happy _______

It seems like everyone is either totally opposed to V-day or totally celebrating. Like people’s status updates are either mopey about being single or lovey dovey, up on their SO’s nuts. Either they have extravagant, adorable plans to parade their cuteness in the candlelight or are staging “singles revolt type things”. (Sorry to pick on you, N.) Personally I really dgaf either way, it is what it is. If you need a day to be all heppy and do cute things for someone you especially like then today is the day for you! And if you need a day to gripe and whine and eat ice cream like the apocalypse is coming and calories come with no consequences then, again, go for it! Today is your day, too! Just when those without valentines are assumed to be glum on the 14th of February…it’s kind of a whuddafuck. Is society really telling us that we can only be happy if we have someone “special” in our lives? Should we REALLY be made to feel bad about being single? Stop looking for valentines, y’all. Be your own valentine.

Today my valentine is NorCal. Roses are red, violets are blue, yadayadayada, NorCal I love you. Yesterday I hung out at Donut Wheel with some homies and just sat and chatted. Something so chill and comfortable about being home, there’s no assumptions or presumptions and you just are who you are and nobody really gives a second shit. I love being home also because my parents take me out to eat the really delicious foods. Also because the stars are always nicer from here. And the guy who sells us donuts hates us as much as ever, too. It’s nice to be back.

I just don’t really care that much about today, it’s nothing really special to me. It didn’t even occur to me that today was the day to celebrate love and pink things between “intimate companions.” Congratulations if you are half of a duo! Congratulations if you are not! V-day should just be a day to eat chocolate and say haaaay to the people you like best. Though I’ve only done the former so far.

Anywho, I WOULD like to say happy lunar new year! Gong hay fat choy, send red packets my way! Hahaha I kid, I never really got much moneys from this holiday and I’ve never been one to complain. Tis the year of the tiger, which means my cousin is 12 years old. HOOOLY, time does fly. And tigers are charismatic and courageous and brave and such, so here’s to a year of tigerlicious times.

blog barf

It seems to be an appropriate time to blog, considering the fact that I found out within the span of ten shocking minutes that I have a quiz and homework due tomorrow, as well as a final on Thursday for Anthro. Good thing I didn't go to Anthro at all last week. Oh week 9, how far away and lost you are to me.

So, I sit here neglecting my "responsibilities", as I am so apt to do. Instead of getting a move on my ridiculous student life, I watched "Above and BEYONCE" (clever, right?) on Fuse for an hour as I munched on tortilla chips and fresh-made guacamole. Beyonce is the greatest diva ever and I love her.

After realizing I spent a good hour polishing off that avocado and watching Beyonce transform from her glammed out, big hair, booty shakin days to her more sleek and polished...booty shakin (complete with robot hand), I headed to my bomb shelter of a room and decided that things must be done! So I blog.

Currently I am updating my iPod after what feels like a decade of not doing so. Sometime in the summer I accidentally pressed "sync" and about half of the songs from my PC library got deleted. Every time after that when I plugged my iPod into my laptop to add new songs, more oldies disappeared. Today I am taking the plunge and recklessly deleting all my old music and resorting to only having the music from my laptop on my iPod. Will I regret this? Maybe. Probably. Because what will I ever do when I just want to listen to music from the Hairspray soundtrack?? And this actually happens more often then you would think. But hi-ho, I can't be stuck in the past forever, and no regrets, yada yada yada. I know I'm being a little dramatic for JUST an iPod but...SIGH. I had been building that library for a good four years and now it is all going to music heaven in one fell swoop. Actually it's taking kind of a long time and those rotating arrows are killing me slowly.

ANYWAY, I have also been munching on these amazing dark chocolate/peppermint bark morsels from Dove. It always confused me when I saw Dove products in the candy aisle because I was like, what? Soap? Candy? What? BUT yeah these babies are delicious. Got me thinking of making a batch of peppermint bark sometime in the future. Another great thing about these is that every wrapper comes with a quick holiday tip from MARTHA STEWART HERSELF...in the past five minutes I have eaten three (do not judge) and have received the following holiday tips from the home-ec goddess:

-Try printing your own labels to personalize holiday tins.

-Use cake stands to serve food on your buffet table.

-Keep poinsettias out of drafty spaces.

I must admit they are rather drab pieces of advice, but these little tips have me unwrapping more and more chocolates. NOT because I am a fatty and want to taste the deliciously rich chocolate and peppermint medley melting in my mouth and seeping into my system...just because I want to read what Martha has to say. I mean, she went to jail, guys. If that doesn't equal life experiences/life advice then I don't know WHAT does.

But these holiday tips do have me in a rather festive moods. Plans are formulating in my mind; plans of turning myself into a cupcake factory and delivering home made cupcakes to everyone I like (making a list, checking it twice), plans of making aforementioned peppermint bark, along with cake balls and home-made ornaments, etc. etc. etc. Just call me Martha Jr.

The thing is though, these plans will probably not come to fruition. Well, aside from the cupcakes. I mean...my apartment is bare enough as it is and the wonderland of pine garlands and twinkly lights that I dream of would take sooo much EFFORT and MONEY. And I am quite short on both. SIGH, we'll see. Finals will roll around and I will suddenly find myself with SO much time and energy to do anything (but study) so...I guess I will keep you updated on my holiday cheer-meter.

