with him, it was a run-in with other people that was actually much more enjoyable. Mini-errand running and mini-conversations were had, free shit was acquired, bathroom narration was listened to, and then I headed home fully satisfied and feeling very non-creepy.
Spy talk is so much fun. Target acquired! Abort mission, target is leaving the premises! LOL...
The stress of thinking about sorority stuff is now finally lifted and I feel like I can see so much clearer. I closed that door but opened several more today. I turned in an application for Yearbook at UCI, found out that I might be getting a position in ASUCI (not counting my chickens before they hatch!! CROSS YOUR FINGERS FOR ME), and basically filled out my social schedule a little bit more. THANK GOODNESS for random run-ins with people I like.
So yeah, I'm in quite a chipper mood. The concert is at 6:30 so I'm planning to take the next two hours to be productive, catch up on work, etc. etc. My schedule feels so nice and empty without much to be pulling me back, only opportunities that I can choose to go to or choose to forget.
And today in French I learned how to say j'adore! How appropriate for a day that ended up being...adored? HA...I def need to practice my French.
EDIT
Okay, I was shamelessly lied to. I checked my twitter and David Choi is sick...and in Korea...WTF MATE. I guess I will still go, KevJumba and AJ Rafael are supposed to be there. Plus Kaba, always good to see. SIGH DAVID CHOI, WHY.
9.28.2009
things on my plate
A lot has been happening lately. I spent the majority of yesterday being super frustrated and imagining shattering glass and ceramic cups and bowls. I looked at mirrors and wanted to punch them. But by the end of the day I was in a chipper mood, thanks to a handful of people including N. I guess I just had a weird night, but what came of it is ultimately better than I ever could have guessed.
I know I'm being vague...um, I got my t-shirt back LOL.
Sorority recruitment is over and bid day is tomorrow. Honestly the whole rush process was so tedious and exhausting. It was all a good experience though, and I'm glad I went through the whole thing, even though my (better?) judgment was suggesting I do otherwise. I ended up finding a house that I actually liked, but this raises more problems for me to think about.
For instance, the money thing. I don't want to ever feel like I'm paying to have friends or paying to have fun or something else like that, because I have plenty of fun without the harsh emptying of my wallet. I don't want to be stereotyped as a "sorority girl", I don't want to have to walk around campus representing something that I don't know if I fully support.
Don't get me wrong, there are certainly aspects that are tempting for me. But as of right now, I'm really on the fence. I guess I'll let bid day unfold and see what happens from there. I can't really tell if I'll be pleased or upset if I don't get a bid; honestly, it could go either way. I'm not sure. I guess we'll see.
Besides that I'm keeping busy enough with work and school. Plus the clubs I signed up for are starting to have all their meetings and such, so I'm gonna check them out and see which ones fit best.
I had a strange urge to write today but there's nothing of substance that really came out, I don't think. I guess this is more of a "hello, I am still here" type of post.
Oh one more thing, C GOT TEXTING, freaking finally. Hahaha, okay I'm out!
I know I'm being vague...um, I got my t-shirt back LOL.
Sorority recruitment is over and bid day is tomorrow. Honestly the whole rush process was so tedious and exhausting. It was all a good experience though, and I'm glad I went through the whole thing, even though my (better?) judgment was suggesting I do otherwise. I ended up finding a house that I actually liked, but this raises more problems for me to think about.
For instance, the money thing. I don't want to ever feel like I'm paying to have friends or paying to have fun or something else like that, because I have plenty of fun without the harsh emptying of my wallet. I don't want to be stereotyped as a "sorority girl", I don't want to have to walk around campus representing something that I don't know if I fully support.
Don't get me wrong, there are certainly aspects that are tempting for me. But as of right now, I'm really on the fence. I guess I'll let bid day unfold and see what happens from there. I can't really tell if I'll be pleased or upset if I don't get a bid; honestly, it could go either way. I'm not sure. I guess we'll see.
Besides that I'm keeping busy enough with work and school. Plus the clubs I signed up for are starting to have all their meetings and such, so I'm gonna check them out and see which ones fit best.
I had a strange urge to write today but there's nothing of substance that really came out, I don't think. I guess this is more of a "hello, I am still here" type of post.
Oh one more thing, C GOT TEXTING, freaking finally. Hahaha, okay I'm out!
9.24.2009
welcome back & being yourself
Time for a recap of the wild normality of my life in the past week, as well as whats coming up.
I love welcome week at UCI. Seeing everyone out and about and having the campus be an actual bustling hub is such a nice change from the usual shuttling about to class. And sure the interactions consist of lots of "please come rush for us" but it's a lot more interesting than the rest of the school year.
