There's makeup on the pillow from the nights I'm out too late
There are plans and thoughts in my mind, cause I can't seem to wait
for things to keep on happening, I need to set the pace
but they say to take it slow, this life is not a race
---
More and more, the every day roller coaster is teaching me how to depend on myself and where to find the people to truly count on. I feel like I'm living the Sex & the City life cause right now the guys in my life are kinda whaaack. My close girl friends are so fun to chill with or go out on adventures with or cause trouble with...and it's really different from kicking it with boys, obviously. It's so weird cause it's kinda opposite from home-life, but I like both. I CAN HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS, TOO!
Which brings me to the point that I kind of have been really liking Miley Cyrus the past couple of days. Today I watched the Hannah Montana movie (and kind of secretly loved it). "See you again" has been on repeat lately, it's so fun to dance to hehe. SHH GUYS, this is a big secret. I told myself I would never like Miley but oh well.
Cause HONESTLY honestly, we all have our Hannah Montana sides! HAHA this is maybe one of the lamest analogies I've ever made but...I totally get it. We all have that interior that only a few people know. And I especially feel that there's a switch that I turn on when I go to parties or hang out with people. I feel like a different person. There's a select few here who know both sides to the story, and I think I'm going to keep it that way for now.
SO you know how there's that saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea"? Metaphorically, I totally understand. But yesterday I went grunion running and there were like...no fish in the sea. I was in the ocean for like 1+ hour getting DRENCHED (and loving it) and we caught one fish. We meaning the people who caught me and J. on our way to doing our laundry and convinced us to go with them to Seal Beach. Sigh, summer adventures...that result in late nights...and sleepy days...and bad grades on stats tests. BOO.
But yeah basically grunions are fish, once a year they come in to mate and when the waves come in they wash up on the beach and stuff. There were SO many people out trying to catch them, it was pretty crazy! I loved just being in the ocean at night, it just feels like another world. I got completely soaked and it was exhilirating.
So that brings my beach count for the summer up to a measly 2. Both were rather spontaneous nighttime adventures. Once was with A., a new friend(?). We'll see.
Honestly, tonight there are so many things I could do and I love that. But I'm kind of excited to take a breather and take it slow...for once, right? I haven't had much down time lately, there are people to see and things to do. I don't get a chance to write as often and I think my skills are definitely going down the drain. It's a scribbled thought accompanying my morning ramen or sandwiched between my late-night teeth-brushing and KO on the pillow.
I'm very excited to see C. tomorrow. (:
I can't control my train of thought right now! It's definitely de-railed. So I'll make some lists, cause that is what I am good at.
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LATELY:
-I'm not a very romantic person.
-We're all a little bit racist.
-The Exorcist was not that scary.
-I feel low when I feel like there are no options.
-This is more of an opinion...but I think my cupcakes are better than Sprinkles. Maybe I just got a big ego (cue music)
---
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
---
GOALS:
summer:
-learn how to read palms (holla Arjun. hahah)
-get a bike, bike to Newport
-maybe run a 5k.
-learn how to play Ego and The Climb on the piano
-get back to ice skating
next year:
-formal rush but don't pledge
-join ASUCI
-write for the New U
-or join the yearbook
-Snowboard club?
-learn how to DANCE!
-join an environmental friendly club
-get into SPOP
---
This was the most random blog ever...
7.10.2009
7.03.2009
expectations
No matter what you do, it's never going to be what you expected.
I need to stop trying so hard to plan and pursue these images in my mind...life is so much easier if you just roll with the punches and approach each day with a blank slate.
Life is good in Irvine. Every day is a different adventure and I'm constantly meeting new people, which is keeping me happy. I think I'm the type of person who just always needs these new situations and people to keep me interested. If life gets boring, I get sad. And then I start thinking too much, and we all know how bad that is. I like being in Irvine cause I'm always occupied...home gets a bit too mellow sometimes.
Today I went to Costco and had free samples. SO GOOD. I resolve to go there for lunch on the weekends. I am a poor college student and their food is good, so it seems like a pretty obvious decision right?
I need to stop trying so hard to plan and pursue these images in my mind...life is so much easier if you just roll with the punches and approach each day with a blank slate.
Life is good in Irvine. Every day is a different adventure and I'm constantly meeting new people, which is keeping me happy. I think I'm the type of person who just always needs these new situations and people to keep me interested. If life gets boring, I get sad. And then I start thinking too much, and we all know how bad that is. I like being in Irvine cause I'm always occupied...home gets a bit too mellow sometimes.
