catching up but not

I am blogging rather often lately which can only mean one thing: there are so many other things that I should be doing. Like, for instance, catching up on Humanities Core? Right now we are studying the Bolshevik revolution and the Weimar republic and Dadaism and Communists and art...and I'm still trying to figure out how it all pieces together. Mind you, I am not trying that hard, as I am two for two in choosing to catch up on Z's during lecture instead of trying to figure out what my professor is yammering on about.

I have to say, though. He is a really interesting guy, from what I've seen and heard thus far. Granted I've only been conscious for about a third of the time he's spoken, but what I got from him so far was that his lectures are interspersed with funny tidbits, he loves Project Runway, and he would probably be a great person to take a really long road trip with. He's just one of those people who are filled with random interesting-ness, like for instance today we talked about this:

Which I thought was really funny. I'd never seen it before, maybe you guys have because I'm stuck in my little non-politically involved shell, and I must say Irvine is really not the most politically active campus either, but yeah. I lol-ed and thought of Tina Fey, and seeing Russia from your house, and then thinking of Russia made me think of the Bolsheviks, and that just reminded me of how confused I am, so my lol-ing ended pretty quickly.

But then he also does things like make us stand up and sing communist songs. And standing up and singing "The Internationale" for four minutes is much too exhausting for me, so I conked out after that. I would be the worst commie ever, hoo-hah.

Anyway, I also have an assignment on Berlin Cabaret Culture due for my discussion in approximately one and a half hours. Surprise, surprise: I have not yet begun.

My Beatles class also deserves more attention than I am giving it. Yesterday we watched a clip of the Beatles performing at Shea stadium, and it was CRAZY! There were girls screaming and crying and fainting and running on the field and getting dragged off of it by grumpy looking cops. The sound of the Beatlemaniacs was so deafening that I doubt John, Paul, Ringo, and George could even hear themselves singing. (Hell yeah I am on a first name basis with them. And I must say, I have a rather giant crushes on Paul and Ringo.) It was cool though cause you could tell they were having an amazing time, John was going nuts and playing the keyboard with his elbows and George couldn't sing for laughing so hard. This class seriously never fails to put a smile on my face. And yet for all my love for this class, I still am seriously behind. Like 300 pages behind, to be exact. Plus like nine playlists of music. I'm a winner!
Madness. The 60's must have been such an amazing time for life! Jealous.

I've also been catching up on TV shows, like Grey's Anatomy for instance. I have that show to thank for getting me started on actually following television shows, so I do have a soft spot in my heart for it. At the same time, I do want to slap a hoe across the face and maybe cry and scream at the television. Izzy is SO frustrating and just...her storyline is not interesting at all, and things are going in circles and getting boring and just not intense anymore. It saddens me to see Grey's shriveling so, but PLEASE! It's hurting me.

This made me laugh though: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JImyMGNQSs&feature=related

Points of interest:
-Meredith's bangs are SPOT ON. #1 annoyance of the show prior to Izzy's storyline.
-I just grey'sed your anatomy! HAHAHA
-I'm right, right???

Okay, I should probably start being productive. Which is really hard when your next door neighbor is blasting Britney Spears. Don't get me wrong, I love listening to Brit-brit and I'm so glad her downward spiral spiralled upwards, but it's different listening to her and listening to her through a wall.

Oh I also had a dream that I broke my leg but walked around crutch-less. DEEPER MEANING, anyone??? What my little dream book says is that a broken leg forecasts a period of unhappiness...but I feel like my period of unhappiness is over. And in my dream, I was walking around all fine and not really lamenting my lack of crutches, just wondering why I didn't have any. But I was a trooper! So maybe I'll have unhappiness but be fine and march on regardless. OR MAYBE I'm analyzing too much and should focus my brain power on Berlin Cabaret Culture!

"You rock, don't change."

Okay, I admit that I am probably more hormonal/stressed/exhausted/emotional than I ever thought a human being could possibly be, but I am at a strange place dealing with strange circumstances and feeling strange emotions. I'm not going to go into detail because I really think overall this is going to blow over and I will laugh at this and learn from this and ultimately forget about this, so I won't immortalize it in words on the web.