Anteater Involvement Fair was on Monday, so I signed up for Fashion Interest Group, Yearbook, and some Anteater Review magazine. I'm hoping to have lunch with my friend aka the editor of the UCI paper sometime soon so I can write for them too. Til then I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for them to email me and tell me to come to meetings. I can't wait to be involved at UCI and feel some sort of purpose.
The week has been blisteringly hot. Just today I stepped out of my apartment after a cold shower with my hair still wet, and as soon as I emerged into the 100 degree heat I swear to you my head started steaming. It was weird.
Star Trek was showing last night at the park; in all honesty I found it quite boring but I always like mellowing out at nighttime so it was still nice. Then today the Jakes, Rootbeer, and Shiny Toy Guns performed out on the lawn, which was REALLY fun. Although I was pretty damn exhausted from doing who knows what all day it was still really entertaining. Definitely check out Rootbeer -- they're like a non-annoying,
more articulate & stylish version of LMFAO.
Afterwards, we went to my friends place and met up with her roommate, who is astoundingly self-assured and confident of who she is. It was really inspiring and at the same time a little intimidating; I wonder at why I'm not as sure of myself as she is. She's a really interesting person, a very commanding presence, as M so accurately describes.
Anyway, we talked a lot about various things but a topic that came up and was repeatedly emphasized was the importance of being yourself. Not so hard, right? Should be pretty simple.
BUT going into the next few days this is something I'm really going to have to keep in mind. H said be yourself 100% and if they don't like it, fuck them, you don't want to hang out with them anyway.
So I'm definitely keeping this in mind, since the coming days are gonna be dedicated Panhellenic Sorority Recruitment. I signed up after some deliberation and decided that it would be an experience worth retelling and would probably give me some valuable knowledge about myself as well as others, and the functioning of the social scene at UCI.
The recruitment orientation was today and it was packed. Filled to capacity with girls, chatty girls in summery clothes, French manicures and perfect makeup. Needless to say it was pretty overwhelming. Tomorrow starts the first day of rush: check-in is at 4:00pm and the events go on until 11pm. Visiting all nine houses, and then before I leave I have to narrow my options down to seven.
Do I really intend on joining a sorority? No. For a number of reasons, monetary as well as more personal reasons. But I realize I can't really judge and say I don't belong until I've tried it out at the very least. Talking to H really emphasized this to me, she's not a typical sorority girl in any way and yet she still found a place within all the stereotypes.
Not much is making sense right now, words are falling out whichever way they please. Tomorrow is the first day of school as well as the faculty/staff/student sit-in, which means that 2/3 of my classes are cancelled. But I still have to write an extra credit piece on what a UC education means to me, as well as sign up for ASUCI tomorrow and check-in for my first French class ever. Which I am absolutely terrified of taking, wish me luck and tutor me please.
Today I also prolonged a tradition with J & J. Venturing into Aldrich Park at the start of last year, J and I found some stone Buddha statue. We rubbed his belly for good luck, hoping for the best that the 08-09 school year could bring us. Today I rubbed his belly again and wondered what changes the next few months would bring, seeing as the past year was a period of such drastic growth that I feel now, that anything could happen.
GOOD NIGHT
I love welcome week at UCI. Seeing everyone out and about and having the campus be an actual bustling hub is such a nice change from the usual shuttling about to class. And sure the interactions consist of lots of "please come rush for us" but it's a lot more interesting than the rest of the school year.
Anteater Involvement Fair was on Monday, so I signed up for Fashion Interest Group, Yearbook, and some Anteater Review magazine. I'm hoping to have lunch with my friend aka the editor of the UCI paper sometime soon so I can write for them too. Til then I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for them to email me and tell me to come to meetings. I can't wait to be involved at UCI and feel some sort of purpose.
The week has been blisteringly hot. Just today I stepped out of my apartment after a cold shower with my hair still wet, and as soon as I emerged into the 100 degree heat I swear to you my head started steaming. It was weird.
Star Trek was showing last night at the park; in all honesty I found it quite boring but I always like mellowing out at nighttime so it was still nice. Then today the Jakes, Rootbeer, and Shiny Toy Guns performed out on the lawn, which was REALLY fun. Although I was pretty damn exhausted from doing who knows what all day it was still really entertaining. Definitely check out Rootbeer -- they're like a non-annoying,
more articulate & stylish version of LMFAO.
Afterwards, we went to my friends place and met up with her roommate, who is astoundingly self-assured and confident of who she is. It was really inspiring and at the same time a little intimidating; I wonder at why I'm not as sure of myself as she is. She's a really interesting person, a very commanding presence, as M so accurately describes.
