Mraz got there first.
A Beautiful Mess
you've got the best of both worlds
you're the kind of girl who can take down a man
and lift him back up again
you are strong but you're needy
humble but you're greedy
and based on your body language and shoddy cursive i've been reading
your style is quite selective
though your mind is rather reckless
well i guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is.
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like picking up trash in dresses
well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
kind of turn themselves into knives
and don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
but i like being submerged in your contradictions, dear
cause here we are
here we are
although you are biased, i love your advice
your comebacks they're quick and probably have to do with your insecurities
there's no shame in being crazy
depending on how you take these words i'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like picking up trash in dresses
well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
kind of turn themselves into blades
kind and courteous is a life i've heard
but it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
oh, dear
cause here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
here we are
we're still here
and what a beautiful mess this is
it's like taking a guess
when the only answer is yes
and through timeless words
and priceless pictures
we'll fly like birds not of this earth
and tides they turn
and hearts disfigure
but that's no concern
when we're wounded together
and we tore our dresses
and stained our shirts
but it's nice today
oh the wait was so worth it
---
kid cudi speaks:
"worst thing in the world is emotions so i'm sitting here trying to go through the motions"
6.26.2009
6.17.2009
let me get my theme music
just forget everything that you know
let's take it all the way back to hello
they say you living like you died before
i got a place that only i can go...
---
SUMMER (:
Although I have been under house arrest for the past couple days I managed to leave the house today. And it was GLORIOUS! I love being home with these people. They get my endorphins up, you guys are my endorphrends. Sorry. I feel like I am on crack right now.
I'm excited to go back to Irvine too, though. Always this limbo.
I thought this blog would be more cohesive and thoughtful, but I just wanna have fun right now. Summer summer summmmmerrrrrr. Best word in the dictionary.
let's take it all the way back to hello
they say you living like you died before
i got a place that only i can go...
---
SUMMER (:
Although I have been under house arrest for the past couple days I managed to leave the house today. And it was GLORIOUS! I love being home with these people. They get my endorphins up, you guys are my endorphrends. Sorry. I feel like I am on crack right now.
I'm excited to go back to Irvine too, though. Always this limbo.
I thought this blog would be more cohesive and thoughtful, but I just wanna have fun right now. Summer summer summmmmerrrrrr. Best word in the dictionary.
6.12.2009
the cusp
Thus ends my freshman year at UC Irvine. Although I'm not moved out yet (quite the contrary in fact) everything has winded down. My roommate moved out today at 3; unfortunately, I wasn't around to bid her goodbye. I returned to half a barren room. The other side was as opposite of barren as possible, starting me on this endless task of packing my many many belongings. My freshman year lies forlornly around me, taking up more space than I can afford. Posters, quotes, random bits of memorabilia that my packrat self has decided to stow away. I suppose I feel some sort of success, looking back upon it all. But I think that's mostly because I tried so much, failed so much, and learned so much in turn.
I could go into details about personal growth and all that miscellaneous blabber but that's a more private entry that requires a bit more thought and reflection on my part. I haven't really sat down and thought about how I've changed over the past year, and I don't think it's something that can really be listed anyway. The important thing is I'm taking the lessons with me; hopefully they'll remind me to screw my head on straight.
The fact is, I know I've changed. We've all changed. It's surreal to think that just one year ago we were wearing those bedsheets they call graduation gowns, filled with an exuberance about the "last" summer in Cupertino and the adventures that the fall would bring us. Looking at all the pictures of 2009 graduating and going to prom and SANP is strange. It makes me feel old and irrelevant. And it feels like they're tresspassing on something that I've staked as my own claim; those events should belong to me and 2008. It's hard to realize that everyone has their own memories and everyone makes it what it is for themselves. It's hard to realize how important their graduation is to them, when the 2008 graduation is the only one that bears any significance for me. But of course this is always how it is, you're looking into the fishtank most of the time, and on special occasions you are the fish. Once you're outside the tank again it's weird to look at the fish and think it was you, just moments ago.