Speaking of holiday cheer....Thanksgiving was not full of it. I'm sorry, I know it's a great holiday and all, but my parents freaking took me to Reno. Las Vegas' trampy little wannabe sister. It was so, so depressing.

Thursday evening we arrived at the hotel, with the casino on the first floor as usual. It was around 6pm, right when most families are sitting down ready to carve the (hopefully moist) turkey. And the casino was populated with older, lonely people. Sipping a beer or smoking a cigarette, seated at a slot machine with no friends or smiles in sight. It was really sad. Is this what some people are destined for? And if this is how they spend their Thanksgiving you can only imagine what the rest of their days are like.

Throughout the whole trip I saw sad people like that. The over-eager waitress with thick eyeliner trying to make her Thanksgiving better than it was, the family at the buffet with fighting kids until the mother told them to "shut the fuck up".....things like that. SIGH RENO, why you bummin me out.

Maybe it's my fault for thinking about this too much and maybe they shouldn't even be pitied to begin with. Who am I to judge and say that their lives are so sad and small? Certainly it's not something I would want for myself but then again it's only a glimpse of what I see of their lives, and I'm so quick to judge and assume and pity them. For all I know they could actually be so much happier than it seems. But also maybe not.

Anyway. Recently I guess I've been doubting everything I do. And when I say everything I mean everything. Motives, consequences, every single little thing. Maybe it was sitting in the car plugged into my iPod for a grand total of like...twelve hours that did it. Too much time to think. Thinking usually means looking back and grating on myself for past mistakes and regrets, and yes I will not lie, I regret a LOT of stuff from back in the day. I don't want to go back and dig up all these past mistakes so I should just...leave them in the ground, right? So I'm so set on doing that but at the same time I can't stop looking back and wishing I did something else, said something else, chose something else.

This second guessing just leads to more second guessing in the present. And about the future, I guess. I'm asking myself too much...and things I was so sure about just a couple weeks ago seem so distant and uncertain now. I don't know what is going to bring about some solidarity in my life but maybe I should just get used to this up in the air feeling.

And speaking of up in the air...my plane ride from SJ to the OC was delightful. I love being a stranger. Absolutely adore it. And also that feeling that you get, right as you take off, when your stomach drops a little bit and you don't know whether or not you're going to die...I love that feeling. It's the uncertainty, the tiny moment that you hang in the air wondering if you're going to fall in some spectacular crash of flame and metal, or if you're going to catch the wind and soar, continue on your way. That moment gives me such peace, that moment when I feel like I might just die. This sounds really morbid. But I really like that moment -- reminiscent of a Tyler Durden "near-life experience" type thing. And I really like turbulence...and we had a lot, surprisingly.

Plane rides just make me happy in general. Feeling so far from the world below with it's grounding tendencies is refreshing and I love being in the air away from it all. The houses slowly getting back to regular size always bums me out a little bit.

I talked with my friend about plans today. He's a meticulous planner, very methodical, very thought-out, and he always follows through with his plans. Whereas I am a planner, but have much less follow-through. I don't know whether to consider this a good or bad thing, I guess there are some moments for both sides. Just that....the plans I have right now...I really want them to happen. And it scares me knowing my tendencies.

But I've made some recent changes.

I am going to stay busy as to avoid this over-thinking. Because thinking makes me dig holes and then I dig giant holes and then I find that I am stuck in these giant holes. Instead, I will keep busy, eat chocolate, and study more. YES.

I've also decided to be a vegetarian. As of today I have not eaten meat for 5 days, I am winning.

I think that's about it...I just got an invitation to go shopping at Nordstrom (WITH AN EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT) and I don't know how to handle this. Hyperventilating. Really wanting to buy shit that I don't really need. Must study. OMG, BRAIN EXPLOSION.

back to reality

I have been home for less than one hour and already I have made five separate lists of things to do before I go back to Irvine. SIGH, back to reality much?

My last night in Singapore I tossed and turned, insomnia-stricken, my mind running wild with tons of things to write about -- the trip, my experiences, observations, resolutions, etc...but now I'm kind of lazy. I just want to sit and be home for a while, vegetate for a bit. Real blog coming tomorrow I guess. I only have a week before I'm back at school sooo...busy days ahead! (:

more looking back

2007 was a great year.

I feel like I used to be funny, but am not anymore. I don't feel interesting or weird anymore. DID I LOSE IT?

edit/
I didn't mean this post to sound like I was fishing for compliments or reassurance. Now when I read it that's what I see...haha that's my bad. I guess it was a temporary fall into nostalgia/insecurity.

A skype session with T/M in Davis and A/C at my house reminded me to not look sadly upon the past. The conversation with A and C also reassured me how much I've grown since 2007 or whenever, really...and the time that has passed and the lessons that came with it should be something that I value rather than look upon nostalgically. I still miss things, though.

Anyway. Best of luck to A...and to all of us I guess. (:

be still

Today was a weird day for me. I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Lucky for me there are things in my life that can easily change that. For instance, this amazing view with these amazing people...I wanted to freeze time and sit there for eternity, not saying a word. Like I said before, sometimes things just feel right.