Anyway, I was having a pretty grumpy day. I went to bed angry and frustrated, woke up angry and frustrated, got more angry and frustrated as I tragically failed my midterm, and pretty much decided that something must be done about the piles of bullshit that I was wading into. So I read a magazine, wore my pajamas all day, watched Breakfast at Tiffany's, listened to emo music, talked to people I actually like, took some tips from Nina Garcia, and reminisced on good ole high school days by reading all my yearbook entries.

Reading all the nice things my homies wrote for me ages ago is so touching! I miss the good times and the chemistry and trust between us all, and I miss people a lot. People who I didn't really think I would miss that much, I do. It'll never be the same way again, I realize, but I think I've made my peace with that. You can't really keep going forward if you're concentrating on the past, cause then you'll just miss out.

Somewhere between Breakfast at Tiffany's and Nina Garcia's Little Black Book I hit upon a goldmine. I keep being disloyal to myself and what I really want, and it frustrates me. Like I think what happened is I pretty much drowned in the day to day drama and I let it get to me too much, such that I forgot about who I am and what really matters to me. I'd like to say that I'm past it all, but truth be told, I'm not. It takes a while for me to get un-grumpy about situations and I know I can't force it anymore. Honestly, it doesn't matter. I need to forget about it!

A lot of people wrote in my yearbook, "Don't change." Things like that. That's hard; people are always changing. Everything changes! It's all transient.

talk

There's too much talk sometimes. Things get tangled up in everyone's different accounts of what happened, different opinions of what went wrong, different perceptions of people and how they act. There's too much talk about people's motives and people's loyalties and how to fix misunderstandings. There is miscommunication and there is lack of communication and even if you do happen to get the right amount of talk in, sometimes it's still wrong. Who's to say if trust in the talk is the best idea? There are just too many things unsaid and then there are things that are said too much. When does it ever strike the right balance? And when and who do you trust, whose talk do you believe?

I wonder if it would be better if we were all mute.

Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you

edit;
Sometimes things aren't said when you know they should be, and sometimes you leave it alone. Sometimes you say things you don't really mean, sometimes you say too much of what you mean, sometimes you over-think, sometimes you don't think enough. Sometimes you speak without thinking and think without speaking.


Humans in general and me in particular need to know when to talk and when to shut up and cut the bullshit.

back to bouncy

Somehow I kind of fell into a downer mood the past couple of days. But there are a number of things that totally cheered me up and here they are:

-Lady GaGa & happy music in general. I mentioned to Crystal that she should not listen to sad music and then realized that I was a filthy hypocrite, so I rid myself of my glum Mraz and instead turned to find the Remedy in happier songs (haha, such Wordplay here (omg I did it again)). Also, dancing in my room alone when nobody is looking is pretty much therapeutic.

-Going to the gym. I've been going regularly! Endorphins are my drug. Hahaha...no.

-The little study room in my dorm where little studying occurs. My friends and I record videos for each other in there, and there are a number of epic productions scattered among our friends' walls. For instance, there is one bootay-poppin video somewhere on facebook, and another video of "Jizz in my Pants" (pretty beast) somewhere else. And the study room was the scene of my friend's pencil twirling gone awry -- the pencil spun out of control and jabbed him in the eye. HAHAHA! Of course he was not hurt, otherwise I would not be laughing. Except I probably would be anyway.

-Long talks! I started getting to know this guy better and I stayed up until around 5 two nights in a row cause we just kept talking! These are the kinds of conversations I love, even though they leave me feeling drained and falling asleep in Psychology. And there is absolutely nothing romantical about these conversations, which makes me all the happier. Friendship is fun and so are fluvial conversations!

**Side note: FLUVIAL is the greatest word. Instead of saying "we clicked!" when referring to someone you get along with really well, my friends and I now say fluvial. Of or pertaining to a river. AKA FLOW! Fluvial. Woot.

-I dropped my Management class with my fobby bee-ness professor. And now I am enrolled in maybe the Best Class of All Time. Beatles & the 60's!!! I am totally pumped for this class and I don't even care that people gripe about how much memorization it is. My first lecture was today and it was pretty damn interesting, although I did fall asleep for a moment. Not to happen again! I can't wait to learrrrn.

-WEATHER!<3 Irvine has been a delicious 80+ degrees the whole week. I'm hoping for a nice summery glow in the midst of winter.

Okay my eyelids are drooping like a dozy dog's. Haha oh alliteration! Till next time.

snow retreat recap

Long time no blog! So brace yourselves for a recap of epic proportions.

