It's hard to answer this prompt because one, I hate thinking about things I regret. I try to live without any regrets but of course they're always going to exist, there's no denying it. And two, I'm avoiding so much, and the more I think about it, the more I realize I've been avoiding things my whole life.
Avoiding making ripples and being comfortable enough to step on some toes. But that's a different issue. My roommate and I are working on this goal: be aggressive. Not necessarily aggressive but more loyal to your desires and the such...and to stop being such a doormat. I seriously need to stop being a doormat.
"So when the joy is gone, when the giving starts to feel more like a burden, that's when you stop. But if you're like most people I know, you give til it hurts...and then you give some more."
-Meredith Grey
Been there, done that. I feel like I have nothing left to give, and I'm just pulled in a million different directions and I can't satisfy anyone or myself.
I'm digressing from the actual prompt. Right now I suppose I'm avoiding researching the study abroad programs that I want to participate in. I've been putting it off and I know that deadlines are going to come up and that if I miss them this year I'll have to rearrange the plans I've made and re-figure it out. Half of me doesn't mind right now, this whole thing is so up in the air and we'll see if I ever make it out of the country at all. Plus financially I'm being drawn to several different areas and I really don't have the money to do everything I want.
In the past I've failed at saving money and getting to my goals...so I need to keep reminding myself to limit the spending.
I'm putting off these plans because I guess it feels so...final. When it comes around it'll come around, but I know that nothing happens unless you make it happen for yourself. I'm just in such a lazy place right now. I just want to sit and make lists.
In the past I have failed at working harder to realize my potential, and in the past I have failed at being honest to whatever rampant emotions take hold. In the past I have failed at keeping the thoughts/words/actions relationship pointed in the same direction. Too many directions.
"Watch your thoughts, they become your words.
Watch your words, they become your actions.
Watch your words, they become your actions.
Watch your actions, they become your habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny."
Another thing to work on.
And another thing I've failed at in the past is forming my own opinions about things, and I've failed at not letting peoples' judgments get in the way of my decisions. About MY life. I hate judgment, stop the judgment.
There are too many things for me to tackle right now, and all I really want to do is disappear into my big bed and forget the world exists.
There's something so interesting about meeting strangers. Flitting in and out of your life and you don't really know if they're meant to bring you something more than just a name and a greeting.
Another thing I've been avoiding is the gym, but I went today and yesterday and the endorphins are pumpin and YAY! Hah, I tackled one thing. Baby steps.
"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." -Henry Ford
No comments:
Post a Comment