Okay, I admit that I am probably more hormonal/stressed/exhausted/emotional than I ever thought a human being could possibly be, but I am at a strange place dealing with strange circumstances and feeling strange emotions. I'm not going to go into detail because I really think overall this is going to blow over and I will laugh at this and learn from this and ultimately forget about this, so I won't immortalize it in words on the web.
Anyway, I was having a pretty grumpy day. I went to bed angry and frustrated, woke up angry and frustrated, got more angry and frustrated as I tragically failed my midterm, and pretty much decided that something must be done about the piles of bullshit that I was wading into. So I read a magazine, wore my pajamas all day, watched Breakfast at Tiffany's, listened to emo music, talked to people I actually like, took some tips from Nina Garcia, and reminisced on good ole high school days by reading all my yearbook entries.
Reading all the nice things my homies wrote for me ages ago is so touching! I miss the good times and the chemistry and trust between us all, and I miss people a lot. People who I didn't really think I would miss that much, I do. It'll never be the same way again, I realize, but I think I've made my peace with that. You can't really keep going forward if you're concentrating on the past, cause then you'll just miss out.
Somewhere between Breakfast at Tiffany's and Nina Garcia's Little Black Book I hit upon a goldmine. I keep being disloyal to myself and what I really want, and it frustrates me. Like I think what happened is I pretty much drowned in the day to day drama and I let it get to me too much, such that I forgot about who I am and what really matters to me. I'd like to say that I'm past it all, but truth be told, I'm not. It takes a while for me to get un-grumpy about situations and I know I can't force it anymore. Honestly, it doesn't matter. I need to forget about it!
A lot of people wrote in my yearbook, "Don't change." Things like that. That's hard; people are always changing. Everything changes! It's all transient.
5 comments:
Chery pregnant is going to be a lot of fun for someone. Haha.
Don't change in your essence, change in the peripheral stuff that doesn't matter anyway.
Talk soon?
I have to say... The labels you put on this post made me smile with warmth.
oh nate.... hahaha that's an interesting scenario to imagine...
pjs are teh best.
I miss you!
Girl, I love you forever! change is hard but like you said, you can't always focus on the past. i guess just be the best you can be and focus on what you can do to have an awzm future. and talk to me more!
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