Enough with the far-fetched analogy. There are definitely similarities between June 2008 and June 2009. For instance, I am sick. Graduation last year I was feeling feverish, and what resulted was a rather miserable (but memorable nonetheless) SANP, and then a week of recovery. I guess I can't stop myself from going full speed at the end of the year. It's always jam-packed and I'm not good at slowing down and taking care of myself. These "ends" will never happen again, right? Might as well make it memorable and suffer the consequences later. Full speed ahead! (:
I'm worried about coming home though. I don't want to be sick for the one week I have at home, sandwiched between long stays in Irvine. I have so much I want to do in that one week that being bed-ridden would completely KILL me! So I'm stocking up on vitamin C and pounding my body with fluids. And I'm not one to rely on medicine, but I have some Motrin in my bag. Just in case of emergency.
Besides that, I'm really excited for this summer. I know I won't be staying in one place for long, essentially I'm splitting my time between Irvine, Cupertino, and Indonesia. But I've always liked the jet-setting lifestyle and I hope the shortness of my stays will prevent me from becoming lazy and putting off things that I want to do. It does suck that I won't be able to spend more time in NorCal, but there's no fighting it now I guess. This is the first fragmented summer of many to come, I feel. In a way it's good: these short bursts of home keep reminding me of how good it is for me and keep me wanting more. I leave just when I'm really appreciating it, and it draws me back like nothing else.
Home just sounds so good right now. My dorm is empty and I can finally be unabashedly myself: singing Taylor Swift as I pack, being the messy and loud person that I naturally am without infringing on the comfort of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, but we all need our own space. And alone time was so limited this year. It was hard to sit and just BE, to wind down and re-achieve zen. To type a nice long blog and listen to music full blast. This is what home offers to me in my mind: a place where I can be myself without worrying. Sorry guys, I know I'm weird, but I know they've accepted my quirks and I've accepted theirs. This mutual understanding is what makes home that much more precious, no more judgements and the knowledge that they'll be there through thick and thin. The comfortable-as-you-are ambiance is something that Irvine lacks for a large part and is what I miss most.
Finals ended last night at 9pm (just as the Lakers won...) and I spent the night packing, playing tetris, and slowly burning up. I went to bed with a fever and chills, hating myself for having such a sad immune system. I woke up feeling better though, and I went to an Obey warehouse sale and shopped shopped shopped! I'm terrible at saving money, but hey, I deserved this. Today I packed and helped friends move, hung out a little bit and stressed over the swollen-ness of my stupid lymph nodes. (Is that what they are?) Tonight I'm hanging out with pledge sisters and the bros, and having a sleepover in Monique's room hopefully. The last kick! And tomorrow morning my parents are coming to pick me up. Hopefully I'll be completely packed and I can just throw my stuff in the car and BOUNCE!
I am so ecstatic that summer is here! It tastes like sweet tea from chick-fil-a and sounds like the laughter of friends and music on full blast. It smells like chlorine and ocean and Chipotle and frozen yogurt. It looks like a great view from Highway 9, a sunset over the beach, sunny days wherever I am. I can't wait to see my friends, and my family, and to recuperate and not worry about jack squat! ANTICIPATION! I have high hopes for Summer 2009 and I won't let myself down. (: (longboarding, DJing, being tan, getting my hair back to regular color, exercising, cooking, scrapbooking, finding dorm decor, industrial bar piercing?, bonfires, BAKING, beach trips, SF, dance choreos, sleepovers, camping, shopping, making bank, karaoke, bowling, swimming, movie marathons, piano, ice skating, reading, vegetating, eating too much, sitting around doing nothing with people who mean everything (:...etc.)
I'm such a rambler. This blog is way too long. Time to get back to packing!
HOME SOON!!! (:
I could go into details about personal growth and all that miscellaneous blabber but that's a more private entry that requires a bit more thought and reflection on my part. I haven't really sat down and thought about how I've changed over the past year, and I don't think it's something that can really be listed anyway. The important thing is I'm taking the lessons with me; hopefully they'll remind me to screw my head on straight.