And sometimes it feels like the world is whizzing by. People are going to college soon and I'm embarking on this rather epic Asia-journey in a little over a week. The summer is passing by faster than I expected -- but each moment is rich and valued so I don't really feel at a loss. Some things are falling into place, which I'm enjoying. And the things that aren't...I don't really miss. I feel a definite change in myself and others. Change is good.

And something I learned: sometimes I need to just be quiet and appreciate. It's usually my instinct to have something to say...but sometimes silence speaks for itself. Right?

flight

It felt like freedom. Sometimes, things just feel right.
I can't really express how good it was to just be on the ice again...but I liked the challenge.
And something about physically falling and getting up and trying again is so...simple and nice.



Waking up sore this morning was a good feeling. I want this back.
It made me happy in a way that I haven't been for a while..



Thanks C for documenting, thanks B for the accompaniment and opportunity. (:

closer

Closer to my dreams
I'm gettin' higher
I feel it in my sleep
I said I'm gettin' higher
And closer to my dreams
Sometimes it feels like I'll never move on
Closer to my dreams

-Closer, Drake ft. Andreena Mill

---

So lately I've been talking and thinking about the future, the way that young people usually do. Within my friend group, I feel like there is so much potential and so many opportunities and I can't wait to see my friends succeed. Imagining where we'll be 10 years from now is such a trip. I want to see everyone grow up and fulfill their dreams.

Because now we actually CAN chase our dreams. As C and I wound around darkening roads last night, we talked about growing up and realizing that you can actually go after what you want. As children, there were always things that we desired, but we didn't have the means to go about and acquire them. As we grow up freedom is handed to us, through licenses, keys, connections, jobs, skills...etc. The only thing we have to do is actually utilize what we have to get what we want. That's growing up, I guess. Having less restrictions and being more able to get to where you want to be.

But restrictions will always exist...and lately, it seems that they especially like to exist in my life, at least at home. There's so much that I want to do but when I'm at home, my life gets smaller. I have a curfew, and I have to ask permission, and I am dependent. It's nice to "marinate" and relax I guess, but I'm in an ambitious sort of mood, so sitting at home just frustrates me.

Right now I just can't wait to escape. The family trip coming up is definitely something I'm looking forward to, I love travel and I know this trip will provide me some sights and sounds that will give me a lot to think about. Even more though, I want to be back at Irvine. Being home has made me realize how much more I can DO in Irvine, and all the opportunities I need to take advantage of. So I want to be there while I'm still in this "get things done" mood.

swing swing

Something about swinging is so calming for me. Maybe it's the combination of good company and good conversation, set under a real blue summer night's sky pierced with stars and a glowing moon. I love the park after dark, it's a little more haunting and less innocent than by the light of day.

Today was a typical summer day followed by a typical summer night. I spent the day sitting around, trying to be productive but half-assing it. And then I started feeling bad for never getting things done while people around me are chasing their dreams. So I resolved to have no more of these type of days. They occur too often, and more and more, they expose the fact that it is only me standing in my own way. Why am I stopping myself?

Baby steps, I guess. I did accomplish a little bit today. Very slowly started on the route to (FINALLY!!!) getting my license, with a little help from T. I also researched the study abroad program that I hope to be participating in next summer. Six to seven weeks in France sounds like a dream come true. I'm looking forward to making this trip happen. I really can't wait to get back to Irvine and start setting the wheels in motion.

I think the trouble I have is thinking for the present. I'm so obsessed with the future and the goals, but I don't really think about the steps leading up to it. Simultaneously I analyze the past and reflect upon what HAS happened instead of what IS happening. How do I take these thoughts on the past/future and translate them into my present? If I find this out, I think I'll be a lot happier with who I am.

Jason Mraz's blog led me to a name-analyzing website today. For the most part it was pretty accurate, especially the part about being independent and striving to have experiences. And the interest waning quickly...and even the frustration/rebelliousness was pretty on point. And here's the punch: "Although the name Chery creates an active mind and a restless urge to explore new ideas, we emphasize that it causes a restless intensity that defies relaxation."

A restless intensity? I guess I can relate. So will relaxation be denied to me for the rest of my lifetime? Something to think about. Interesting site.

nostalgia

When did our present turn into the past? Is it instantaneous, the second it's over it becomes the past? There are times that feel like just yesterday that I realize are so far gone.

I ran into some old family friends today after lunch. We passed by casually, not recognizing one another after the lapse of not seeing each other for a couple years. Turning around I realized that it really was them, so I caught up with them and WOW what a trip. I remember baby-sitting the two kids, and now they're fourteen and eleven. One of them is taller than my sister, thankfully still shorter than me (just by an inch). She's about to start high school, if you can call it that. She's homeschooling because she is a tennis SUPERSTAR. Caps lock necessary.

Time really flies...we used to see each other a lot, they were like the little siblings I never had. Maybe I'm being extra nostalgic, I just miss those olden days.

And I miss the golden age -- I didn't really think about it until yesterday, high school was pretty outrageous. So many good times, and it felt so unique and fresh. Just the people I surrounded myself with had such a different feel than the people I meet in college. College life can be pretty cookie-cutter at times. Yeah it's fun, but don't we all get tired of it? I'm looking for someone(s) to flip that around and bring back the glory days of high school, except college style. Does that make sense? High school life just felt more interesting.