Today I went to Costco and had free samples. SO GOOD. I resolve to go there for lunch on the weekends. I am a poor college student and their food is good, so it seems like a pretty obvious decision right?
6.26.2009
I wish I wrote these words
Mraz got there first.
A Beautiful Mess
you've got the best of both worlds
you're the kind of girl who can take down a man
and lift him back up again
you are strong but you're needy
humble but you're greedy
and based on your body language and shoddy cursive i've been reading
your style is quite selective
though your mind is rather reckless
well i guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is.
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like picking up trash in dresses
well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
kind of turn themselves into knives
and don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
but i like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
cause here we are
here we are
although you are biased, i love your advice
your comebacks they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities
there's no shame in being crazy
depending on how you take these words i'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like picking up trash in dresses
well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
kind of turn themselves into blades
kind and courteous is a life i've heard
but it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
oh, dear
cause here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
we're still here
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like taking a guess
when the only answer is yes
and through timeless words
and priceless pictures
we'll fly like birds not of this earth
and tides they turn
and hearts disfigure
but that's no concern
when we're wounded together
and we tore our dresses
and stained our shirts
but it's nice today
oh the wait was so worth it
---
kid cudi speaks:
"worst thing in the world is emotions so i'm sitting here trying to go through the motions"
A Beautiful Mess
you've got the best of both worlds
you're the kind of girl who can take down a man
and lift him back up again
you are strong but you're needy
humble but you're greedy
and based on your body language and shoddy cursive i've been reading
your style is quite selective
though your mind is rather reckless
well i guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is.
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like picking up trash in dresses
well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
kind of turn themselves into knives
and don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
but i like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
cause here we are
here we are
although you are biased, i love your advice
your comebacks they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities
there's no shame in being crazy
depending on how you take these words i'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like picking up trash in dresses
well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
kind of turn themselves into blades
kind and courteous is a life i've heard
but it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
oh, dear
cause here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
we're still here
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like taking a guess
when the only answer is yes
and through timeless words
and priceless pictures
we'll fly like birds not of this earth
and tides they turn
and hearts disfigure
but that's no concern
when we're wounded together
and we tore our dresses
and stained our shirts
but it's nice today
oh the wait was so worth it
---
kid cudi speaks:
"worst thing in the world is emotions so i'm sitting here trying to go through the motions"
6.17.2009
let me get my theme music
just forget everything that you know
let's take it all the way back to hello
they say you living like you died before
i got a place that only i can go...
---
SUMMER (:
Although I have been under house arrest for the past couple days I managed to leave the house today. And it was GLORIOUS! I love being home with these people. They get my endorphins up, you guys are my endorphrends. Sorry. I feel like I am on crack right now.
I'm excited to go back to Irvine too, though. Always this limbo.
I thought this blog would be more cohesive and thoughtful, but I just wanna have fun right now. Summer summer summmmmerrrrrr. Best word in the dictionary.
let's take it all the way back to hello
they say you living like you died before
i got a place that only i can go...
---
SUMMER (:
Although I have been under house arrest for the past couple days I managed to leave the house today. And it was GLORIOUS! I love being home with these people. They get my endorphins up, you guys are my endorphrends. Sorry. I feel like I am on crack right now.
I'm excited to go back to Irvine too, though. Always this limbo.
I thought this blog would be more cohesive and thoughtful, but I just wanna have fun right now. Summer summer summmmmerrrrrr. Best word in the dictionary.
6.12.2009
the cusp
Thus ends my freshman year at UC Irvine. Although I'm not moved out yet (quite the contrary in fact) everything has winded down. My roommate moved out today at 3; unfortunately, I wasn't around to bid her goodbye. I returned to half a barren room. The other side was as opposite of barren as possible, starting me on this endless task of packing my many many belongings. My freshman year lies forlornly around me, taking up more space than I can afford. Posters, quotes, random bits of memorabilia that my packrat self has decided to stow away. I suppose I feel some sort of success, looking back upon it all. But I think that's mostly because I tried so much, failed so much, and learned so much in turn.
I could go into details about personal growth and all that miscellaneous blabber but that's a more private entry that requires a bit more thought and reflection on my part. I haven't really sat down and thought about how I've changed over the past year, and I don't think it's something that can really be listed anyway. The important thing is I'm taking the lessons with me; hopefully they'll remind me to screw my head on straight.