The first week back in general was pretty filled with fun. It was great settling back in and catching up with people again, and I found myself occupying a slightly different niche than the one I had left back in December. Not to say that this is a bad thing, on the contrary, I find that this branching out may actually be better for me, so hoorah for that. The first week was also pretty successful in the academic and health aspects. I actually did my homework for the most part, and what I didn't do was really not my fault. Honestly, if you say it is due on Friday, I would think it'd be due Friday afternoon or something. Not Thursday at 12 AM. Though it is technically Friday already, but whatever, my TA is dumb. At least now I know. Anyway, I was pretty healthy last week too! I went to the gym four days and legitimately worked out and felt pretty damn good. Eating healthier and snacking less, as well. Hopefully this pattern will continue.

This weekend a bunch of people from my hall drove up to Lake Arrowhead for our winter retreat. It was a total of about 25ish people so it was quite comfy and fun for all. We left Friday evening after dinner and arrived at the ginormo and luxurious mansion later that night. It was freaking huge and amazing and we definitely had fun playing sardines and exploring. Bonding activities were fun as usual, and then we all tried to turn in early because the following day would be activity filled and energy was definitely required!

However, this plan failed pretty epically. I went to bed around 12:30, decided it would be a good idea to make win sandwiches with my friends at around 1:00, and then ended up back on my pillow by around 2:30. Oh also, I was sleeping in a room filled with about 10 people and MAN do people breathe loudly! Not only snore because there was plenty of that, but BREATHING! SO LOUDLY, EVERYWHERE! I did not get a wink of sleep and I dragged my grumpy and moody ass out of bed at 5:30 to get ready for a day of snowboarding.

We got to the rather sad little resort around 8 and to our dismay, found out that only two lifts were open due to high winds. One lift was up an almost completely flat span of space, and the other went up a bunny-hill like run with three options for coming down. Also, it was not snowy, it was icy. Hard and cold and...ICE. Yeah. Going into it I was pessimistic about the conditions but I turned out to have a pretty fantastic day on that one hill, minus my moment of eating shit when trying to jump.

Speaking of! The boredom that the existence of one hill created encouraged me and my fellow snowboarding buddies to try some of the easier freestyle terrain. I successfully did a box and a jump, hoorah! I did completely eat shit on my second try at the jump though, I landed straight on my ass and slid a good 15 feet down the icy ramp. My hat and head parted, and it was sadly laying there being red and lonely for a while before my plea for help was finally answered. My butt is sore as a motherbitch, but it was totally worth it. Funnest ever. But yeah, a day of snowboarding for 8 hours will pretty much kill you. I was dead tired.

On the way back I also had a near-death experience. My friend decided to test out the 4-wheel-drive function of his new Land Rover on some steep snow banks and he deemed it an appropriate time. So he tried it, and it was pretty effing scary/badass all at the same time. Our car was tilted SO much I swore I was about to die and the glass would shatter and we would get in so much trouble etc. etc. but Land Rovers are a good deal! We are alive and live to tell this amazing story of adventure and risk. Haha, I didn't have one of those "life flashing before your eyes!" moments but I did worry about getting in trouble for forging my parents signatures for the release of liability for the trip. I definitely pictured myself in a hospital bed all bandaged up with my parents and RA yelling at me. Oh, conscience.

The rest of the night was filled with lounging around, the most amazing shower, a delicious dinner, and then a fat cuddlepuddle in the observatory. Overall a great ending to a great day, but I was feeling kind of sick and very exhausted so I retired early.

We left the cabin this morning at around 11. Maneuvering around the piles of people's crap was definitely hard, I felt like an 80 year old woman with severe arthritis and aches and pains etc. The drive back was really fun, we sang along to old-school songs and played around with the other car of people heading back. It was quite clever and fun.

Irvine welcomed us back with 85 degree weather, so the girls and I deemed it a good idea to sit in the park and simultaneously tan and study. We lugged our textbooks and happy selves to the beautifully sun-drenched Aldrich park and proceeded to lounge around and do very little homework, as expected! It was really fun and we were all having a great time until an epic bee decided it would be fun to terrorize us. So our party was broken up, and we headed back. I did get to climb a tree today, and it made me happy, so hoorah. Parks and picnics and good friends and sunshine make me happy.