The fact is, I know I've changed. We've all changed. It's surreal to think that just one year ago we were wearing those bedsheets they call graduation gowns, filled with an exuberance about the "last" summer in Cupertino and the adventures that the fall would bring us. Looking at all the pictures of 2009 graduating and going to prom and SANP is strange. It makes me feel old and irrelevant. And it feels like they're tresspassing on something that I've staked as my own claim; those events should belong to me and 2008. It's hard to realize that everyone has their own memories and everyone makes it what it is for themselves. It's hard to realize how important their graduation is to them, when the 2008 graduation is the only one that bears any significance for me. But of course this is always how it is, you're looking into the fishtank most of the time, and on special occasions you are the fish. Once you're outside the tank again it's weird to look at the fish and think it was you, just moments ago.
Enough with the far-fetched analogy. There are definitely similarities between June 2008 and June 2009. For instance, I am sick. Graduation last year I was feeling feverish, and what resulted was a rather miserable (but memorable nonetheless) SANP, and then a week of recovery. I guess I can't stop myself from going full speed at the end of the year. It's always jam-packed and I'm not good at slowing down and taking care of myself. These "ends" will never happen again, right? Might as well make it memorable and suffer the consequences later. Full speed ahead! (:
I'm worried about coming home though. I don't want to be sick for the one week I have at home, sandwiched between long stays in Irvine. I have so much I want to do in that one week that being bed-ridden would completely KILL me! So I'm stocking up on vitamin C and pounding my body with fluids. And I'm not one to rely on medicine, but I have some Motrin in my bag. Just in case of emergency.
Besides that, I'm really excited for this summer. I know I won't be staying in one place for long, essentially I'm splitting my time between Irvine, Cupertino, and Indonesia. But I've always liked the jet-setting lifestyle and I hope the shortness of my stays will prevent me from becoming lazy and putting off things that I want to do. It does suck that I won't be able to spend more time in NorCal, but there's no fighting it now I guess. This is the first fragmented summer of many to come, I feel. In a way it's good: these short bursts of home keep reminding me of how good it is for me and keep me wanting more. I leave just when I'm really appreciating it, and it draws me back like nothing else.
Home just sounds so good right now. My dorm is empty and I can finally be unabashedly myself: singing Taylor Swift as I pack, being the messy and loud person that I naturally am without infringing on the comfort of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate, but we all need our own space. And alone time was so limited this year. It was hard to sit and just BE, to wind down and re-achieve zen. To type a nice long blog and listen to music full blast. This is what home offers to me in my mind: a place where I can be myself without worrying. Sorry guys, I know I'm weird, but I know they've accepted my quirks and I've accepted theirs. This mutual understanding is what makes home that much more precious, no more judgements and the knowledge that they'll be there through thick and thin. The comfortable-as-you-are ambiance is something that Irvine lacks for a large part and is what I miss most.
Finals ended last night at 9pm (just as the Lakers won...) and I spent the night packing, playing tetris, and slowly burning up. I went to bed with a fever and chills, hating myself for having such a sad immune system. I woke up feeling better though, and I went to an Obey warehouse sale and shopped shopped shopped! I'm terrible at saving money, but hey, I deserved this. Today I packed and helped friends move, hung out a little bit and stressed over the swollen-ness of my stupid lymph nodes. (Is that what they are?) Tonight I'm hanging out with pledge sisters and the bros, and having a sleepover in Monique's room hopefully. The last kick! And tomorrow morning my parents are coming to pick me up. Hopefully I'll be completely packed and I can just throw my stuff in the car and BOUNCE!