The fact is, I know I've changed. We've all changed. It's surreal to think that just one year ago we were wearing those bedsheets they call graduation gowns, filled with an exuberance about the "last" summer in Cupertino and the adventures that the fall would bring us. Looking at all the pictures of 2009 graduating and going to prom and SANP is strange. It makes me feel old and irrelevant. And it feels like they're tresspassing on something that I've staked as my own claim; those events should belong to me and 2008. It's hard to realize that everyone has their own memories and everyone makes it what it is for themselves. It's hard to realize how important their graduation is to them, when the 2008 graduation is the only one that bears any significance for me. But of course this is always how it is, you're looking into the fishtank most of the time, and on special occasions you are the fish. Once you're outside the tank again it's weird to look at the fish and think it was you, just moments ago.
Enough with the far-fetched analogy. There are definitely similarities between June 2008 and June 2009. For instance, I am sick. Graduation last year I was feeling feverish, and what resulted was a rather miserable (but memorable nonetheless) SANP, and then a week of recovery. I guess I can't stop myself from going full speed at the end of the year. It's always jam-packed and I'm not good at slowing down and taking care of myself. These "ends" will never happen again, right? Might as well make it memorable and suffer the consequences later. Full speed ahead! (:
I'm worried about coming home though. I don't want to be sick for the one week I have at home, sandwiched between long stays in Irvine. I have so much I want to do in that one week that being bed-ridden would completely KILL me! So I'm stocking up on vitamin C and pounding my body with fluids. And I'm not one to rely on medicine, but I have some Motrin in my bag. Just in case of emergency.
Besides that, I'm really excited for this summer. I know I won't be staying in one place for long, essentially I'm splitting my time between Irvine, Cupertino, and Indonesia. But I've always liked the jet-setting lifestyle and I hope the shortness of my stays will prevent me from becoming lazy and putting off things that I want to do. It does suck that I won't be able to spend more time in NorCal, but there's no fighting it now I guess. This is the first fragmented summer of many to come, I feel. In a way it's good: these short bursts of home keep reminding me of how good it is for me and keep me wanting more. I leave just when I'm really appreciating it, and it draws me back like nothing else.
Home just sounds so good right now. My dorm is empty and I can finally be unabashedly myself: singing Taylor Swift as I pack, being the messy and loud person that I naturally am without infringing on the comfort of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, but we all need our own space. And alone time was so limited this year. It was hard to sit and just BE, to wind down and re-achieve zen. To type a nice long blog and listen to music full blast. This is what home offers to me in my mind: a place where I can be myself without worrying. Sorry guys, I know I'm weird, but I know they've accepted my quirks and I've accepted theirs. This mutual understanding is what makes home that much more precious, no more judgements and the knowledge that they'll be there through thick and thin. The comfortable-as-you-are ambiance is something that Irvine lacks for a large part and is what I miss most.
Finals ended last night at 9pm (just as the Lakers won...) and I spent the night packing, playing tetris, and slowly burning up. I went to bed with a fever and chills, hating myself for having such a sad immune system. I woke up feeling better though, and I went to an Obey warehouse sale and shopped shopped shopped! I'm terrible at saving money, but hey, I deserved this. Today I packed and helped friends move, hung out a little bit and stressed over the swollen-ness of my stupid lymph nodes. (Is that what they are?) Tonight I'm hanging out with pledge sisters and the bros, and having a sleepover in Monique's room hopefully. The last kick! And tomorrow morning my parents are coming to pick me up. Hopefully I'll be completely packed and I can just throw my stuff in the car and BOUNCE!
I am so ecstatic that summer is here! It tastes like sweet tea from chick-fil-a and sounds like the laughter of friends and music on full blast. It smells like chlorine and ocean and Chipotle and frozen yogurt. It looks like a great view from Highway 9, a sunset over the beach, sunny days wherever I am. I can't wait to see my friends, and my family, and to recuperate and not worry about jack squat! ANTICIPATION! I have high hopes for Summer 2009 and I won't let myself down. (: (longboarding, DJing, being tan, getting my hair back to regular color, exercising, cooking, scrapbooking, finding dorm decor, industrial bar piercing?, bonfires, BAKING, beach trips, SF, dance choreos, sleepovers, camping, shopping, making bank, karaoke, bowling, swimming, movie marathons, piano, ice skating, reading, vegetating, eating too much, sitting around doing nothing with people who mean everything (:...etc.)
I'm such a rambler. This blog is way too long. Time to get back to packing!
HOME SOON!!! (:
I could go into details about personal growth and all that miscellaneous blabber but that's a more private entry that requires a bit more thought and reflection on my part. I haven't really sat down and thought about how I've changed over the past year, and I don't think it's something that can really be listed anyway. The important thing is I'm taking the lessons with me; hopefully they'll remind me to screw my head on straight.
