crazy, cont.

First off let me state that all technology hates me, for an unknown reason, because all I have ever done is shamelessly love and worship all things techy. Like my laptop for instance. I think the little crumb that was lodged under my 2 key has now migrated to underneath my d; thankfully it works if I press it really hard at just the right angle. THANKFULLY.

Also I just had a half-hour struggle with my laptop not starting when I plug my ethernet in, and the wifi failing in general, and then my laptop did this crazy restore type thing, and it SHOULD have fixed everything, but obviously not, because this KEEPS ON HAPPENING TO ME and I have NO IDEA WHY! Do I have bad tech-karma? I'll treat you better laptop, I promise, just be perfect for me right now, that's all I really ask.

This is a very inconvenient time for my laptop to start malfunctioning because as it stands, I am pretty majorly swamped. Yes it is 12:30 AM and I am blogging to find an outlet for all the stress that I am swimming in right now (yes, Nate, this might be a good time for a massage), when REALLY I should be being productive and reading my Aristotle (too bad it said it's gonna take ONE DAY TO LOAD....) OR even, if I'm a regular person with teachers and technology that are nice and functional, I should be out killing my liver -- people are college-style binge drinking, and I am just college-style pulling my hair out. EVEN THOUGH IT'S WEEK ONE. Usually week one translates into the last week of break.

Not this quarter. This quarter, we are hitting the ground running. No, not running. Sprinting. I am not good at any sort of athletic activity, actual physical activity or metaphorical or otherwise. So this might not be good.

Today was my first Lit Jrn class. It is safe to say that I will be learning a lot, whether I will be learning in tears or with steady drive, only the coming weeks will tell. My teacher is immediately someone I have massive respect for, she's written for a million different things and is very articulate, passionate, and REAL about the course as well as the whole writing industry. Kind of a scary genius. Though yes, it is a little disheartening to be told from day one that this industry is dying and you will probably not succeed, and that your work will be massively critiqued and you will end up failing at one point or another...and just other great, shiny little tidbits like that. Yay realism. No more "GOOD JOB!" stickers, not in this class.

Though I do respect this realistic attitude it was, I guess, kind of a shock. This is the first serious journalism class I've ever taken, but this is obviously not the case for my classmates. Sitting next to them I feel extremely average. They photograph, they started their high school paper, they intern for radical left-wing groups. They know all the cool underground indie bands, they worked in PR with all zee fashionistas, they are applying to law school. They are passionate, focused, articulate, and opinionated. And me? Uh...I should really start reading the news...

We had to do little introductions, the regular, yadayada, and everyone was talking about all their journalism experience and internships and where they want to be in the future and stuff like that.

My turn came and my heart started thumping furiously. WHY IS THAT? I am talking about me, a subject that I have steadily been observing for 18, almost 19, years. I am quite the authority on the subject of me, and yet when I talk about myself, I completely blank and forget my own damn name. I said something about how writing was mostly my hobby ever since I was little and I love it, this is my first lit journ class, I have a blog (NO BIGGIE, SRSLY), um....I had like a thousand xangas in middle school, so YEAH trying to see if this can be a career! My classmates chuckled at the xanga statement so yay, at least I'm not completely socially awkward. Or maybe they laughed out of pity. Who knows, you can never tell with these insane genius writer-gods.

After this 'writing is a hobby want to make it my career' little schpeel my teacher inserted a little fact about how writing should probably still be a hobby cause it's really hard to make a career out of it, etc. OKAY then, peace out, time to major in engineering or biology or something that will actually provide a roof over my head that is not made out of dismantled FedEx boxes and old Campbell soup cans.

Anyway, looking back it wasn't SO bad but maybe the passage of time softens the wounds inflicted by day one of lit journ. I do admire my teacher a lot, and hopefully I will get up the courage to go to office hours and be less intimidated by her/the course in general. She gave us some advice, telling us not to get discouraged (might be too late), and that "intellect without discipline is boring." I quite agree though I must say I think I am lacking in the discipline arena...yep, 12:45 AM, sitting in my rainbow undies listening to Katy Perry, DEF have not read Aristotle yet. Success? I think so.

Thankfully the other class I had today was totally uplifting. Meet my new professor and LOVE OF MY LIFE! He's HILARIOUS. AND SO SMART!! And he dresses really nicely. And SO FUNNY. Did I mention? So, so funny.

The class is Linguistics/Anthropology and I am so ready to dive into this subject matter and go to every single office hours session he holds so I can just listen to him talk and laugh at all his jokes....SIIIIIGH.

The first rule of this class is "be excellent to each other." Yes. He says things like this. He is from Boston and told us to be prepared to hear him talk about Boston (and "draring" and inserting random r's everywhere) at least four times per lecture. Sure enough I heard quite a bit about Boston just from today, but also SWEDEN where he studied furniture designers and the gestures they make! "I'm downplaying it right now cause it's my job...but it's pretty awesome." He also mentioned Avatar...and said things like "bad shits going down" and "um, uh, ah, we, well...expect this level of scholarship from me" and just other great, self-deprecating things like that. Am I gushing? I'm gushing. He also talked about this man-purse and how it's a symbol of great masculinity on this island in Micronesia where he did some research and it was just a giant lol-fest. I can't even explain. I am terribly, terribly excited. He is one of those extremely smart, energetic, and ENGAGING professors, which I absolutely love. I think I've only had one other prof like this.

I only wish I had that class more often, to de-stress me from the crazy that is my life. Two times a week is not enough Keith Murphy for me. Not enough time to distract me from the pile-up of reading and writing and interviewing, and other meetings, and oh you forgot this meeting, and hey wanna hang out? NO CAN'T, GOTTA FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET TO AUSTRALIA. Dammit.

I am seriously very, very stressed right now, I do not know what to do. Step by step, perhaps? Blog less, homework more? MMMM somehow this sounds very unappealing...

Sigh. At the end of this day I just feel like I am extraordinarly average without one interesting bone in my body. Hello self, stop thinking you are interesting and smart and good at writing. You are not. You are a baby with SO much to learn about the world. Heave a giant sigh and shoulder this burden. Tomorrow I will wake up and know that this is not exactly the case but for right now...someone just hug me. And be my personal assistant this quarter, please. And maybe give me $15,000, that would be nice.