I am so ecstatic that summer is here! It tastes like sweet tea from chick-fil-a and sounds like the laughter of friends and music on full blast. It smells like chlorine and ocean and Chipotle and frozen yogurt. It looks like a great view from Highway 9, a sunset over the beach, sunny days wherever I am. I can't wait to see my friends, and my family, and to recuperate and not worry about jack squat! ANTICIPATION! I have high hopes for Summer 2009 and I won't let myself down. (: (longboarding, DJing, being tan, getting my hair back to regular color, exercising, cooking, scrapbooking, finding dorm decor, industrial bar piercing?, bonfires, BAKING, beach trips, SF, dance choreos, sleepovers, camping, shopping, making bank, karaoke, bowling, swimming, movie marathons, piano, ice skating, reading, vegetating, eating too much, sitting around doing nothing with people who mean everything (:...etc.)
I'm such a rambler. This blog is way too long. Time to get back to packing!
HOME SOON!!! (:
5.10.2009
so actually
SUMMER
June 12 or 13: come home
June 21: leave home
June 22: move in to my APARTMENT hollaaa (:
June 22-July 29: summer school
July 30-August 23: home
August 23-September 12: Indonesia
September 12-September 19: HOME
September 21: school starts
COOL...visit me please. Empty apartment, Disneyland & the beach close by.
Kind of a bummer, I'm only gonna be home for like a month total. OH WELL, such is life!
June 12 or 13: come home
June 21: leave home
June 22: move in to my APARTMENT hollaaa (:
June 22-July 29: summer school
July 30-August 23: home
August 23-September 12: Indonesia
September 12-September 19: HOME
September 21: school starts
COOL...visit me please. Empty apartment, Disneyland & the beach close by.
Kind of a bummer, I'm only gonna be home for like a month total. OH WELL, such is life!
5.05.2009
a regular kind of recap
because I really haven't in a while. Lots has been going on!
I am halfway through my last quarter of freshman year and I must say it is the most hectic of them all! Besides being pretty exhausted and/or lazy 24/7 I have been occupying myself with the following...
SCHOOL
I have a midterm and a test this week and also a prospectus for my research paper. This quarter is a lot more busy work than I have ever had to deal with but I suppose it's keeping me in check so I don't completely failS on tests/papers. Although I didn't do super well on my first HumCore paper but...sigh. ): I'm currently working on a research paper about urban planning/environmental design, which is really related to the paper about new urbanism I turned in a couple weeks back...I'm gonna be an expert, seriously! And I'm actually considering urban planning as a major/minor so we'll see where this goes.
PLEDGING
Still a lil sis pledge. It's actually realllly fun and getting to know my pledge sisters and the bros is pretty cool. You learn a lot about different people/why they behave the way they do when you are thrust into an already established group of friends. I've been observing and it teaches you a lot about how to conduct yourself in the way you deem most fit...hard to explain, but I'm enjoying myself tremendously. It's always nice to have something to look forward to, and there are a lot of events that they planned for us. Fun times.
Also me and my pledge sisters went to the tattoo parlor over the weekend and got some piercings hehe. I'm probably gonna be back there sooner than I thought.
WORK
My first day of work was today! So I got up at the crack of dawn (6:30 AM) to don my UCI Dining polo and hat and really weird rubber shoes. It was pretty chill, all I really had to do was make coffee and work the register. Everyone was really nice, too, even though today was NOOB day and I was ultimate noobs. Plus I got free sushi at the end, YEE!!
Also one of my co-workers is a staff writer for the UCI paper, the New University. The editor-in-chief came in to buy coffee and we chatted for a bit and I gave him my email which MEANS I'm probably gonna be writing for the New U SOON!! Either this quarter if I have time or next year. (: Connections baby!
Besides all that not much has been going on. Summer plans are falling into place and it looks like I probably won't be taking summer school at UCI this year. What IS happening:
-GETTING MY LISENCE
-summer school at De Anza perhaps
-job. Baskin Robbins anyone?? HAHAh...
-Irvine trip to move into my apartment/stay for a while? ANY TAKERS? We can stay there and make some trips to Disneyland & the beach etc... (:
-going to Indonesia in early September
and then I guess school begins again late Sept! Time sure does fly.