Maybe college is just a lull. The empty space between the fun of high school and the grind of post-college life. A time to realize your goals, make connections (but not relationships), and start building yourself a foundation. This post is making college sound SO dull, which it really is not...I'm just being nostalgic, I suppose.


<3 Gabe Bondoc.

homes

Being back home is different. In all honesty, I'm confused at which "home" is my main home now. Irvine pulls me back the way Cupertino pulled me back when I was in Irvine...it's kind of painful to constantly be in this limbo. I find myself wondering what I'd be doing if I was in Irvine. But here, let's not ponder the might-have-beens, rather, let's focus on recent ponderings of being back home...

First off, I'm going to whine a little bit. Grievances about home include:
-weak showerhead
-lack of my regular beauty products (SIGH Aussie shampoo, I MISS YOU DEARLY)
-curfew....sucks major ass.
-I feel extra poor here, even though in Irvine I was making very little bank.

Anyway...being home is extra nice right now. It's like a fresh breath of air, time to gather yourself and re-focus. It's nice having something to look forward to and consistently work at, too (HOLLA DANCE BISCUITS) hahah.

Also, I think everyone is taking notice of each other more. Some things feel a lot closer. I find myself being much more open with people too, maybe the physical distance made me realize how important they actually are in my life. I'm kind of rambling, it's late...

Living life in chunks is easier to do.

let me get my theme music

just forget everything that you know
let's take it all the way back to hello
they say you living like you died before
i got a place that only i can go...

---

SUMMER (:

Although I have been under house arrest for the past couple days I managed to leave the house today. And it was GLORIOUS! I love being home with these people. They get my endorphins up, you guys are my endorphrends. Sorry. I feel like I am on crack right now.

I'm excited to go back to Irvine too, though. Always this limbo.

I thought this blog would be more cohesive and thoughtful, but I just wanna have fun right now. Summer summer summmmmerrrrrr. Best word in the dictionary.

the cusp

Thus ends my freshman year at UC Irvine. Although I'm not moved out yet (quite the contrary in fact) everything has winded down. My roommate moved out today at 3; unfortunately, I wasn't around to bid her goodbye. I returned to half a barren room. The other side was as opposite of barren as possible, starting me on this endless task of packing my many many belongings. My freshman year lies forlornly around me, taking up more space than I can afford. Posters, quotes, random bits of memorabilia that my packrat self has decided to stow away. I suppose I feel some sort of success, looking back upon it all. But I think that's mostly because I tried so much, failed so much, and learned so much in turn.

I could go into details about personal growth and all that miscellaneous blabber but that's a more private entry that requires a bit more thought and reflection on my part. I haven't really sat down and thought about how I've changed over the past year, and I don't think it's something that can really be listed anyway. The important thing is I'm taking the lessons with me; hopefully they'll remind me to screw my head on straight.

The fact is, I know I've changed. We've all changed. It's surreal to think that just one year ago we were wearing those bedsheets they call graduation gowns, filled with an exuberance about the "last" summer in Cupertino and the adventures that the fall would bring us. Looking at all the pictures of 2009 graduating and going to prom and SANP is strange. It makes me feel old and irrelevant. And it feels like they're tresspassing on something that I've staked as my own claim; those events should belong to me and 2008. It's hard to realize that everyone has their own memories and everyone makes it what it is for themselves. It's hard to realize how important their graduation is to them, when the 2008 graduation is the only one that bears any significance for me. But of course this is always how it is, you're looking into the fishtank most of the time, and on special occasions you are the fish. Once you're outside the tank again it's weird to look at the fish and think it was you, just moments ago.

Enough with the far-fetched analogy. There are definitely similarities between June 2008 and June 2009. For instance, I am sick. Graduation last year I was feeling feverish, and what resulted was a rather miserable (but memorable nonetheless) SANP, and then a week of recovery. I guess I can't stop myself from going full speed at the end of the year. It's always jam-packed and I'm not good at slowing down and taking care of myself. These "ends" will never happen again, right? Might as well make it memorable and suffer the consequences later. Full speed ahead! (:

I'm worried about coming home though. I don't want to be sick for the one week I have at home, sandwiched between long stays in Irvine. I have so much I want to do in that one week that being bed-ridden would completely KILL me! So I'm stocking up on vitamin C and pounding my body with fluids. And I'm not one to rely on medicine, but I have some Motrin in my bag. Just in case of emergency.

Besides that, I'm really excited for this summer. I know I won't be staying in one place for long, essentially I'm splitting my time between Irvine, Cupertino, and Indonesia. But I've always liked the jet-setting lifestyle and I hope the shortness of my stays will prevent me from becoming lazy and putting off things that I want to do. It does suck that I won't be able to spend more time in NorCal, but there's no fighting it now I guess. This is the first fragmented summer of many to come, I feel. In a way it's good: these short bursts of home keep reminding me of how good it is for me and keep me wanting more. I leave just when I'm really appreciating it, and it draws me back like nothing else.