Since then I have not really been doing much. Avoiding homework, watching the Golden Globes, looking at/tagging facebook pictures, the usual.

Sorry for a boring recap post, I promise next time I'll be more interesting and tell you about interesting things like failing at ordering food and the indecision that plagues my life. Also about the good happy times that happen, but for now I am too tired and too bored with myself to do anything to spice up this post.

Have a happy week!

burning bridges

I know exactly how you feel
you were this close to closing deals
when everything fell from out your hands
you were forced to decide on other plans now
you figured it best to just ignore it
otherwise you're only living for it
and if anyone ever wondered why you did it
you'd swear they never know you sold your soul to the
burning, burning, burning, burning bridges

you know exactly what I want so
I don't have to be so damn upfront
no matter the moment we decide to make our minds up
I know a man who may need a new assignment
to hand in his heart and take his last vacation
attempting to spoil imagination
if anyone ever wonders where he went
I wouldn't say that he spent his time driving over
burning, burning, burning bridges

burning, burning which is
nothing more than a longing for being uninvolved
uninvolved
uninvolved
uninvolved

oh, desire can cause heart attacks
oh, desire can cause heart attacks
oh, desire can cause heart attacks
oh, desire, it won't bring you back

oddball teachers & scrambled brain

Hello friends! I have a spare moment in my oddly busy Tuesday, so I decided to be non-productive and instead blog about Irvine happenings. It is strange that I have only been here for about two days, it seems much much longer than that.

Sunday was the day of moving. I lugged all of my belongings up the three flights of stairs back to my dorm room, and then decided that a change was in order. So pretty much I spent the afternoon reorganizing everything I owned. I moved my desk into a more favorable position and I am quite pleased with the result! I also unpacked everything I brought and realized that I have far too many clothes for my own good. Seriously, some of my drawers are very difficult to open because they are packed to the capacity with clothing.

Monday morning arrives and guess what time I woke up? Seven AM. IN THE MORNING! To what? Go to class? NOPE! I went to the gym. I had a very good workout and burned tons of calories and it actually had a great effect on the rest of my day! Endorphins are my favorite. It kept me energized all day and I was seriously like...not tired and super cheerful, despite the fact that classes started.

Speaking of classes, my new discussion leader is completely fails. Her name is Lahela Minerbi, and she is the complete opposite of Brian Thill (mah fave). He was interesting, she is not. He was practical and to the point, she definitely is not. Our one and a half hour class consisted of too many "get to know you!" activities for my liking as well as her describing Midsummer Night's Dream as though we were idiots. I kid you not, at one point she flapped her arms about and pretended to be Cupid. Brian Thill would not approve. I miss his cut-the-bullshit attitude.

Another thing I miss: good food. Winter break brought my standards up again where food is concerned. I definitely gained a lot of weight from pigging out on gourmet Asian food all the time. Now I miss the gourmet! Scrambled eggs tasted like dried brain, chicken tastes more like cardboard, spicy beef is not spicy, etc. I could compile a list of food-related grievances but it would depress me and bore you, so I shall not. Summary: food kind of sucks.

Oh but I had some deer jerky! My friend brought some from his trip to Texas where he shot and killed and later jerk-ified the deer. I only had a little bit cause I felt too guilty for eating such a precious creature. Bambi was my favorite Disney character as a kid! ):

Anyway, today is quite busy. I had my first Psych lecture today which went pretty well, as well as my first Management lecture. My teacher is fob extraordinaire, and from now on I refuse to refer to this class as anything but "bee-ness crass!" If you didn't get that, it's supposed to be "business class" in fobby English. I feel bad for making fun of him haha but it just frustrates me because this means that I actually have to listen harder and pay more attention to him in order to understand the material. Which bums me out, duh. Oh well, I may not be in this class for long.

So I have my empty chunk of time right now until around 5...I need to make a trip to the bookstore and purchase my set of $300 books! WHY SO EXPENSIVE! I texted my mom telling her how much money I needed in my account and I mentioned how sad it was that it was so much moneys. She texted back:

It's ok if u study hard n get gd grade for ur skill it bcomes cheap, last as long as u live. mny is xfer.

CUTE! Haha, but I don't know what the last line means. I think money is transferred?