Anyway, we talked a lot about various things but a topic that came up and was repeatedly emphasized was the importance of being yourself. Not so hard, right? Should be pretty simple.
BUT going into the next few days this is something I'm really going to have to keep in mind. H said be yourself 100% and if they don't like it, fuck them, you don't want to hang out with them anyway.
So I'm definitely keeping this in mind, since the coming days are gonna be dedicated Panhellenic Sorority Recruitment. I signed up after some deliberation and decided that it would be an experience worth retelling and would probably give me some valuable knowledge about myself as well as others, and the functioning of the social scene at UCI.
The recruitment orientation was today and it was packed. Filled to capacity with girls, chatty girls in summery clothes, French manicures and perfect makeup. Needless to say it was pretty overwhelming. Tomorrow starts the first day of rush: check-in is at 4:00pm and the events go on until 11pm. Visiting all nine houses, and then before I leave I have to narrow my options down to seven.
Do I really intend on joining a sorority? No. For a number of reasons, monetary as well as more personal reasons. But I realize I can't really judge and say I don't belong until I've tried it out at the very least. Talking to H really emphasized this to me, she's not a typical sorority girl in any way and yet she still found a place within all the stereotypes.
Not much is making sense right now, words are falling out whichever way they please. Tomorrow is the first day of school as well as the faculty/staff/student sit-in, which means that 2/3 of my classes are cancelled. But I still have to write an extra credit piece on what a UC education means to me, as well as sign up for ASUCI tomorrow and check-in for my first French class ever. Which I am absolutely terrified of taking, wish me luck and tutor me please.
Today I also prolonged a tradition with J & J. Venturing into Aldrich Park at the start of last year, J and I found some stone Buddha statue. We rubbed his belly for good luck, hoping for the best that the 08-09 school year could bring us. Today I rubbed his belly again and wondered what changes the next few months would bring, seeing as the past year was a period of such drastic growth that I feel now, that anything could happen.
GOOD NIGHT
9.18.2009
forever
It may not mean nothin to y'all
But understand nothing was done for me
So I don't plan on stopping at all
I want this shit forever
---
I want this success, and I'm afraid I'll lose sight of just how much I want it.
If this summer taught me anything...it humbled me and reminded me how that nothing is ever going to come easily. This summer showed me the prize -- the lifestyle I could live if I want it badly enough, and if I prove this want through devoted hard work.
But what is success? It comes in three parts for me and my greatest hope is to be able to gather all three.
1. Money - to not have to wonder where my next meal is coming from, to not have to worry about paying the rent. Or to just buy myself a nice NYC apartment. (: And to be able to buy the clothes/products/shoes that I just LOOK at right now.
2. Happiness - hopefully I'll be able to keep my friends & family close as I try to struggle to the top, and hopefully the rewards will be reaped among us all. A summer in Indonesia taught me the style of Indonesian hospitality that I so respect. It is endlessly giving, thoughtful, and conscious of the needs of others. It's something that I want to be able to incorporate into my life and something that really makes me happy. ALSO, of course, the happiness of doing something that I truly love.
3. Change - am I changing the world? Am I at least changing how some people view the world, or how some people think? Am I changing myself for the better?
I guess this is my reminder to strive.
---
I'm preparing to leave Cupertino once again. Just one year ago, my mind was frantic and my thoughts were scattered. Excited but excited (and anxious) in a thousand different directions. Balance is coming to me slowly and it's going to be the main focus for me this year...
and with that
I wish us all luck. (:
But understand nothing was done for me
So I don't plan on stopping at all
I want this shit forever
---
I want this success, and I'm afraid I'll lose sight of just how much I want it.
If this summer taught me anything...it humbled me and reminded me how that nothing is ever going to come easily. This summer showed me the prize -- the lifestyle I could live if I want it badly enough, and if I prove this want through devoted hard work.
But what is success? It comes in three parts for me and my greatest hope is to be able to gather all three.
1. Money - to not have to wonder where my next meal is coming from, to not have to worry about paying the rent. Or to just buy myself a nice NYC apartment. (: And to be able to buy the clothes/products/shoes that I just LOOK at right now.
2. Happiness - hopefully I'll be able to keep my friends & family close as I try to struggle to the top, and hopefully the rewards will be reaped among us all. A summer in Indonesia taught me the style of Indonesian hospitality that I so respect. It is endlessly giving, thoughtful, and conscious of the needs of others. It's something that I want to be able to incorporate into my life and something that really makes me happy. ALSO, of course, the happiness of doing something that I truly love.