Home just sounds so good right now. My dorm is empty and I can finally be unabashedly myself: singing Taylor Swift as I pack, being the messy and loud person that I naturally am without infringing on the comfort of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, but we all need our own space. And alone time was so limited this year. It was hard to sit and just BE, to wind down and re-achieve zen. To type a nice long blog and listen to music full blast. This is what home offers to me in my mind: a place where I can be myself without worrying. Sorry guys, I know I'm weird, but I know they've accepted my quirks and I've accepted theirs. This mutual understanding is what makes home that much more precious, no more judgements and the knowledge that they'll be there through thick and thin. The comfortable-as-you-are ambiance is something that Irvine lacks for a large part and is what I miss most.

Finals ended last night at 9pm (just as the Lakers won...) and I spent the night packing, playing tetris, and slowly burning up. I went to bed with a fever and chills, hating myself for having such a sad immune system. I woke up feeling better though, and I went to an Obey warehouse sale and shopped shopped shopped! I'm terrible at saving money, but hey, I deserved this. Today I packed and helped friends move, hung out a little bit and stressed over the swollen-ness of my stupid lymph nodes. (Is that what they are?) Tonight I'm hanging out with pledge sisters and the bros, and having a sleepover in Monique's room hopefully. The last kick! And tomorrow morning my parents are coming to pick me up. Hopefully I'll be completely packed and I can just throw my stuff in the car and BOUNCE!

I am so ecstatic that summer is here! It tastes like sweet tea from chick-fil-a and sounds like the laughter of friends and music on full blast. It smells like chlorine and ocean and Chipotle and frozen yogurt. It looks like a great view from Highway 9, a sunset over the beach, sunny days wherever I am. I can't wait to see my friends, and my family, and to recuperate and not worry about jack squat! ANTICIPATION! I have high hopes for Summer 2009 and I won't let myself down. (: (longboarding, DJing, being tan, getting my hair back to regular color, exercising, cooking, scrapbooking, finding dorm decor, industrial bar piercing?, bonfires, BAKING, beach trips, SF, dance choreos, sleepovers, camping, shopping, making bank, karaoke, bowling, swimming, movie marathons, piano, ice skating, reading, vegetating, eating too much, sitting around doing nothing with people who mean everything (:...etc.)

I'm such a rambler. This blog is way too long. Time to get back to packing!
HOME SOON!!! (:

I'm on a bus

motherfuckers, take a look at me.

YES! The title is indeed true, because I am blogging to you live from the Vietnamese Bus*. Slash Highway Five. It's a great day out here on the highway for a number of reasons:
1. the sun is shining! (even though I can't feel it and all the shades are drawn..)
2. I just found out this bus has wifi. LEGIT
3. the Jacki Chan movie about the Tuxedo is playing...which is a huge upgrade from Miss Vietnam Global. (Although I do love a good pageant show)
and of course,
4. "I'm On A Boat" has been stuck in my head for the past 3-4 hours, except the remixed version that my head created, "I'm On A Bus"...it's pretty great.
All in all a successful trip thus far. My estimated arrival time in Irvine is probably around 4 or 5, and from there I have a nice lonely evening and perhaps a kickback to attend if plans legitimize. (Is that even a word?)

*For those of you who are interested, I skipped out on the sandwich after finding out that it really is actually ground liver. And no, there is no nail salon. Unfortunate, my nails could use some work.

I just looked out my window....SHIET, MIDDLE CAL! D: Shoot me now. This giant bus is gonna kill so many butterflies and bugs. And there are no nice trees and hills for me to entertain my eyes with. Which leads me to the second list of my blogpost:

Why NorCal is Far Superior (from both SoCal and MidCal, if that even counts as a segment of Cal.)
1. THE AIR. So much more fresh, crisp, clean, more adjectives that remind you of a salad. Honestly, I can see LA from some parts in Irvine and it looks kind of like Mordor. Smog is no fun, kids.
2. Trees. There are a LOT more trees. And it's just a lot more dense and green and lush. Plus we have the REAL trees (ie Redwoods) not the wimpy little trees that I don't know the names of. They're nice too, but Redwoods will always be my favorite.

3. Hills. I never really noticed, but Cupertino is constantly receiving a giant hug from the hills on pretty much all sides. And they are GREEN and fabulous. I just want to run up all of them and sing about how the hills are alive with the sound of music. But then I remind myself that I am not in that great shape and I am also not Julie Andrews, so I will content myself with driving up the hills with my friends (HOLLA highway 9!). NorCal has soo many great lookout spots; perhaps I'm just not well acquainted with Irvine enough to know where the good spots are, but so far the only place I know of is the top floor of the parking structure. WIN.


4. Character. I feel like NorCal is not as manufactured and planned as SoCal. Especially Irvine, which was plotted out specifically and planned meticulously by the Irvine Company. Hooray for having a Utopian style town (bleh) but um...I like towns and cities that grow. I can't really explain it, but just looking around the streets of NorCal you KNOW that there's character and stories and growing. SoCal just feels too materialistic and image-conscious.
5. They say we have nothing, but honestly we have everything. We have the Bay. The beaches, the hills, and everything in between. We have great cities like SF and we have Santa Cruz and scenery and real trees...and we have Tahoe! Although that is kind of a drive.
6. NorCal has tons of Priuses! I saw one that was painted really nicely; it was an ocean scene I think? Then it blended into a rainbow. THE POINT IS we are environment-friendly! Unlike Mordor and those smog producing Orcs. I hardly ever see Priuses in SoCal and when I do it makes me a little happy inside. Haha.
7. The people. This one is kind of a given.