The fact is, I know I've changed. We've all changed. It's surreal to think that just one year ago we were wearing those bedsheets they call graduation gowns, filled with an exuberance about the "last" summer in Cupertino and the adventures that the fall would bring us. Looking at all the pictures of 2009 graduating and going to prom and SANP is strange. It makes me feel old and irrelevant. And it feels like they're tresspassing on something that I've staked as my own claim; those events should belong to me and 2008. It's hard to realize that everyone has their own memories and everyone makes it what it is for themselves. It's hard to realize how important their graduation is to them, when the 2008 graduation is the only one that bears any significance for me. But of course this is always how it is, you're looking into the fishtank most of the time, and on special occasions you are the fish. Once you're outside the tank again it's weird to look at the fish and think it was you, just moments ago.
Enough with the far-fetched analogy. There are definitely similarities between June 2008 and June 2009. For instance, I am sick. Graduation last year I was feeling feverish, and what resulted was a rather miserable (but memorable nonetheless) SANP, and then a week of recovery. I guess I can't stop myself from going full speed at the end of the year. It's always jam-packed and I'm not good at slowing down and taking care of myself. These "ends" will never happen again, right? Might as well make it memorable and suffer the consequences later. Full speed ahead! (:
I'm worried about coming home though. I don't want to be sick for the one week I have at home, sandwiched between long stays in Irvine. I have so much I want to do in that one week that being bed-ridden would completely KILL me! So I'm stocking up on vitamin C and pounding my body with fluids. And I'm not one to rely on medicine, but I have some Motrin in my bag. Just in case of emergency.
Besides that, I'm really excited for this summer. I know I won't be staying in one place for long, essentially I'm splitting my time between Irvine, Cupertino, and Indonesia. But I've always liked the jet-setting lifestyle and I hope the shortness of my stays will prevent me from becoming lazy and putting off things that I want to do. It does suck that I won't be able to spend more time in NorCal, but there's no fighting it now I guess. This is the first fragmented summer of many to come, I feel. In a way it's good: these short bursts of home keep reminding me of how good it is for me and keep me wanting more. I leave just when I'm really appreciating it, and it draws me back like nothing else.
Home just sounds so good right now. My dorm is empty and I can finally be unabashedly myself: singing Taylor Swift as I pack, being the messy and loud person that I naturally am without infringing on the comfort of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, but we all need our own space. And alone time was so limited this year. It was hard to sit and just BE, to wind down and re-achieve zen. To type a nice long blog and listen to music full blast. This is what home offers to me in my mind: a place where I can be myself without worrying. Sorry guys, I know I'm weird, but I know they've accepted my quirks and I've accepted theirs. This mutual understanding is what makes home that much more precious, no more judgements and the knowledge that they'll be there through thick and thin. The comfortable-as-you-are ambiance is something that Irvine lacks for a large part and is what I miss most.
Finals ended last night at 9pm (just as the Lakers won...) and I spent the night packing, playing tetris, and slowly burning up. I went to bed with a fever and chills, hating myself for having such a sad immune system. I woke up feeling better though, and I went to an Obey warehouse sale and shopped shopped shopped! I'm terrible at saving money, but hey, I deserved this. Today I packed and helped friends move, hung out a little bit and stressed over the swollen-ness of my stupid lymph nodes. (Is that what they are?) Tonight I'm hanging out with pledge sisters and the bros, and having a sleepover in Monique's room hopefully. The last kick! And tomorrow morning my parents are coming to pick me up. Hopefully I'll be completely packed and I can just throw my stuff in the car and BOUNCE!
I am so ecstatic that summer is here! It tastes like sweet tea from chick-fil-a and sounds like the laughter of friends and music on full blast. It smells like chlorine and ocean and Chipotle and frozen yogurt. It looks like a great view from Highway 9, a sunset over the beach, sunny days wherever I am. I can't wait to see my friends, and my family, and to recuperate and not worry about jack squat! ANTICIPATION! I have high hopes for Summer 2009 and I won't let myself down. (: (longboarding, DJing, being tan, getting my hair back to regular color, exercising, cooking, scrapbooking, finding dorm decor, industrial bar piercing?, bonfires, BAKING, beach trips, SF, dance choreos, sleepovers, camping, shopping, making bank, karaoke, bowling, swimming, movie marathons, piano, ice skating, reading, vegetating, eating too much, sitting around doing nothing with people who mean everything (:...etc.)
I'm such a rambler. This blog is way too long. Time to get back to packing!
HOME SOON!!! (:
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