Then at 7:30 tonight I have my first hip hop class! haha hoorahhhh. And then hall meeting and snow trip meeting. My hall is going to Big Bear this weekend to frolic in the snow and yeah..I am excited and also hoping that it is not that much bank because my wallet is being steadily drained. Which makes me sad.

And now I should really get to starting my homework! Lahela Minerbi makes me do a LOT of work that Brian Thill never required. ):

comfortable

So I'm a little ashamed that my friends conjured up such delicious New Years posts and I didn't. But also, I'm thankful that they did so I could mooch on the memories and be happy that I'm present in some of the pictures, hoorah! Haha props to all of you for coming up with such good posts, they will definitely be revisited in the coming late nights of college.

I said goodbye to Cupertino (technically, Santa Clara) this morning at around 10 instead of the projected 7 AM. How typical of me and my family, oh well. Like I mentioned earlier it's going to be the first full quarter without a break to go home, but I'm hoping that I will succeed at the saving of monies so I can visit SD and Davis sometime this quarter, and then head over to the Atlantic side of our country to visit some fools over spring break. So it won't be that bad.

Somehow though, this long and unbroken span of 10 weeks does not seem as daunting. I'm certain that leaving home in September was a lot more panic-attack-inducing for me, probably because of how everything was kind of in the air. Nobody really knew who was going to keep in touch with who, nobody knew what it would be like to actually come home, nobody knew who was going to change drastically, and plus it was the first time we were all apart for a long span of time etc, and I guess that was stressful because we were all so accustomed to just being us, set in our ways, that when a giant thing like college got thrown into the equation, we all kind of shivered in our underpants.

Thankfully, I've acquired a sense of comfort when it comes to thinking about home now. Winter break was important for me in helping me realize that we can all come back and be the same indecisive, hungry, and laid-back people. It's more fun, actually, because now we all have our own stories to tell. And I'm comfortable now, leaving home. Because I know that who matters to me at home will still matter to me despite the distance, and I know that everyone is just a text message or toxbox chat away. This is comforting, and so I'm not as sad to depart as I could potentially be. Stability is nice.

Anyway, sentimental portion of the post is over. Haha! I'm just sitting here in my LA hotel room after my short venture into Koreatown with my family. I pretty much conked out the whole way here, so as my parents nap, I search for interesting times on the internets.

To sum it all up, winter break was gold. Just like old times, plus some nipple-biting. HAHAHA

end of an era

As Natalie brought to my attention last night during the countdown, this year was the last year we could wear those spiffy "2009" glasses. Cause next year we'll be ringing in 2010 and there will be an awkward line hanging in the middle of your face and a 2 all alone by your ear, and this imbalance is definitely a no-no. So sad, so sad. But I guess we'll all just deal with it. haha

Happy 2009, guys! (:

So for most of us, "our" year of 2008 is over. Sad, I know. 2008 was a pretty great year from the start, filled with fun times & friendship & growth, yay. I feel like we are all really growing up! We graduated high school and all went off to college and started learning (hopefully) and having fun (duh) independent of each other and our previous MV lives.

People tend to do these "best of last year" moments at the start of a new year, but my memory is too crappy for me to recollect all the times that made me happiest. Thank goodness for photographs, or these countless happy times would probably be lost forever within the tangled realms of my mind. Thanks for being a part of my fantabulous 2008 though, everyone. (: I truly wouldn't change a thing!

I am ready to kick some ass in 2009. I know I'm never good at sticking to New Years Resolutions, but I always make them anyway. I feel like I learned a lot in 2008 and my resolutions just involve some things to keep in mind more often than I did in 08. So it should be easier to keep them this year...right? Please?

Winter break is pretty much over! ): Half of my to-do list remains unchecked, but there is a lot more that happened than I ever thought to list so I am not going to be a baby and whine. There is always spring break, unless I visit the east coast which is a possibility? Unsure. How strange, though...this will be the first quarter I go through straight without a little break to come home. 10 whole weeks! Ah well, absence makes the heart grow fonder...and hopefully by the time I come back to NorCal, it won't be so damn cold.

I realize I spent a lot of time this break just sitting at home doing whatever I wanted. Reading, watching TV/movies, writing, taking long baths, haha. When you write it all down like that it seems like I had a pretty unproductive break but I think it was some well-deserved me-time, offset by the hangout sessions with friends who keep me sane & happy. Hoo-hah. Win all around!

2009, here I come!