Which leads me to the discussion of a most fabulously-spent holiday. It's hard to believe that a little less than a week ago, Nate, Crystal and I were careening down this same highway, killing bugs without a thought, heading for HOME and friends and happiness. I can honestly say, although this break seems to be ending prematurely, it was very well spent in great company. It just fits, like puzzle pieces nawmean? I guess I didn't truly realize the significance of HOME before this break, I don't know why. I have a lot more to say on this subject but as it is, this blogpost is already quite long and I know that if I got into the details it would be more self-reflective boring-for-you-to-read material. So I will hold off on that and write about random things instead.

The guy sitting catty corner from me was writing in his moleskine earlier. I wanted to pat him on the head, but I held myself back. I'm giving Nate a holla by using his fave phrase, "catty corner." And when I was asking how to spell it, this greatness happened:
N: catty and kitty are also exceptable
C: okay
C: ACCEPTABLE*
C: SHIET SON, YOU JUST GOT CORRECTED
N: shiit
C: I AM GOING TO BLOG ABOUT THIS.

So I did. Also he gave a really weak excuse:
N: I woke up like an hour ago so gimme a break

Hahaha, oh meepkins. Not getting off that easy. This is a victory that I am going to relish forever. CHyeah I just immortalized it into my blogspot. What now.

Last night I had a dream that I was on my way to class and I got a phone call from a mystery number. I picked it up, and it was none other than JASON MRAZ. He was calling to tell me that he wanted me to dance in his music video or something. And do you know what I said???? "Can I call you back later? I'm in class."
I take that as a really good sign for my grades next quarter. You don't just turn down Jason Mraz! I was surprised at my dream-self when I woke up.

Anyway, spring break was The Shit minus some sourness with my parents that I can forget about. I am re-energized for the hardest quarter this year, and I'm ready to work hard and slack off less. Being home reminded me that there are good people in the world and that there are reasons to prove yourself and have ambitions. It was just the breath of fresh air that I needed.

edit// 4pm
In my dorm room! Just added some pics...and this is me at the end of the Vietnamese bus trip:


YAY

comfortable

So I'm a little ashamed that my friends conjured up such delicious New Years posts and I didn't. But also, I'm thankful that they did so I could mooch on the memories and be happy that I'm present in some of the pictures, hoorah! Haha props to all of you for coming up with such good posts, they will definitely be revisited in the coming late nights of college.

I said goodbye to Cupertino (technically, Santa Clara) this morning at around 10 instead of the projected 7 AM. How typical of me and my family, oh well. Like I mentioned earlier it's going to be the first full quarter without a break to go home, but I'm hoping that I will succeed at the saving of monies so I can visit SD and Davis sometime this quarter, and then head over to the Atlantic side of our country to visit some fools over spring break. So it won't be that bad.

Somehow though, this long and unbroken span of 10 weeks does not seem as daunting. I'm certain that leaving home in September was a lot more panic-attack-inducing for me, probably because of how everything was kind of in the air. Nobody really knew who was going to keep in touch with who, nobody knew what it would be like to actually come home, nobody knew who was going to change drastically, and plus it was the first time we were all apart for a long span of time etc, and I guess that was stressful because we were all so accustomed to just being us, set in our ways, that when a giant thing like college got thrown into the equation, we all kind of shivered in our underpants.

Thankfully, I've acquired a sense of comfort when it comes to thinking about home now. Winter break was important for me in helping me realize that we can all come back and be the same indecisive, hungry, and laid-back people. It's more fun, actually, because now we all have our own stories to tell. And I'm comfortable now, leaving home. Because I know that who matters to me at home will still matter to me despite the distance, and I know that everyone is just a text message or toxbox chat away. This is comforting, and so I'm not as sad to depart as I could potentially be. Stability is nice.

Anyway, sentimental portion of the post is over. Haha! I'm just sitting here in my LA hotel room after my short venture into Koreatown with my family. I pretty much conked out the whole way here, so as my parents nap, I search for interesting times on the internets.

To sum it all up, winter break was gold. Just like old times, plus some nipple-biting. HAHAHA

end of an era

As Natalie brought to my attention last night during the countdown, this year was the last year we could wear those spiffy "2009" glasses. Cause next year we'll be ringing in 2010 and there will be an awkward line hanging in the middle of your face and a 2 all alone by your ear, and this imbalance is definitely a no-no. So sad, so sad. But I guess we'll all just deal with it. haha

Happy 2009, guys! (:

So for most of us, "our" year of 2008 is over. Sad, I know. 2008 was a pretty great year from the start, filled with fun times & friendship & growth, yay. I feel like we are all really growing up! We graduated high school and all went off to college and started learning (hopefully) and having fun (duh) independent of each other and our previous MV lives.

