slow moments

Lately I've taken a liking to the slow moments in life. Weekends are times I especially look forward to, not because of the wild crazy college parties...but because of stupid stuff, like being able to sit in front of my laptop for hours on end without having to worry about wasting time or where I need to be or what I need to get done.

I contradict myself, though, because this morning I woke up at 8:45, then 10:00, then finally 11:30...all three times in a relatively minor panic. First thought was what time is it!? Am I late?! It took me a while to realize there was nothing going on that I would be late for, since it was in fact Saturday morning. But I woke ill at ease and the first thing I did this morning when I got out of bed was make a list of all the things I want to accomplish this weekend.

However this list has not really come close to getting completed. Saturday afternoon unraveled nice and slowly for me, with a lot of time just on the internet doing time-wasting things. Then I made myself a delicious and giant breakfast burrito and watched the Sex and the City movie, which confirms to me my desire to get the hell out of the OC and start experiencing real life.

Maybe I'm starting to feel claustrophobic here. Claustrophobic, misguided, and...taken at face value. I just need to learn how to release my inhibitions.

Anyway, I won't go into detail. But slow moments have become the only things I look forward to on a day to day basis now:
-laying in the park, eating extra buttery popcorn and reading my anthro book, as it got chillier and chillier and people walked around immersed in their busy lives
-coming home and improvising a meal, as I browse through oldies and country and jazz on the radio. And then devouring my meal while reading a book.
-and just the quiet moments before I get to sleep where I just think or write or read.

In the long run I'm looking forward to
-receiving my $100 order from Forever 21. Yes, I broke, late one lonely night, and decided that new clothes would make me happier. I am actually very very excited for this.
-POST COLLEGE LIFE.
-Thanksgiving break, and my NorCal sigh of relief. Fresh breath of air, here I come.

My roommate told me about a park not a mile away, and she mentioned that they have swings there. SWINGS! My one love. I'm desperate to go, but there isn't really anyone that I want to accompany me. Should I brave the potential Irvine rapists and go it alone? Or should I compromise my comfort being by myself for guaranteeing some safety?

I listen to a lot more mellow music lately...and I just want to eat dark chocolate and live in my bed, read Elle magazine and hope that the world just dies chaotically by itself, not bothering me in my humble retreat within my comforter. I'll watch from my pillow, and maybe emerge when the sun comes out.

But that's the other weird thing. Usually I hate rain and cold weather in general. Right now, I'm dying for a sharp wind in my face and I'm asking the skies when they'll water the earth again. I can't wait until I come home. And I really just want to get out of the OC.

Empire State of Mind -- Jay Z

I just need to push myself more and fulfill my own expectations. I just feel like I'm letting things slip through the cracks.