3. Change - am I changing the world? Am I at least changing how some people view the world, or how some people think? Am I changing myself for the better?
I guess this is my reminder to strive.
---
I'm preparing to leave Cupertino once again. Just one year ago, my mind was frantic and my thoughts were scattered. Excited but excited (and anxious) in a thousand different directions. Balance is coming to me slowly and it's going to be the main focus for me this year...
and with that
I wish us all luck. (:
7.12.2009
direction
The weekend was perfect! But hey, I'm speaking in the past tense and I still have some hours to burn before I can officially whine about it being Monday again. An adventure might be coming around...but for now I'm content with re-capping.
It's nice being around people who are goal-oriented. I was talking to C. about this today when she was here; hanging out with goal-oriented people makes me more goal-oriented. And goals are good: they give me something to direct my crazy energy towards. That's something I have to work on, usually I feel as though my energy gets wasted and I end up sitting around thinking too much and making myself sad or bored.
I'm looking forward to so much now. The rest of the summer, the trip to Asia, being home for small bursts...and then the start of my second year. First year was quite an adventure, but it seemed to lack direction. Next year I want to have things to focus on and goals to achieve. I want to work hard and feel rewarded. Next year I want to feel like I'm taking myself somewhere and making something of myself, instead of just having meaningless daily fun.
Lately my dreams have been telling me to expect disappointment or trouble...not gonna lie, this kind of frightens me because I'm in such a happy-go-lucky place in my life right now. I can't foresee any kind of discontentment on the horizon and I'm afraid that it will sneak up on me.
But I'm not worrying too much. I won't worry my life away! (:
It's nice being around people who are goal-oriented. I was talking to C. about this today when she was here; hanging out with goal-oriented people makes me more goal-oriented. And goals are good: they give me something to direct my crazy energy towards. That's something I have to work on, usually I feel as though my energy gets wasted and I end up sitting around thinking too much and making myself sad or bored.
I'm looking forward to so much now. The rest of the summer, the trip to Asia, being home for small bursts...and then the start of my second year. First year was quite an adventure, but it seemed to lack direction. Next year I want to have things to focus on and goals to achieve. I want to work hard and feel rewarded. Next year I want to feel like I'm taking myself somewhere and making something of myself, instead of just having meaningless daily fun.
Lately my dreams have been telling me to expect disappointment or trouble...not gonna lie, this kind of frightens me because I'm in such a happy-go-lucky place in my life right now. I can't foresee any kind of discontentment on the horizon and I'm afraid that it will sneak up on me.
But I'm not worrying too much. I won't worry my life away! (:
5.05.2009
a regular kind of recap
because I really haven't in a while. Lots has been going on!
I am halfway through my last quarter of freshman year and I must say it is the most hectic of them all! Besides being pretty exhausted and/or lazy 24/7 I have been occupying myself with the following...
SCHOOL
I have a midterm and a test this week and also a prospectus for my research paper. This quarter is a lot more busy work than I have ever had to deal with but I suppose it's keeping me in check so I don't completely failS on tests/papers. Although I didn't do super well on my first HumCore paper but...sigh. ): I'm currently working on a research paper about urban planning/environmental design, which is really related to the paper about new urbanism I turned in a couple weeks back...I'm gonna be an expert, seriously! And I'm actually considering urban planning as a major/minor so we'll see where this goes.
PLEDGING
Still a lil sis pledge. It's actually realllly fun and getting to know my pledge sisters and the bros is pretty cool. You learn a lot about different people/why they behave the way they do when you are thrust into an already established group of friends. I've been observing and it teaches you a lot about how to conduct yourself in the way you deem most fit...hard to explain, but I'm enjoying myself tremendously. It's always nice to have something to look forward to, and there are a lot of events that they planned for us. Fun times.
Also me and my pledge sisters went to the tattoo parlor over the weekend and got some piercings hehe. I'm probably gonna be back there sooner than I thought.
WORK
My first day of work was today! So I got up at the crack of dawn (6:30 AM) to don my UCI Dining polo and hat and really weird rubber shoes. It was pretty chill, all I really had to do was make coffee and work the register. Everyone was really nice, too, even though today was NOOB day and I was ultimate noobs. Plus I got free sushi at the end, YEE!!
Also one of my co-workers is a staff writer for the UCI paper, the New University. The editor-in-chief came in to buy coffee and we chatted for a bit and I gave him my email which MEANS I'm probably gonna be writing for the New U SOON!! Either this quarter if I have time or next year. (: Connections baby!
Besides all that not much has been going on. Summer plans are falling into place and it looks like I probably won't be taking summer school at UCI this year. What IS happening:
-GETTING MY LISENCE
-summer school at De Anza perhaps
-job. Baskin Robbins anyone?? HAHAh...
-Irvine trip to move into my apartment/stay for a while? ANY TAKERS? We can stay there and make some trips to Disneyland & the beach etc... (:
-going to Indonesia in early September
and then I guess school begins again late Sept! Time sure does fly.
It's funny reading the seniors' statuses or wall posts about college. I chanced upon an "09 goes to college" facebook group when I was avoiding doing work and it kinda made me sad. I feel old. ): I wanna be young and excited for college again! Cause all I really want to do right now is go home and be lazy. Hopefully this summer will be revitalizing enough.
Also, I reallllly want to go snowboarding. REALLLY BADLY. ):
I texted my sister earlier this week about shiiiit that was going on in my life and I'm finding more and more how similar we are. It shouldn't be surprising but I never really thought of her as someone I'd talk to about my problems. I guess we're really similar in how we deal with things and how we view things...so it's definitely nice realizing that someone who's been right beside you this whole time is actually a lot more than what you thought. NTS talk to sister more. (: But yeah she offered me this one great piece of advice: "keep your pimphand strong and be hard."
HAHAHAHA......truth.
That's pretty much it...I think I'm gonna take a nap.
I am halfway through my last quarter of freshman year and I must say it is the most hectic of them all! Besides being pretty exhausted and/or lazy 24/7 I have been occupying myself with the following...
SCHOOL
I have a midterm and a test this week and also a prospectus for my research paper. This quarter is a lot more busy work than I have ever had to deal with but I suppose it's keeping me in check so I don't completely failS on tests/papers. Although I didn't do super well on my first HumCore paper but...sigh. ): I'm currently working on a research paper about urban planning/environmental design, which is really related to the paper about new urbanism I turned in a couple weeks back...I'm gonna be an expert, seriously! And I'm actually considering urban planning as a major/minor so we'll see where this goes.
PLEDGING
Still a lil sis pledge. It's actually realllly fun and getting to know my pledge sisters and the bros is pretty cool. You learn a lot about different people/why they behave the way they do when you are thrust into an already established group of friends. I've been observing and it teaches you a lot about how to conduct yourself in the way you deem most fit...hard to explain, but I'm enjoying myself tremendously. It's always nice to have something to look forward to, and there are a lot of events that they planned for us. Fun times.
Also me and my pledge sisters went to the tattoo parlor over the weekend and got some piercings hehe. I'm probably gonna be back there sooner than I thought.
WORK
My first day of work was today! So I got up at the crack of dawn (6:30 AM) to don my UCI Dining polo and hat and really weird rubber shoes. It was pretty chill, all I really had to do was make coffee and work the register. Everyone was really nice, too, even though today was NOOB day and I was ultimate noobs. Plus I got free sushi at the end, YEE!!
Also one of my co-workers is a staff writer for the UCI paper, the New University. The editor-in-chief came in to buy coffee and we chatted for a bit and I gave him my email which MEANS I'm probably gonna be writing for the New U SOON!! Either this quarter if I have time or next year. (: Connections baby!
Besides all that not much has been going on. Summer plans are falling into place and it looks like I probably won't be taking summer school at UCI this year. What IS happening:
-GETTING MY LISENCE
-summer school at De Anza perhaps
-job. Baskin Robbins anyone?? HAHAh...
-Irvine trip to move into my apartment/stay for a while? ANY TAKERS? We can stay there and make some trips to Disneyland & the beach etc... (:
-going to Indonesia in early September
and then I guess school begins again late Sept! Time sure does fly.
It's funny reading the seniors' statuses or wall posts about college. I chanced upon an "09 goes to college" facebook group when I was avoiding doing work and it kinda made me sad. I feel old. ): I wanna be young and excited for college again! Cause all I really want to do right now is go home and be lazy. Hopefully this summer will be revitalizing enough.
Also, I reallllly want to go snowboarding. REALLLY BADLY. ):
I texted my sister earlier this week about shiiiit that was going on in my life and I'm finding more and more how similar we are. It shouldn't be surprising but I never really thought of her as someone I'd talk to about my problems. I guess we're really similar in how we deal with things and how we view things...so it's definitely nice realizing that someone who's been right beside you this whole time is actually a lot more than what you thought. NTS talk to sister more. (: But yeah she offered me this one great piece of advice: "keep your pimphand strong and be hard."
HAHAHAHA......truth.
That's pretty much it...I think I'm gonna take a nap.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)