People tend to do these "best of last year" moments at the start of a new year, but my memory is too crappy for me to recollect all the times that made me happiest. Thank goodness for photographs, or these countless happy times would probably be lost forever within the tangled realms of my mind. Thanks for being a part of my fantabulous 2008 though, everyone. (: I truly wouldn't change a thing!

I am ready to kick some ass in 2009. I know I'm never good at sticking to New Years Resolutions, but I always make them anyway. I feel like I learned a lot in 2008 and my resolutions just involve some things to keep in mind more often than I did in 08. So it should be easier to keep them this year...right? Please?

Winter break is pretty much over! ): Half of my to-do list remains unchecked, but there is a lot more that happened than I ever thought to list so I am not going to be a baby and whine. There is always spring break, unless I visit the east coast which is a possibility? Unsure. How strange, though...this will be the first quarter I go through straight without a little break to come home. 10 whole weeks! Ah well, absence makes the heart grow fonder...and hopefully by the time I come back to NorCal, it won't be so damn cold.

I realize I spent a lot of time this break just sitting at home doing whatever I wanted. Reading, watching TV/movies, writing, taking long baths, haha. When you write it all down like that it seems like I had a pretty unproductive break but I think it was some well-deserved me-time, offset by the hangout sessions with friends who keep me sane & happy. Hoo-hah. Win all around!

2009, here I come!

christmas day

Merry Christmas, all!

Is it just me, or is Christmas rather uneventful? This isn't necessarily a negative thing, believe me, I appreciate the uneventful days just as much as the days jam-packed with fun. But in my history, Christmas has always been a day when everyone just sits back and takes a breath. Which is good; most of us are living life too quickly without truly appreciating the present.

I woke up nice and late today, quite a change from the days when my sister and I would wake up at six in the morning to start opening presents. Presents were not a focus this year; I guess the real gift of the season is that I'm with my family and friends. Cheesy, perhaps, but I truly couldn't be any happier. Plus, gifts can be overrated. Cards, on the other hand, are too often underrated. I appreciate a heartfelt and well-written card much more than the big box attached...because cards are for keeps! And I like reading what other people write.

Plus, I keep cards for ages and ages. I still have birthday cards from when I was in seventh grade packed away, and any letters I get are stored similarly. I stumbled upon a letter I received from my pen-pal soldier in April 2007 and it made me wonder where he is and how he's doing...I hope he's with his loved ones. I can't remember why we lost contact. And I will admit, it worries me a tad.

Anyway, after a delicious Christmas lunch (my mom went all out and cooked rack of lamb, mmm!) I went driving with my dad. Quality father-daughter bonding time, no? I haven't practiced driving in quite a while so I was a little rusty to begin with, but I got more and more comfortable as I continued practicing. License, here I come! License is one of the words I spell incorrectly ALL the time. Thank goodness for Firefox's spell check feature.

My family + Crystal (who actually might be a distant relation, hahahah) are leaving for Tahoe early tomorrow morning. I can't wait to hit the slopes once more! Hopefully I won't fall on my face and be a complete failure and then some, but as I learned today with my driving, going back to something you haven't done in a while isn't easy as pie.

I hope you all had happy days as well. (:

it is hard to type

because my fingers are so cold. Haha, I exaggerate. But it is thirty-six degrees in Cupertino. It should not be this cold. Is this allowed?

Despite this BITING cold weather, I am actually enjoying myself, and hoping for rain for once in my life. Because rain usually means snow at higher/colder elevations, correct? And that means that we can take another trip up Montebello and frolic in the snow once more! I was there just a couple nights ago and there was a bit of it that hadn't melted yet. YAY! (:

Besides the late night hill adventures, Donut Wheel has been frequented twice in the past two days. The first night, I went with Richa and Tiffo and we got kicked out by the worker in cropped denim. He was giving us death glares all night, probably for our excessive laughter. Also the fact that we made fun of his "NO GAMES" sign might have been a factor. But still, we felt like badasses. And we were there for a good hour before he kicked us out, so no real loss. Haha. The second night I went with Meher, Katherine, Crystal, and Kevin and we managed to not get kicked out! He did, however, give us our donuts in take-out bags, probably an indication that our company was NOT welcome. Oh well.

The mall has also been quite a popular hot spot for me! And by hot spot, I mean a place where I somehow lose money surprisingly quickly. I need to be better at this. But I'm stimulating our economy! That's what I keep telling my dad, haha. Mr. Chiang taught me well last year.

Being home makes me happy. And it sucks to be stupid and not realize how much your friends really mean to you and how much fun you have doing nothing with them and how much they make you smile until you have to be ripped apart from them for a good four months. But hi, I'm stupid, and I kind of just realized now how awesome my friends are. Congrats, stay friends with me plzthx.

Winter break is pretty much just what I needed right now.

here again

I don't know whether or not I'm at home when I'm at Cupertino still! And in all honesty I'm not even in Cupertino, I'm in Santa Clara. Which causes confusion for poor little me. I live way too far. ):

I feel like wherever you go there will just be people you love and who (hopefully) love you back. That's where home is, I guess.

I think I'm in an incredibly crappy mood! But I will push on, regardless.