It's funny reading the seniors' statuses or wall posts about college. I chanced upon an "09 goes to college" facebook group when I was avoiding doing work and it kinda made me sad. I feel old. ): I wanna be young and excited for college again! Cause all I really want to do right now is go home and be lazy. Hopefully this summer will be revitalizing enough.
Also, I reallllly want to go snowboarding. REALLLY BADLY. ):
I texted my sister earlier this week about shiiiit that was going on in my life and I'm finding more and more how similar we are. It shouldn't be surprising but I never really thought of her as someone I'd talk to about my problems. I guess we're really similar in how we deal with things and how we view things...so it's definitely nice realizing that someone who's been right beside you this whole time is actually a lot more than what you thought. NTS talk to sister more. (: But yeah she offered me this one great piece of advice: "keep your pimphand strong and be hard."
HAHAHAHA......truth.
That's pretty much it...I think I'm gonna take a nap.
I am halfway through my last quarter of freshman year and I must say it is the most hectic of them all! Besides being pretty exhausted and/or lazy 24/7 I have been occupying myself with the following...
SCHOOL
I have a midterm and a test this week and also a prospectus for my research paper. This quarter is a lot more busy work than I have ever had to deal with but I suppose it's keeping me in check so I don't completely failS on tests/papers. Although I didn't do super well on my first HumCore paper but...sigh. ): I'm currently working on a research paper about urban planning/environmental design, which is really related to the paper about new urbanism I turned in a couple weeks back...I'm gonna be an expert, seriously! And I'm actually considering urban planning as a major/minor so we'll see where this goes.
PLEDGING
Still a lil sis pledge. It's actually realllly fun and getting to know my pledge sisters and the bros is pretty cool. You learn a lot about different people/why they behave the way they do when you are thrust into an already established group of friends. I've been observing and it teaches you a lot about how to conduct yourself in the way you deem most fit...hard to explain, but I'm enjoying myself tremendously. It's always nice to have something to look forward to, and there are a lot of events that they planned for us. Fun times.
Also me and my pledge sisters went to the tattoo parlor over the weekend and got some piercings hehe. I'm probably gonna be back there sooner than I thought.
WORK
My first day of work was today! So I got up at the crack of dawn (6:30 AM) to don my UCI Dining polo and hat and really weird rubber shoes. It was pretty chill, all I really had to do was make coffee and work the register. Everyone was really nice, too, even though today was NOOB day and I was ultimate noobs. Plus I got free sushi at the end, YEE!!
Also one of my co-workers is a staff writer for the UCI paper, the New University. The editor-in-chief came in to buy coffee and we chatted for a bit and I gave him my email which MEANS I'm probably gonna be writing for the New U SOON!! Either this quarter if I have time or next year. (: Connections baby!
Besides all that not much has been going on. Summer plans are falling into place and it looks like I probably won't be taking summer school at UCI this year. What IS happening:
-GETTING MY LISENCE
-summer school at De Anza perhaps
-job. Baskin Robbins anyone?? HAHAh...
-Irvine trip to move into my apartment/stay for a while? ANY TAKERS? We can stay there and make some trips to Disneyland & the beach etc... (:
-going to Indonesia in early September
and then I guess school begins again late Sept! Time sure does fly.
It's funny reading the seniors' statuses or wall posts about college. I chanced upon an "09 goes to college" facebook group when I was avoiding doing work and it kinda made me sad. I feel old. ): I wanna be young and excited for college again! Cause all I really want to do right now is go home and be lazy. Hopefully this summer will be revitalizing enough.
Also, I reallllly want to go snowboarding. REALLLY BADLY. ):
I texted my sister earlier this week about shiiiit that was going on in my life and I'm finding more and more how similar we are. It shouldn't be surprising but I never really thought of her as someone I'd talk to about my problems. I guess we're really similar in how we deal with things and how we view things...so it's definitely nice realizing that someone who's been right beside you this whole time is actually a lot more than what you thought. NTS talk to sister more. (: But yeah she offered me this one great piece of advice: "keep your pimphand strong and be hard."
HAHAHAHA......truth.
That's pretty much it...I think I'm gonna take a nap.
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