SO fall quarter is over, and I did learn a lot. Not necessarily book-knowledge but like...life knowledge. Haha, hooray for experience beating you in the face with a brick. That was a little harsh, fall quarter was nothing like that! I coasted along for the most part with some bumps along the way, but that is generally how things go for me anyhow.

Lessons learned?
1. Know how to focus on yourself and what you need to take care of. IE, if you have class early in the morning the next day, do NOT stay up until 4am with people who don't have class until the afternoon. Not really the best idea.
2. Don't spend so much money. Seriously. I NEED A JOB.
3. Eating ramen overly much isn't really the best idea. Not really.
4. TIME MANAGEMENT is crucial! But we have all heard that one before, duh.
5. Yes, college is different. Adjustments must be made, do not be so surprised/naive.

Goals for next quarter:
-sign up for dance classes
-go to the ARC regularly
-work on not eating super late at night
-work on not staying up super late, for that matter.
-be on top of my schoolwork

Okay...I'm done but not really. Boo. I think a really nice long nap would help me. I'm not in the cheeriest of spirits. \=

never satisfied?

I actually really miss Irvine.

So it's weird to be home, because now I feel like Irvine is my home. I LIVE there...and I feel like I'm staying at a hotel here. I don't know where anything is in my new house and I haven't even been around that much to get to know it better. Plus, in about 24 hours my belongings will be packed away again and I will be flying south.

Don't get me wrong, I totally love seeing everyone. I realized how much I missed my friends when I first saw them and I got that super excited feeling in my throat/stomach and it's just like YAY! Still though, it's weird being here. I think winter break will be less strange because it'll be a lot longer and hanging out won't be so forced/rushed. We'll just go with the flowww.

Seriously, though. Is this how it's going to be from now on? Am I going to have to be torn between Cupertino and Irvine, always? Norcal or Socal? And why am I never happy where I am? When I'm in Irvine I want to be in Cupertino with my old friends. When I'm here, I want to be in Irvine with my new friends. Satisfaction is so hard to come by. I think what I really missed is a time that I can never really get back, when college wasn't really part of the equation and we all just had one home and we weren't flying around the world. The one-ness of it made things so easy. And now that this singularity is ruined it's difficult to be satisfied with what you have...cause it'll always be different from what it was before.

Now would be the perfect time for a cheesy line...but I say screw that. It's completely your outlook and your take on life that matters, so make it count and make sure you're being honest to yourself.

I'm all over the placeee.

And this is not really a Thanksgiving post at all. So here is a list of things I am thankful for:
1. Friends being at home in Cupertino and in Irvine.
2. TRUE friends who are more like family. Oh, and family.
3. Home cooked meals.
4. UCI and the amazing people I have met and the opportunities that are offered to me.
5. Good sales and good shopping. Plus, the ability that nice, new clothes have to make me happy. NO I'm not shallow.
6. Jack in the Box and their extensive and satisfying menu.
7. Weekends.

Most of all, I am thankful that I have a mind of my own and that I can pave my own way through life and do my own thing, that I can learn for myself and choose for myself. This freedom is incredible and not to be overlooked.

takeoffs and landings

I left Irvine today for the first time in two months, and I have to say it was quite a strange experience. My hall was gradually emptying out and so I said goodbye to my friends and headed to the airport. Irvine was really sunny and warm and I was pretty much giddy with excitement to be heading back to NorCal. My flight got delayed though -- but it wasn't enough to put a damper on my cheery spirits.

I love the feeling you get in your stomach when you take off or when you land. And I love looking out the window and seeing clouds stretching out before you as far as the eye can see, like a friendly ocean of soft comfort and luxury! The sky was tinted pink by the setting sun, creating an image all the more beautiful and appealing.

A short nap later and I was awoken by the pilot's voice telling the passengers that we were arriving in San Jose shortly. Looking out the window, I saw a very different scene. It was dark, and lights from the ground were barely breaking through the heavy fog and clouds to cast a soft glow. After I exited the airport I saw that the ground was wet and the air heavy with moisture. It was cold, much colder than SoCal and I somehow rejoiced in this difference. It made me feel at home, even though I really dislike cold weather and rain.

I finally got to see my new home! I enjoy it a lot, although the distance from my friends is a little annoying and stressful. I had a super nice Asian dinner with my family and then got to see everyone again!! Also, I spent $70 at Target. I'm glad that nothing has changed.

Samantha, Kathy, Hermes, Nate and I met up at Tartini and were joined by Meher, Arjun, and Andy after a bit. I punched Sam in the face....haha. NO GOOD. But it was seriously SO nice to just be with everyone again. Just hanging out and talking and doing nothing as always...it's comforting to be able to come back to the same (but different) people. I don't know how to explain, it just made me really happy seeing these familiar people.

I got to hang out with Natalie at Arjun's house too! And Crystal, for a bit...and I saw Paulina for a second. Really not a bad first night at all, and plans for tomorrow are definitely forming fast.

I love being at home and I love knowing that most of my friends are back in Cuptown sleeping in their own homey beds tonight. Maybe I'm in a super cheesy mood but DAMN I love you guys! Seriously...ok, I'll stop before I make you guys gag. But I would just like to close by saying that I am VERY excited for the coming three days! And then Sunday will just be sad all over again but I don't have to think about that till later. (: